I Don't Remember
by Agent Spliced
Summary: Snape finds himself alive at the end of the battle. Thinking he'd be dead, he realizes he has no idea how to live normally. Serious story that stays away from being emo. Romance later and personal drama with deviations from the book throughout  obviously
1. Alive?

Authors note: I'm writing this from the first person perspective of Snape. This may change in the future, but it will always be first person, and I will always try and make it obvious who's talking. Hope everyone enjoys!

xoxoxoxoxoxo

The first thing I noticed was cool hands on my face, wiping off the remainder of tears and dirt that were still caked on. As I tried to stir and alert the person that they were invading my personal space, an electric shock of thought reminded me of exactly why I was lying on the ground in the first place and pain flooded my limbs. It was intensified as I was moved, picked up, and began to distantly feel the sensation of being carried between two people.

Everything in me began fighting for some kind of movement to let them know I wasn't dead; that by some miracle,_ I wasn't yet dead!_ Yet all my efforts inside were going nowhere. I couldn't feel my hands, let alone my fingers, and the nerves in my arms and legs were only strong enough to give me the barest hint I wasn't naked.

The air changed, and the pattern of the two carrying me changed, becoming that which I thought meant they were stepping over rubble. What had happened? Where was I? Did we win? Voices were all around me, faint, but they seemed to be sadly determined, sorting through this and that. I realized suddenly they were naming off the injured and dead, and my body tried to tense, before I remembered it was impossible for me to do so right then.

A nearby voice cut through the low hum of commotion and called out, "You there! Wait!" Footsteps grew closer, and I was dimly aware of a shadow over my face. "He deserves a place of honor among our dead."

Another shock, and I realized the voice belonged to Harry Potter. _Dead_? I thought. _He was supposed to be the dead one, a sacrifice for our victory, and he yet lives? What can this mean?_

I felt myself moving again. The fight to give a sign, any sign, that they were wrong, that I yet lived, grew beyond reason. _Why can't they feel my heartbeat?_ I thought. _I know I'm alive... I shouldn't be alive... And yet..._

I felt ever so slightly warmer, and I gathered I was now moving into sunlight between the two people. The pain throbbing through what parts of me I could still feel lessened, and I assumed I was being let down. I wondered if I should feel worried that I could only feel the warmth on my face, and no other part of me.

"Wait, I want to see to him." I recognized the voice of Hermione Granger and cringed inwardly.

"Miss Granger you should be resting, you've done as much as any of us."

"I insist on treating him personally. He's done far more than I have."

"I still think-"

"Please stop." Her voice sounded a bit more tense. "I know my limits. And I'm newly aware of all he's done for us. Our victory is his doing. I owe him this much."

Something inside me uncurled, and I felt a sense of peace at the same time so many questions were raised. We'd won, but if she knew, how much time had passed? Exactly what did she know about my memories? How much blood had I lost? And, if in the blessed names of God and Earth I was alive, would I be much longer? My thoughts seemed to be strengthening, but if she was preparing me to be buried, which from the way I could feel hands trying to move my weak limbs into more proper positions was exactly what was going on, I wasn't sure what it all meant.

Hands that I knew belonged to Granger began to brush against my face, trying to be gentle, but I could tell they were shaking. So close to death, an end to a life of running, despite it all I felt a hope, that if anything I thought was true, perhaps I could have some kind of life... _Please_, I thought, almost afraid to hope. _Please, if my heart yet beats. If I can ask the fates to let someone, anyone, notice that I'm alive, if I am, if this isn't some kind of prank my mind is playing on me..._ My voice sounded so desperate, so unlike my own in my head, but even as I mentally pleaded without composure I felt her hands hesitate on my neck.

They paused for roughly 10 seconds before I heard the voice that I now knew belonged to one of the volunteers which had doubtlessly shown up after the battle was over. "Miss Granger? Something wrong?"

"Did you check this man for a pulse?" My mental voice caught. This seemed promising- I recognized her tone as rather icy.

"No Miss."_ Idiot_. "We just assumed that, with all these giant bites all over him, he was dead."

"While I understand that, Braxton Willis, you are not a doctor, and should always check. Get a healer!" This last part was called loudly, and I heard, rather than felt, footsteps getting nearer.

"Hermione? What is it?"

"Miss Granger?"

"It's Professor Snape." Her voice sounded breathless and rushed as she spoke to Harry and McGonagall. "His heart's still beating... Not sure how much time..."

"Get this man to St. Mungos! The intensive care section!" At McGonagall's call, the general commotion picked up and much quicker footsteps pounded my way. I felt a rush of emotions flood me, as all around the soft hum of voices grew louder and more shrill, and yet I could feel myself becoming distant...

"Go with him Granger."

"But Professor-"

"Don't argue with me Granger." Even as I felt myself slipping, her voice was stern enough that I wouldn't have argued with her even if I could. "Not everyone knows what we do. We need someone to go with him, someone who can handle stress. You're the best we have. Now, go."

She Apparated us.

I couldn't even feel Hermione holding my hand, as everything went dark once more.


	2. Surprises

**_Severus_**

In my dazed dreams I heard voices. I couldn't make out the words they were saying. At first the voices were serious, and low. They would only whisper, from one person to another, and the world was dark. I wondered if I would still be alive when I woke up, or if this was the truth of it... This deep dusk, this cold. I wondered if the hope had before had been the dream, and that I would stay in this state forever.

Slowly, the darkness passed, and the voices grew more human. They all seemed to be talking about something miraculous. I wondered what the good news was. Slowly those voices, too, faded, and I was left with the long night of before. Yet, there were no nightmares here, as I got the blessed rare feeling that whatever anything was, it was good. I fell into an actual sleep, and dreamed a beautiful dream, where the war had never happened, and she had been mine. Her hair was bright in sunlight, and her eyes were smiling at me. In my dream, she wasn't dead. In my dream, my far-off dream, I forgot she was.

I awoke from that bright memory to a sunlit day falling across my face from a window. I didn't know where I was. The light and brilliance of the room seemed so contrast to what I had always been used to in my waking world, and at first I thought this was yet another mirage brought on by addled thoughts. Another moment, though, and my eyes had adjusted for me to realize the outlines of a recovery room in St. Mungos. Immediately my hands went to my throat.

"You're healed, Professor." I looked to the previously undiscovered bedside furthest from the window. Hermione Granger was sitting there, looking worse than I'd ever seen her. "You've been through lots of experimental cures, long hours with top healers, we brought in a few phoenixes, and you've slept off the rest."

I prioritized as usual. "How long have I been here?"

"Two weeks, total."

"Why are you still here?"

"McGonagall sent me with you, to keep the press off you." I got the feeling she wouldn't have stayed otherwise. Good. Then we were equal.

"Most importantly, why was so much wasted on a dying man?"

"I believe I can answer that, Severus." My ears disbelieving, my eyes turned to the door. In strolled Kingsly Shackelbolt, followed by Arthur Wesley, and pushing a wheeled kind of tray where a portrait of Albus Dumbledore was lightly leaning, smiling his half smile beneath twinkling eyes. I choked back emotion and sat staring dazedly.

"Don't look so shocked, Severus. Surely you must have realized you wouldn't just go and die so easily?"

I wasn't sure how to reply that I didn't think being nearly eaten alive by Nagini, on orders from Voldemort, was anything remotely classified as "easy."

He continued, seeming to guess my thoughts as per usual. "Whatever happened to you, whatever may have happened to you, you cannot die on Hogwarts' ground. You are a teacher, and due to the plan we worked out, are headmaster. The magic that was activated by our colleague Professor McGonagall, to protect the school from the invading army of Voldemort, was the same magic that kept you clinging to life. Because, Severus, as a headmaster of Hogwarts School, you are, too, protected by it."

I sat there, trying to collect my thoughts, none too easy by the fact I was now the center of attention. "So... I'm re-instated then? Its as if nothing happened?"

"Not exactly, Severus." It was Kingsley who spoke. Seems we're all on first name terms now. "McGonagall was deputy headmistress during Dumbledore's time. We're very grateful for your protective services when they were necessary, but now that the danger has passed, we all feel that it's time for McGonagall to run the school."

"Well said, Minister." Arthur spoke this time. His use of title when referring to Kingsley wasn't that big of a surprise. I had always thought he was a good man for the job few were good at. "Listen Snape," Oh, so not all of us are on first name terms. "I want you to know its nothing against you. Its you who helped protect my daughter this past year, and without you-" His voice caught in his throat. I surmised he was calling me by my surname out of respect, rather than unfriendly feelings. "Well, it's been a bad year for all of us, but without you, a lot fewer of our children and friends would be alive to see this day, and we are all eternally grateful to you."

"I see." I replied, keeping my tone even, and staring straight at Albus. "and how does everyone know that I saved the day?"

"Please excuse our dear friend Severus." he said, directing his words to everyone in attendance but myself. "He is not used to people realizing him to be anything other than a...ahem...'slimy git.' As to your question, I cannot take the blame for letting the proverbial cat out of the bag. I did not tell anyone."

"I did." I was not expecting Potter to walk into the small, now rather cramped, room, yet in he strolled. He looked odd, wearing muggle clothes surrounded by wizards in their full length robes, but I imagined he was just up for anything clean and inconspicuous after a war with man and press. I tried to focus on this, tried not to look him in the eyes. After the dreams I'd had, and the already eventful day, I didn't have it in me to look at Lily's eyes.

"Professor." Kingsley and Arthur moved to the side, so Harry could walk further into the room. He looked as uncomfortable as I felt. "Listen, Professor... I... I really don't know how to say this. I don't even think I'd be starting this, except this might be one of the few times I can talk to you and not have to worry about detention, or points being taken from my house. And after all this time, I'm not sure I ever will again..."

Kingsley reached out and put a hand on his shoulder and squeezed. I had the fleeting wish someone would do the same for me. When Harry was ready, he looked me in the eyes, and I suddenly noticed how much older he looked since the short time I'd seen him last. "I hated you, you know." I'd known. "I thought you were the blame for the deaths of all those that I loved, and the pain I'd felt, and the families that would never see their children, their brothers and sisters, their parents ever again. When I found out about the prophesy, I blamed you for the death of my parents. When I saw what happened on top of the tower, I blamed you for the death of Dumbledore. But... Then I saw you laying there...

"I couldn't believe what had happened. It seemed so... wrong. I'd been hiding, Professor. I'd heard the way you sounded, asking him to let you come get me. I know now, you would have warned me, had you come. I saw your memories... The doe..." I had to look away. This was too personal. "Professor, I had to tell them. I had to tell everyone. Especially after I thought you were dead. You've done so much for everyone here, and everyone out there. And I think I can speak for everyone here that the least we can do is keep you safe from the prophet and give you your place back at Hogwarts."

I sat silent for a few minutes. The only sounds were the birds outside the window and occasional trolley roll or otherwise hospital sound outside the door. Finally I sighed. "You all feel this way then?" Another few moments of silence.

"We do, Professor." I turned to look at Granger, who was speaking for the first time since everyone had walked in. "We feel it's not fair for you to spend the rest of your life in obscurity, and while we understand you may want that, we'd rather you spend it as close to a normal life. And, a few of us are sure you want that too, deep down." I saw her eyes flash to Albus, and I knew he'd had a few words to say to everyone. She continued before I could comment. "Besides that, though... We... We want you back." I looked at her to see if she was lying. She didn't seem to be. "And not just as our Potions Master... Hopefully as someone who we can come to understand and respect, as a long-hidden ally."

I began to wonder if silence after someone speaking was the new fun thing to do, and yet for all my inner sarcasm, I was unable to respond. What does someone say to this? Especially after the past we'd had? Luckily, I didn't have to.

"Well said, Miss Granger." Albus spoke from his portrait, looking quite pleased with the world. "As to all this, Severus, can you really deny these good people the happy end they're looking for?"

I had never felt more out of my element than in this room. Put into this situation, with people who apparently wanted my company rather than shunned it, I did the only thing I felt I could.

"No Sir, I suppose not."

"All's well then!" Albus said brightly, clapping his hands together. "Wheel me out then, Kingsley. Arthur, get the paperwork together. Severus, see you on Monday." He winked at me as he left the room.

What had I done?


	3. First Look

**_Severus_**

I pulled my cloak tighter around me and took a deep breath of fresh air, trying to look like this wasn't the first time I'd felt free in over a decade.

Granger and I had left the hospital in disguise to avoid the many reporters still hanging around about 20 minutes ago. It had been so fast, being told by a Polyjuiced Molly Weasley I was being discharged and to go. I hadn't even had a chance to look at myself in the mirror before leaving. Once outside hospital I had Apparated us to the appointed place: the outskirts of Hogsmeade.

It was winter. A light snow was falling all around us, making soft white patterns on my dark clothes. It had already covered the grounds and the buildings in tall drifts of glistening powder. The whole scene looked beautiful. It could have been on fire and it still would have raised a lump in my throat. When was the last time I had seen something like this, and not been secretly harboring fear?

Boots crunched next to me, and Hermione walked forward, scanning the trees. Her way of carefully surveying the area reminded me that we had to move; no time to stop and admire this first view.

"Alright," she started, "we make our way down from here, to the Shrieking Shack. The tunnel back to the castle should be open by now. Once inside Hogwarts, you can get to your chambers and make yourself at home."

"Something I completely intend to do, Granger. And need I remind you I don't need to be briefed on a plan I helped come up with."

I ignored her glare as I walked quickly ahead of her. Stomps told me she was right behind me. I picked up my pace.

"Professor, you're really being unfair. I was only trying to talk to you."

"And why exactly are you trying to talk to me, Granger?"

"Well, we're kind of on the same level now, aren't we?"

About a million arguments to this immediately came to mind. "Explain." I wondered if I would kick myself for asking that question.

"Well, it's a different time, isn't it? All the things that happened in this past year, with Voldemort being defeated finally, and you trying to help us. You've always been on our side, and now everyone knows it." Her breath was getting heavy. It occurred to me she'd probably never tried to argue her point while jogging downhill in snow.

"If we've always been on the same side, and we've always been at each others' throats, why should that change now?"

"We haven't been at each others' throats!" She finally got in front of me and stopped me. Her face was red; with cold, with anger, or being winded, I didn't know. "You and Harry were at each others' throats, were being the keyword here, but you were a teacher. I hated the way you treated some people, Neville being a good example, but I never hated you."

"Granger," I knew she probably had about 3 other points to make, but I had to interject. "Your name is too long, but if you like, I will call you by it. I don't have the time nor the desire to argue with you outside in the snow. We should get to the Shrieking Shack, and from there to Hogwarts, where it will be warm. If you still wish to discuss this, then, feel free, as I can't give you detention for running your mouth anymore." I brushed past her and kept walking.

A pause, and then the sounds of a few moments running, and she was back on front of me. Definitely angry. "Yes?"

She took a few moments to catch her breath, then quite shrilly said, "Professor I really don't think you're being fair."

"I thought I was being quite fair." I tried to move past her and she stopped me.

"You aren't. And you're being unfair to one of the few people who are going to recognize you."

This made me look at her directly. "What?"

"And you can't call me by my name because I'm going to finish school and I'll be your student again."

I repeated my question. "What?"

"Ron and Harry won't though so if you were worried about it being awkward with them don't be."

This is exasperating. "Granger you're not a moron no matter what insults I may have hurled at you. Now tell me what you mean about, 'few people recognizing me'?"

"They had to get the Department of Mysteries involved."

Of course they did. "Why were the Unspeakables necessary?"

"Well, no one was familiar with the kind of magic used to keep you alive. Once you were Apparated from Hogwarts, you'd lost so much blood... You died. You didn't die from a curse, so you weren't gone forever. They brought you back quickly... but... You have to understand, you really should have died at Hogwarts, Professor. You barely had any blood left in you, your heart was really only pumping what few drops were left and magic. They kept you alive by tethering your life force to a band of volunteers until the Ministry Officials arrived. I don't know how they did it after that, all I know is that they took you from the team of healers working on you, and then it was quickly decided and pushed through that you'd go into the Time Room in the Department of Mysteries."

I began to see what had happened. "You broke all the time turners, but I don't think that's what they used."

She shook her head slowly. "The bell jar. It didn't take long, just long enough for your blood to return, your body to heal... But, ummm... They thought it might be nice to leave you in a little longer... To help you integrate back into society better."

I starred at her blankly, then took off. There had to be an icy puddle somewhere around here, something reflective. I heard her calling after me, and I became frantic. I had to see myself. It became a crazed drive, and I tore through the snow and trees, my hair whipping into my face. Was it shorter? Was it longer? Had my appearance changed with the process? It couldn't have, I'd notice. But so much that had happened, maybe not. A small part of me wondered why I cared so much, but the rest of me was screaming. My life had earned me my looks. My scars were earned by my work to those I had been loyal to. If they were gone... What if I was drastically different? What if I didn't know myself when I saw my reflection?

I saw a shining patch in the short distance and sprinted. I could hear Hermione a bit behind me; I had lost her in the trees. She would catch up to me soon, but not before I got to the small lake. Finally, I got to it and knelt.

The face that greeted me was roughly 10 years younger, maybe more. My hair was at my shoulders. My face was free of lines. My eyes I recognized because of their expression. Anticipated, concerned, slowly fading to anger and thinly veiled sadness. Soft steps and silence, then Hermione's face appeared nice to mine. She looked barely 5 years younger than me. And I was supposed to be her teacher.

I sat up. I didn't make a sound either way, fighting to control my emotions. It had always been so easy before. I refused for it not to be easy now. At the very least, if I had words to say, it would be to the people who could answer my questions, and not to Granger. I stood, and looked off into the trees.

"Come on Granger. Let's go meet them."

I waited until I heard her stand, then started walking, pulling my cloak tightly around me once more.


	4. Unfair, Unexpected

**_Severus_**

I didn't say anything the rest of the walk to the Shrieking Shack. I exchanged only the barest of courtesies to the Minister, Arthur, and McGonagall. I was silent, only nodding or shaking my head, as we made our way through the passage, over the grounds, into the castle, and up to the Headmaster's Office. I waited until Hermione was on her way to her parents with some Ministry workers to remove the Obliviate spell. Then I yelled.

"What exactly is the meaning of this?" I slammed my hands down on the desk in front of McGonagall. She looked shocked. Albus, behind her, merely closed his eyes then lifted them.

"I might be asking the same of you, Severus." came McGonagall's stern reply. "I don't see any reason for you to be losing your temper in my office with barely a hello first."

I was still angry, but the remark about losing my temper cooled me a bit. "I am remarking to the fact that I was De-Aged and then not notified! I wouldn't have had the slightest clue had Granger not let it slip; or did you intend for me to not be aware until I was in the middle of shaving?"

"Is this really necessary Severus?" McGonagall stayed sitting, but folded her hands on front of her. "After the war, the fighting, the whole wizarding world thinking you were a traitor and simultaneously discovering you've been a double agent for near to 20 years and the first thing you raise objection to is a positive change in your appearance?"

I nearly screamed. Just managing to keep my voice low, but nevertheless crackling with rage I spoke. "I think I looked just fine before this 'positive change'."

"Minerva, if I may." Albus interjected from his frame. Swiftly McGonagall stood, and then stepped aside, so the portrait of my old friend and college could look at me in the eye. He looked slightly amused, but when he spoke his voice sounded serious.

"Severus, why do you think it was that we decided to put you in the Time Room?"

Even with his tone, I was still fuming, and my manner of speech betrayed me. "I'm told it was to help 'integrate me back into society'."

"Severus, please do not take offense at what Miss Granger said to you. Surely you know that she would not know the reasoning behind our motives? I imagine she made an educated guess that, not far from the truth, is still incorrect in its entirety."

I frowned. "Why would Granger try to do that?"

"So many things have been happening recently, to everyone. Even aside from finding out your our world's hero as much as anyone," my frown deepened " and you and Harry making peace, she's probably more than willing to try and put the past behind her and start as friends. More than likely, this was her way of trying to help, give you an answer to the first one you'd asked her; the first question she wasn't sure of."

I wasn't moved. "I can't be friends with students."

"Minerva and I managed quite well, and our respect never lacked."

Fine. "I won't be friends with students."

Albus sighed and closed his eyes. "Well, people don't change overnight. But I digress, Severus, we didn't do it to help you integrate back into society; that, and the speed it happens, will be almost entirely up to you. We thought it would be doing you a favor."

My anger came back, full force. "What kind of favor do you think removing my ability to tell my reflection is MY reflection?"

His voice remained level, even as mine rose. "The kind that gives you a second chance at life. We were careful, Severus. We made sure your memories weren't lost, that your abilities and experiences your body and mind had gained would remain intact. The only things that changed were your muscles, your skin, your bones. Time regained. Time that you spent under duress and fear. You now have a chance to live your life without having to play double agent, or worry that anyone you learn to trust will end up dead if you fail."

I paced for a few moments, then sat down, mulling over his words. Lily was long dead. I would always feel guilt and remorse over that memory; it had colored my actions for the past 18 years. But Albus had been the one who started me on that path, and now he was freeing me. The same feeling of desperate hope I'd felt realizing I was alive in the aftermath of battle returned. A real chance at freedom. I'd be a fool to pass it up.

Suddenly I became aware that the whole time I'd been thinking, McGonagall and Albus had been starring at me, looking anxious. I rose, almost managing a smile, but settling for a nod and an apology. "I... Forgive me. This isn't something I'm used to, so I didn't expect it."

"Not at all Severus." McGonagall answered with a smile, taking her seat at the Headmaster's desk as Dumbledore's portrait again grew dormant. "But since you're in such a good mood now, and since you did decide the best way to greet me was to yell at me for no reason, perhaps you could do me a favor?"

I tensed. "What kind of favor?"

She smiled. "Nothing that would require much from you, Severus. I'm not sure if you're aware yet? Miss Granger will be returning to Hogwarts as soon as we re-start the school year; she wants to finish her education to work at the Ministry."

Merlin's beard no. "Yes, I had heard that."

"Good. Well it seems many of her friends, Mr. Potter and Weasley included, will not be returning- at least as of yet. Seeing as you are one of our returning staff, and were among those close to her previous years, I was hoping you could be her council and endorse her for her internship at the Ministry next year?"

I gasped, then nearly exploded. "I have never been close to her! And if it's a ministry job she's interested in, why not Arthur? Or Kingsley? Or ANYONE else?"

"Good, then it's settled." I have absolutely no choice here, and am completely out of my league. "Thank you so much Severus. It's good to know one of our prized students will be in the hands of such an admirable man."

I nodded curtly, but nothing more; I knew I was beat. "May I take my leave then, Headmistress?"

"You may, Severus. Oh, one more thing. You are welcome to call me Minerva, we've known each other long enough. But be sure to remember to be a bit more resereved in your displeasure with decisions next time, and give my best to Miss Granger when you see her."

I nodded once more and left, heading for my office and a quick cure for a splitting headache.


	5. We Have an Understanding

**_Severus_**

It had been roughly a week since my conversation with Minerva. I was standing out on the grounds of Hogwarts, watching the mists roll on the sunlight. Sitting would have been better, but I had sat so much this past week; in meetings, writing papers, that I felt it was about time I just stood somewhere.

The sun had risen not long ago. Soft golden lights were filling the sky in the east, while the dark curtain overhead was slowly lightening to the soft blue I knew as day. I was wearing warm black velvet robes with a hood up over my head; a rare concession of being mortal. A lot of what the Headmasters had spoken with me about had been working its way around in my head. The result was that I felt slightly more human. It helped that my Dark Mark was fading, something that I kept with myself so if it ever disappeared I could surprise everyone by wearing a short-sleeved shirt. I laughed aloud thinking that; the thought of ever wearing anything besides my normal attire was hilarious.

I stopped laughing, but kept smiling. The ability to stand in one place, surveying the new dawn and letting my mind wander over things of little grand importance to the world was wonderful. It was good to be standing here, peaceful. How much had I had that in my previous time?

Off a ways, I heard the doors of the castle open. A few minutes later and a hooded and cloaked Minerva was walking up to me, moving quickly despite the snow. She stopped when she was nearly a foot from me.

"Not busy are you this morning, Severus?" I sighed. "The students will be arriving tonight, but it seems Miss Granger is going to be ariving this morning, and staying in the castle until tonight's Sorting."

I raised an eyebrow. "Special treatment for the special girl?"

She pursed her lips. "Not exactly, Professor." The use of title was not lost on me. "You'll find out the detail soon enough, especially since you'll be meeting her."

I didn't let myself feel anything besides resignation. "Very well, Minerva."

She turned her head from me and looked out into the sunrise, being quiet for a few moments. I, too, passed my attention back to the golden orb moving over the snow and horizon. It was so quiet, that when Minerva started talking again, I nearly jumped.

"You know Severus, it's odd in it's own way, standing with you here. Especially seeing you young again. Its almost like the terror and fear of before was a dream, and we're all waking from it. I feel as though we could forget it and slip into happiness and calm, now that the last great evil has been vanquished. I worry, though, that we won't be allowed to, and people will try and profit from the pain that we have all suffered through." We looked at each other in almost the same moment, and an understanding passed between us. She held her hand out to me, and I shook it.

"You should get going now, Severus. I don't think Granger should be kept waiting for too long."

I nodded, looking her in the eyes once more. She looked so old, but so strong. I had to say something. "We'll be ready if anything does happen, Minerva."

Her face barely cracked a smile. "I know that."

I nodded once more, then took off down to the gates, where I Apparated to Hogsmeade. Upon arriving, I noticed there was an odd amount of people gathered around the station. I also noticed with slight relief a carriage with the Hogwarts emblem was parked nearby, driver ready to go. He seemed to recognize me, but kept quiet about it. I nodded to him once, then turned my attention back to the platform. A couple of men standing nearby were talking. I tried to ignore them, focusing instead on the streets and the tracks.

"You're sure she'll be here soon?"

"I'm positive."

"I thought she was coming tonight?"

"No, she wanted to come separately."

"Is anyone coming with her?" someone new, a woman, had walked up and asked this question.

"No, she's coming alone. The other two don't want to return, and the rest of the students will be showing up tonight."

I was a master at not showing my emotions, but I couldn't resist a quick sideways glace at the group. No particular age or quality united them. Yet I knew... Why were they talking about Hermione?

A small car pulled up. Suspiciously, everyone started to pretend they didn't know each other. I stood off to the side, hoping to not be recognized, glad for my hood which helped keep me from notice. I was suddenly very grateful for my change of looks. Movement from inside the car, as the figure of Hermione bid good-bye to her parents and got out. The boot opened, and Granger grabbed her trunk and cat, and set them down. Crookshanks eyed the crowd suspiciously, then his eyes rested on me. I had the crazed impression the cat knew who I was.

The car started again, and drove off. For a brief space in time, Hermione was standing there, in a very wooly sweater and long dark pants, her breath fogging as she looked after the way her parents had gone. Then everyone moved.

I reached to pull out my wand and froze. Whatever I'd been expecting, this was not it. Half the crowd immediately ran to her trunk and bags, each one trying to fight the others off and hoist her things for her. The other half starting swarming around her, offering her one thing or another. And everyone was screaming at once.

"Miss Granger ma'am! Miss Granger! May I help escort you to the castle?"

"No ma'am, he's a nutter. Let me be the one to help you!"

"Miss, Miss! Your classes don't start until tomorrow! Name a place to eat and I'll take you there, anything you like on me!"

"What's dinner? Surely you've always wanted to see the world! I'll take you anywhere you want to go, no strings attached, not a date or anything! Just let me do something for you, Miss Granger!"

Hermione looked terrified. They were getting closer, and I didn't think she could reach her wand, or she would have done something. I finished pulling mine out and went for the first non-lethal freeze spell I could think of.

"Immobulus!"

I rushed forward and whisked through the crowd, grabbing Hermione's arm. "Wingardium leviosa!" I pointed at her trunk, and the cage holding Crookshanks. I then took off, half dragging her toward the carriage. Halfway there the spell started to wear off; rather than cast it again I just ran faster.

By the time we had slammed the doors behind us, they were completely mobile and pressing against the rear of the wheels. I pointed my wand outside the window and fired off a caterwauling charm. After the first few people reached the invisible wall of the spell and emitted a loud screech, the spectators broke up and stopped trying to chase. We slowed down, and I looked at Granger.

She was leaning back in the chair with her eyes closed, silently mouthing something.

I noticed her hands were clenched, and that she was counting slowly to ten... in French. When she opened her eyes, it wasn't all the way, and she wrapped her arms around herself, looking lost.

"Sorry about that, Professor Snape."

"You don't have to apologize, Granger. Apparently Professor McGonagall expected something like that, which is why I was sent to retrieve you." I turned fully toward her "What exactly was all that?"

She ran her hand through her hair, the first time I'd seen her do something like that in years. "I suppose a different person would feel happy about it, but honestly I'm sick with it." I didn't ask; I knew she'd explain. "You know how it is, to be hated when people think you're the bad guy?" I nodded, keeping my mind blank. "The past year, we were on the run. The whole of the wizarding world thinking Harry was enemy number one and I was his mudblood sidekick or something." She spat the words, and for a moment I was reminded of myself. "Now all of a sudden it's completely obvious the Ministry was controlled by Voldemort, Harry has never been nor will ever be crazy, and everyone who was trying to kill me and/or turn me over to people who would kill me are falling over themselves to do things for me. And it's just me! Ron is handling it well; they live out in the middle of no where. Harry's always dealt with stuff like this. I just... I just want to be left alone, to reconnect to my parents, finish school, maybe do something to get this world I seem to have helped save back on track."

I was amazed at how much she sounded like she understood how I was feeling. She's just a student, but I think her bubble had been popped, and she knew too much for a girl to know. "While I understand how you feel Miss Granger, and believe me, I do understand this, there's not a lot I can do to help you." I shifted slightly sitting, trying to think. What would Albus have done? What would Minerva do? I looked at my feet to find Crookshanks sitting there, looking up at me. When he noticed my gaze he blinked and started to purr. I reached and picked him up. "A handsome ginger cat." He looked smug. I liked this one. "Take care of your mistress for us, hmmm?" I spoke softer and patted him gently, then handed him to Hermione.

Her voice was muffled by the large amounts of fur, but I thought I heard a "Thank you, Professor." I nodded and looked back forward; we were pulling up to the castle. "And thank you for not saying my name like it was awful, or holy. I'm just so tired."

I know how that feels, Granger. "You're welcome."


	6. Brewing

**_Severus_**

So far, Potions classes had gone well. Though I was younger, my results appeared to be the same. Students still paid fearful attention to me when I spoke, and the bright were quickly weeded from the dim witted within the first few minutes of each new group brought to me. Though annoyed and betrayed at first, I enjoyed the vigor my returned youth gave me. Free from torment and fear of the Cruciatus curse, I was twice the speed I had been at catching mistakes and looming over a wrecked brew.

The underlying lightness in me also added a previously unseen kind of patience. Still diligently harsh on the foolish, I was understanding of the beginners, and in my first year classes, I was able to set those with slightly less talent but still a thirst to learn on the right path. Those who melted their cauldrons, however, had no help from me.

The third and up classes were a bit more interesting, because they remembered me as their teacher from before. Where the first-year students of last year knew me only as a strangely distant headmaster, the second and up remembered the stories of my being evil, and then the sudden announcement that I was truly on the side of 'good'. I could see the question in their eyes, but no one raised their hand. I think they were waiting for me to speak of it, and when I went into the lesson as though all was normal and had always been, it discouraged the cowardly who talked down the brave. No one questioned anything.

It wasn't until my 7th year class, double with Gryffindor and Slytherin, that I felt nervous. Among the teens who were awaiting my class was a bushy haired young woman I felt I'd seen too much of recently. She avoided my eye, and likewise I avoided hers, as everyone took their seats. Strangely, she sat next to a Slytherin girl. I wondered if the hero worship of the Gryffindors was starting to get to her; I was realizing she had as little patience for fools as I did. Shrugging inwardly, I started.

"Welcome back to Hogwarts, I hope everyone enjoyed their Christmas Break." I didn't really care. "I am Professor Snape, and will be taking over for Professor Slughorn as Potions Master, as Slughorn requested he return to retirement. N.E.W.T.s will be coming up very shortly, so I suggest we break with the formalities and begin studying the Polyjuice Potion, one of the four you will be tested on for your N.E.W.T." A collective groan issued from the room, and I smiled inwardly. "Before this year, the potions we will make have been restricted to you. They are only available now because you will be highly observed to see you are not abusing your gifts. Should we find you are, those liberties, along with others, will be stripped of you. The Polyjuice Potion recipe is available to you on page 23 of your books. Certain ingredients can only be accessed through me, and only when I know everyone is ready will we proceed. That is not to say you are not on a time limit. You are. Starting when I began this sentence."

There was a rush of movement as everyone flipped through books and readied their cauldrons and tools. As people began to get up to gather ingredients from the table, I interrupted. "Miss Granger, please approach my desk."

She did, without looking nervous. I was almost impressed. "I know for a fact you already know how to produce a Polyjuice Potion, almost as well as I do. You are exempt from this lesson."

"Am I excused to my common room, then, sir?"

"No, I don't wish for that." A flash of what I thought was relief lit her eyes before she went blank again. Hmmm. I think I'm right about the hero worship. "I do wish for you to be an aide of mine for the next few weeks until your classmates are done with the potion."

"Shall I sit, then, Professor?"

I nodded, and she chose a seat at the corner of my desk, close enough to talk but not close enough to be close. I handed her some papers, and she got to work grading and sorting them for me without my needing to explain. I was surprised, and went back to what I was doing; coming up with a new potion that would hopefully make cauldrons unable to be melted by any other potion. I hoped it would make first year classes much easier to maintain their supplies.

When the class was at the loudest, chopping and starting the ingredients to boil, I heard Hermione call to me softly.

"Professor?"

"Having trouble, Granger?"

"No, nothing to do with the papers, sir."

"Then what is it?"

She was quiet for a minute.

"Spit it out please, Granger."

"There are a lot of people asking questions about you to me, sir. About why you stayed in the hospital for so long."

I looked at her. She was staring at the paper, her quill to it, but it wasn't moving. "Are you afraid to answer?"

She didn't shake her head, but her jaw set slightly. "No sir. The truth is simple; you needed to recover, and no one wanted to throw you to the press wolves until you had your strength back. All those weeks where you re-learned to walk..." She closed her eyes, and I shuddered. I hated remembering that time, where I couldn't get up on my own. But, it comes with dying and then being asleep for a week; your body forgets.

"What is the problem then?" I asked, forcing my mind away from such thought.

"They are divided, sir, into hero worship, and wondering if you're strong enough to return. There are some who think your long recovery time is a hint at some inner weakness, or else that you were being prodded for information about followers who many have escaped justice."

I rolled my eyes and looked back down at my work. "Everyone who was a follower of Voldemort was there that day. No one escaped. Well, except the Malfoys, but they've never really counted."

I saw her look at me stunned, then silence a laugh. "Well said, sir."

"As to the other comment... Why do they think you would know?"

"Some of the volunteers told them I went to the hospital with you."

"Did those same volunteers tell them you weren't there for the whole time?"

She shook her head a fraction of an inch. "No, sir."

I raised my eyes to look at the classroom. No one was paying attention to us, they were too involved in their work. I took this as a good sign- and a slightly bad one. Everyone seemed interested in Hermione Granger as a figure, but no one was looking anxious at the fact she had to work with the Potions Master instead of doing her assignment. Two years ago, everyone would have been tossing worried glances her way, guarding her as a friend and comrade. Not even the girl who she'd been sitting with seemed to care; she'd quickly joined another pair at a different table and was exchanging smiles and jokes with them. Minerva's words came back to me, along with the promise I'd made. I shifted slightly in my chair.

"McGonagoll told me to keep an eye on you this year."

She almost dropped her quill. "She did?"

I pretended I didn't notice, idly scratching away at my parchment. "Seemed to think there'd be a problem with the students, and perhaps others." I looked again at the small assembly, still concentrating on their cauldrons. "Is there?"

She was silent, her hand still not moving from its place on the page. For a brief moment, she looked like she was going to break and explode in the same instance. "It feels like I'm a million miles away from everyone else. They have no idea what I'm dealing with, and this time Harry and Ron aren't here. I almost want to quit and go home, but this means a lot to me. I just...It's like I've forgotten how to live without all this on my shoulders, and I don't know how to handle it."

"I think a lot of us are feeling that way, Miss Granger." I spoke quietly, the class was quieting down now, as it was getting time to just let things boil and see who failed.

"Not likely."

"If you're able to come to me with all this, why can't you go to one of those almost perfect strangers and talk?"

I thought by her silence I had made a good point, and that she would see reason and be able to get back to her life now. Then I heard her place her quill down gently, and turn to look at me.

"You're not a perfect stranger, though, sir. You're someone who has been through it all with us, and in a lot of ways even more than us, and you're still here, doing the same thing I'm doing. I think the only real difference is I forgot recently, and you lost your memory of a real life years ago."

The bell rang. All the students got up, spelled their cauldrons to a back corner of the dungeon to keep brewing, and left. I didn't get a chance to respond, which didn't really matter; I have no idea what I could possibly have said.


	7. Not So Long Conversation

**_Severus_**

It was breakfast time, the next morning. After a long night of restless sleep, brought on mostly by having to work late doing the first round of testing on my experiment, I had dragged myself into the Great Hall in the early part of the morning, when I knew the Headmistress would be there, to tell her what Granger had said to me. Her reaction wasn't exactly as planned.

"And just what do you want me to do about it, Severus?" she asked, looking my way as she placed sausage on her plate. My response was quick, if lacking the answer to her question.

"Obviously she was speaking out of line."

"Obviously she struck a nerve with you, not a difficult thing I might add." I scowled. "Don't give me that look. I say again, what do you want me to do? Ask her to visit Madame Pompfey about a cure for listlessness? You and I both know there isn't one. Thankfully her grades aren't slipping over this. Then we'd really have a problem."

I tapped my fingers on the table.

"Oh, stop it Severus. You want me to put her in detention for figuring out something about you? And before you ask, no, I'm not going to do it and wouldn't allow you to. There are countless rules that a student can break, but none of them are 'use their brains to figure out an uncomfortable truth about a teacher'."

I rubbed my temples. "You're not very helpful at all, Minerva."

She sighed. "Let me put it another way then. Is she going to the press with anything?"

"No."

"Is she saying anything rude, or disrespectful?"

I rubbed harder. "No."

"Is she continuing to be a bright student, and is it really her fault that she's so bright she figured out you'd be the best person to talk to?"

I raised my head and looked at her. "I don't want to be the best person to talk to."

Another sigh. "Oh come now, Severus. So it's fine for you and me to have reached a place where we can talk freely, but it's impossible for you to reach it with someone else?"

"Exactly."

She paused a moment to hand me an orange. I began peeling. "I appreciate that this is different for you. However, you really are the best person for Hermione to come to. She doesn't have any classes with me, nor do I find myself with ample time to help her. If I could, I would. I pity the poor girl. I'm afraid, given the circumstance, the best she can do is you."

I scowled again.

"You're either mad because you feel I insulted you or upset that you can't get out of this."

What is it with women? "Both, I suppose."

"At least I'm getting some kind of honesty from you." She sipped her orange juice. "I wasn't insulting you, but you really are just about it. Her parents are muggles, and we all know the recent history of that particular wound." I took a bite of orange, thinking.

She continued. "You are having her help you in potions, correct?" I nodded. "Then, well, try and talk with her about it. Perhaps if you do, she'll be able to connect with her peers." I groaned softly. She still heard it, and her voice sounded impatient. "Severus, be a little reasonable. How long has it been since you talked with someone, just talked?"

I thought back. The last person, the only person, was Lily. Since then and with everyone else, even Minerva, it had been on some level of business or secrecy. I blanched suddenly at my food, only to feel a hand on mine and a sudden concerned look from my Headmistress.

"I'm fine." It was said too quickly to be taken as truth, and her eyebrows raised. I took a deep breath and started again. "I'm fine. I just... haven't eaten enough breakfast yet." The lie worked as I put eggs, bacon, and some rye toast with cream cheese on my plate and began eating. I chewed carefully, trying to get my thoughts back under control.

"Well, however long its been, this is a new age now. There's no reason you should keep yourself bottled up like this forever." My expression didn't change. She tried another tactic. "I'm told you're being easier on your students' mistakes?" I nodded once. "Then try to be cordial to this particular student's... requirements." When I didn't say anything, she gave an exasperated sigh and began to rise from the table. "I have owls to send. I don't care how you do it, but I do expect it from you, Severus. It's not fair to hinder someone because of someone else's personal affiliation."

Then what do you think you're doing to me? I almost called it back. A few years ago, a few months ago, I would have. I'm being paid to be a councilor and babysitter to a teenage girl. I took a drink from my goblet, then laughed so loud I got looks.


	8. Differences and Dealmaking

**_Severus_**

I didn't see Granger again for a week. A part of me still held out hope that by my next class with her, she'd be better integrated. The rest of me merely prayed I could hold out for the year.

When the students piled in, I knew in a single glace things hadn't changed. The smile on Granger's face was sickeningly plastered on, something that no one else in the room seemed to notice as they chatted at her. As they took their seats, I walked around to the front of my desk. They became silent instantly. It cheered me up somewhat as I began to speak.

"Today we will be adding the powdered bicorn. Be advised that the term 'pinch' does not suggest you need to use the whole horn- anymore than a pinch and you will have to start again. I do not suggest you do, as this takes 1 month to make, and you will not be permitted to slack on your next potion due to mistakes from this one.

" As this is a small step, I expect everyone working on their potions to present to me one and a half feet on the use of Polyjuice Potion by the end of the lesson. Also, given that next week is the last before the day we add our final ingredient and then test them, I expect your next lesson to be taken writing three feet on who you will be Polymorphing into, what piece of them you will be using, and how you plan on using your 1 hour as that other person. Please note: I will not allow anyone to Polymorph into anyone without their permission, and fully intend to make sure no one does exactly that."

My eyes scanned the room. A few people gulped. I took this to mean my words had sunk in quickly. "You may begin."

As I moved to sit back down, my pupils scurried to their cauldrons, then to the table where the said power was, in a large bowl, surrounded by small glass plates. I'd designed it to be up to them to measure, and thus, their responsibility if they failed.

As I sat down, so did Granger. I hadn't even noticed her pull up a chair. She dropped her book bag on the floor next to my desk and looked at me expectantly. I took the hint and handed her the previous classes' homework to grade. "You want to do this?"

She looked at the others. "I don't know what else I would do."

I had no response for that. Instead I got to work. After a few minutes of silence, I ventured a question. "Still prefer this to talking to people your age?"

Her quill paused for a moment, before continuing it's track along the parchment. "You're not too far from my age anymore, Professor."

I looked up quickly, a scowl already in place on my face. Her oblivious look was too innocent to be genuine. "You're being curt, Granger."

"Apologies, Professor Snape." I went back to my papers.

Soon, it was quiet except for the sounds of feather quills on papers. Normally I enjoyed such dulcet tones, but today I was uncomfortable. I wanted to blame it on how my 'good friend' Minerva had made me feel at breakfast, but somehow, that wasn't it. I looked over at Granger, silently reading the works of whatever student was in front of her. I wasn't about to make casual conversation, but perhaps there was another way to open her up.

"Are you talking at all with Potter and Weasley?"

She resonded without even a glance. "They're doing well, and are going to try and come to Hogsmeade village this next weekend."

I tried to sound casual. "Would you like some company?"

That made her look at me. I pretended not to notice. "It might help make the visit seem more like a school function and attract less attention to your meeting."

She looked thoughtful. I practically watched her make the decision. "Thank you. Yes, I would like the company."

The bell rang. Students got up and handed in their scrolls, which I sorted into a drawer in my desk. Each gave Hermione a smile, and then walked out of the room. No one stayed to wait for her, but she didn't seem to mind. Finally, she picked up her bag off the floor.

"I'm not sure why you're doing this for me, sir, but I thank you." She slung her satchel over her shoulder. "Where should I meet you?"

"Be in front of my office after breakfast at 10. Are you planning on being long?"

She nodded. "I'd like to spend the day, if I could." Inwardly I scowled. To her, I replied, "That will be fine. Until then, Granger."

She smiled and walked out of the room.

I was still pacing when the students for my next class arrived.


	9. Real Importance

**_Severus_**

In the days following, I got a lot of things taken care of. I got the first positive result from my potion with a cauldron I'd soaked the insides with didn't melt when a first year's potion became a highly corrosive acid. I spoke with McGonagall about where I would be going and recieved a smile and an extra piece of chocolate cake, which I ate on principle. I went through my closet and found some clothes with color on them, before I realized what the heck I was doing and grabbed my normal robes with a winter cloak. I also managed to get everything graded, sorted, and ready for my first class Monday by skipping dinner on Friday and having food brought to my office. Having made sure that taking Saturday 'off' wouldn't put me far behind on my work, I went to sleep easy and woke with the dawn.

I dressed quickly, slipping on my boots before the sunlight started coming into my window. I decided I would wait for the more personal grooming until after breakfast; so, stomach growling, I headed up to the Great Hall.

I was nearly alone. Professor Sinistra, who'd returned to continue teaching astronomy (thus keeping the same crazed hours as I do) was there, along with a few 5th year students with books in front of them, gnawing on bacon while they studied for their O.W.L.s. Not dissuaded, I headed for my place at the Head Table and sat down to a plate of waffles with ham on the side.

Roughly a quarter of my meal had been eaten when the chair next to me scrapped and the Headmistress sat down next to me. "Good morning, Severus."

Rather than answer with a full mouth, I raised my goblet of pumpkin juice to her. She grabbed a bowl of oatmeal dotted with raisins and began her own meal. After a few bites and a pleasant smile at the taste, she looked to me. "Are you ready to escort Miss Granger to her visit with Misters Potter and Weasley?"

I nodded my head.

"And does she know where she should go to meet you?"

I nodded again.

"Are you prepared, should anything go wrong?"

I nodded, taking a moment to swallow before answering. "All the precautions are in order. I have the personal Portkeys, a few bars of chocolate, and the spare Invisibility Cloaks you ordered for us."

"Good." I shook my head slightly and turned back to my food. "Then all there is to do is meet her. When is that, by the way?"

I tossed her an irritated look. "Roughly an hour from now. I hope to finish my meal before then."

She reflected my look back at me. "You will have plenty of time for getting ready even if you answer my questions. I don't think you see why this is so important."

I flexed my fingers slightly, trying to relieve some tension. "Honestly, I truly don't."

She looked at me like I had told her I'd painted my classroom magenta. "How can you not realize why it's so important that you do this?"

I cut another piece of waffle off. "She's a grown woman, she can take care of herself."

Minerva grabbed my hand and had me look at her. "She's a girl, who made friends with a young boy that ended up being famous for the worst reason, and then ended up being famous herself for that same horrible reason. We're not talking about her taking care of herself. We're talking, Professor Snape, about her learning she can be taken care of."

The strength behind Minerva's voice and words flattened me. I sat staring at her for a full minute before I broke the gaze, feeling slightly ashamed. I was holding someone else to the same rigid standards I held myself, someone who had maybe half the experience I did. I should have known better. I did know better. I took a deep breath and let it out, slowly.

"You're right, Minerva."

She let go of my hand and patted it. "That's all I need from you, Severus. I know how apologies are with you." I nodded. The rest of breakfast passed blessedly quiet, until we ended up rising at the same time.

"I hope to see you when you get back from Hogsmeade to discuss the potion you've finished." I nodded with a soft smile and turned to walk down to my office and personal quarters.

Within 5 minutes I was in my office, taking care of the details to my grooming and appearance to go to Hogsmeade as an official unofficial escort. My last detail was to comb my hair flat so it would stay inside the hood of my cloak, and clasp my Head of Slytherin pendant around my neck. When I was done I found I had 20 minutes left to wait, so I headed into my office to do last minute checks on my stock of ingredients and make sure I had spare vials to give to McGonagall tonight. I heard a noise and found Hermione already waiting at the door, wearing a burgundy sweater over black pants with a gold ribbon tying her hair back. Hanging on her arm was a long black cloak, lined with fur and her Gryffindor badge pinned to it.

I nodded. "You're wearing your colors. That will help."

"Good to see you too, Professor."

Instead of answering, I ushered her to step back and closed and warded the door. Then I faced her. "How have you been, Granger?"

"Well enough." She looked uncomfortable. I felt the same. "Thank you again for this."

I waved this aside. "Are you ready to go?"

"Yes." She set her jaw again, and set off. I walked a few steps behind her.

"We won't be Apparating. Instead, I thought it was best if I had one of the school's carriages take us, the ones the Thestrals pull, so it seems more like it's a school trip."

She didn't answer, only nodded. Though I was a full head taller, she easily kept her place in front of me as we journeyed through the halls. In half the time it had taken me to get to the dungeons, we were exiting the castle and on the grounds. There our steps slowed slightly due to the snow and the slick sloping hills, until we reached the long path where our carriage waited for us.

"Can you see Thestrals?" I asked Hermione as we walked to the doors.

She nodded. "Now I can." I patted it on it's neck, then helped her into the carriage before I climbed in myself and closed the door.

"I won't discuss it."

"Thank you." The sudden movement of the wheels turning on snow silenced them both for a few minutes. I looked out the window. Snow wasn't falling anymore, but I knew there would be at the very least one more snow before the end of February. I looked over at Granger, who was clenching the edge of her seat and looking pale. I looked back out the window.

"Where are we meeting them?" I asked.

"Madam Puddifoot's."

I felt sick.

"You don't have to go in if you don't want to."

"No, no it's fine." I swallowed hard to keep my breakfast down. "I want to be there for you."

"Are you feeling alright Professor?" I nodded, not trusting myself to speak. "You're looking green, and being nice to me."

I nodded again, finally getting my stomach back under control. "I'm not being nice, I'm being decent."

She looked back out the window. I hoped that meant she'd dropped it, but I'd been wrong about women before.

Roughly ten minutes later and I was walking in the snow next to her. We were both wearing our cloaks, though her hood was down and mine was up, toward the tea shop. Granger entered first, and I took a deep breath, then followed.

When I entered, the couples who previously had been nestled, snogging or whatever else they'd been up to, stopped and quickly hid behind menus. I rolled my eyes, but the pink ceiling did little to keep the disgusted feeling at bay. I always avoided this place like the plague. Quietly I whispered to Granger, "Why did you choose this place?"

She was scanning the room, but I still heard her response, "They thought we would stick out less here, since it's where most teenagers hang out. We could say you're chaperoning." She saw Potter and Weasley toward the back and ran off. I hung out by the door. A waitress approached me.

"Would you like a menu, sir?"

I would rather be run through by a manticore. "No, thank you. I will just... I'll be outside."

I stepped outside and looked at the sky. It was a clear, cold, powder blue. I sighed, and looked down the rows of shops. I was no drinker, but the thought of spending five minutes longer tempted me to start. I considered walking back in to tell Hermione she could find me at the apothecary when the doors flew open and she ran out. Ron was behind her.

"Come on 'Mione I didn't mean it!" He had grown a short beard as red as his hair, which was longer. It wasn't a good look for him. That was the only thing I saw before a snowball hit him in the face.

"How am I supposed to take it?" I was pleased to see that, whatever she was mad about, she had remembered not to yell his name in the middle of a wizarding town. "You're pretty much telling me what I'm doing is a waste of time!"

"I'm just saying they're giving us jobs and we didn't finish!" He wiped the snow off his face, but it clung to his hair and beard. "You can get one too without having to spend another year here studying this stuff."

"Is that what you think this is? That I'm only doing this for the job?"

"Well... yeah." He walked toward her. Harry appeared at the door. He nodded to me, but didn't intrude on the scene. Ron had put his arms around Hermione, but it didn't seem to have the effect he'd wanted. "I thought you'd want to be spending this time with me. You know... Important stuff."

She almost shoved him. "This is important to me! Its always been important to me. Of course I would want to finish. Don't you care about that?"

He nodded, but I knew from experience his eyes were very guarded. "I care about us, and I want to be with you. You've spent enough time in school, we all have, and I wanted us to move in together."

She wrestled away from him, and over to me. She didn't look at anyone for a few minutes. I thought she was crying, but when she finally spoke, it didn't waver. "It was nice seeing you both, but I think I'm going to head back."

"You want me to send you an owl later?" Harry called from the door. Hermione started to shake her head, then nodded.

"Sure... Tomorrow though, okay?"

She started to walk off. Harry looked to me, then turned and went back inside. Ron didn't look at anything but the door, and he too walked off. I ran after Hermione, closing the distance in a few short steps.

Slowly we walked back to the carriage. Again I loaded her inside, taking care not to bump her on the walls of the interior before I got in myself and latched it closed. I also closed the curtains, so she could have some privacy.

We started moving. It didn't take me long to notice she was shaking more than the back and forth of travel would allow. I stood and allowed the shifting to sit me next to her, so I could speak quietly.

"Are you alright?"

She shook her head slightly. Maybe it was my conversation with Minerva earlier, maybe I was moved by what I'd just witnessed, maybe I was going crazy. Whatever the reason, I lifted my arm with a layer of my cloak and put it around her. She leaned into me, crying softly.

"It's alright Hermione." I patted her shoulder softly. "Pain never lasts forever."

I kept my arm around her, letting her cry until the sudden stop announced us back at the castle.

"You don't have to go in if you don't want to."

She said nothing, merely pulling away slowly to exit the carriage and make the long, joyless walk across the grounds.


	10. Slight Changes

**_Severus_**

It was easy enough to pretend we were still at Hogsmeade until dinner, where I fielded questions from the Headmistress, ensuring her everything went well. As I talked, my eyes occasionally drifted over to the Gryffindor table, where I noticed Hermione laughing loudly with people around her. A class act, but I wasn't fooled.

The next few days were slightly different. I did notice Granger in the halls every once in a while, but we avoided each others' gaze. Usually it would be because one of us was talking to someone, a student or colleague. Sometimes we just walked by, pretending we didn't see the other. Still, I got the feeling when Thursday came, it would be the same as the other days.

I was half right. Thursday morning the students piled in, listened to my introduction where I commended them for their potions being a thick mud color, and then set to work on their essays. All except Miss Granger, who took her usual seat at the corner of my desk, where I already had a stack of papers from the same class she'd worked for me last time (I'd had compliments that, while there were still zeroes handed out, my handwriting seemed to have been much more legible in where to improve).

"Are you jealous, that everyone is getting to write essays instead of you?" I whispered to her, trying to let her know in, not so many words, I didn't blame her for coming unglued the other day.

She cracked a slight smile, then responded, nose to the table. "Sometimes, but there are other classes. And this grading reminds me of previous years where I proofread Harry and Ron's homework." Her eyes suddenly held a slight pain.

I waited until she looked less upset, then asked. "What happened?"

She shook her head slightly, but I knew it was just to keep tears from coming. "When I saw them waiting in the tea shop, I just instantly ran over. I didn't even notice you'd left at first. It was so good to see them, Ron especially, obviously... We'd all grown close, but it was... Harry, Ron and I all expected Ron and me to be the couple, and during the battle, trying to destroy the last horcruxes, we kissed. That really made it final, I thought."

She blinked rapidly, and turned the quill slightly in her fingers. "Anyway, so, I gave Harry a hug, and Ron a kiss, and Harry was trying to tell me about how he and Ginny were back together, then Ron cut in and started saying that they'd recently worked it out with the Ministry to get internships without having finished their schooling. A reward for all we'd been through, Ron said. That I could stop wasting my time here and go join them."

I almost slapped my forehead. That could have been the worst possible thing to say to Granger, especially after it being the first time seeing her in a while.

She tried to keep her voice down as she continued, but it was hard. "I couldn't believe he'd said that! Harry tried to apologize, but I wouldn't let him. I started to argue, to look for you, kind of a 'can you belive what he said', but I realized you'd left. I honestly thought you had the right idea." She laughed dryly, then put her head in her hand. "You know what happened after that."

I sat there thinking. Asking her if she'd like to leave class would be a horrible mistake. "Any words from them since?"

She sighed. "An owl from both of them. Harry says he'd like to visit us both when he can; he appreciates what you did for me. He also wants to make sure you know he meant his apology." I nodded. "Ron's was less helpful. He said this is just like me, to overreact. He stands by wondering why it can't just be the two of us, why this is still so important to me." She wrote a grade on a paper with a little note even as she spoke. "He seems to think it's all my fault."

"What is all your fault?"

"This. Our argument. That we've broke up."

"What do you think?"

She leaned back in her chair a moment, looking at the ceiling, then leaned back down to whisper furiously. "I think he's being a slimy git, that after all these years of knowing me if he can't understand that reading, writing, working is my life, then maybe we should all just stay friends and he should go and find a nice girl whom he can tell what to do."

I voiced the obvious problem. "And what if he argues with you about it? Tries to get you to stay?"

She shrugged her shoulders. "If he likes me because I don't do what he says, but then he comes at me with excuses to try to get me to change myself, I shouldn't think any more of him romantically." She looked at me over the edge of the parchment. "What do you think, Professor?"

I blinked. "I am hardly an expert in these matters, Granger."

"You're still intelligent."

I scribbled something onto a third year's report on Shrinking Solution, then answered. "In my opinion, a relationship isn't something you have to work at, that a 'bad mood' or a 'bad day' only last so far, and at some point you have to wonder if all the differences distrust, and quick tempers can really be worked through."

"So then?"

"I think you made a good choice for yourself, Miss Granger. I think anyone else you asked would say the same."

She smiled. "Thank you, sir."

"Not at all."

"Incidentally," she began casually. My eyes immediately turned severe. "Think you can give me inside information on the upcoming class schedule?"

I scowled, looking back down at the third year reports. "Not at all. You probably have every textbook memorized already. Giving you even a slight hint would put you head a shoulders above the rest."

She looks disappointed. I didn't crack. Then the bell rang; another lesson gone chatting.

I rose with my students to bid them to the door and collect their scrolls, reminding them one last time to bring a piece of the person they would be Polymorphing. Hermione was, once again, the last to leave.

"You really do seem to be changing a little, Professor."

"I don't notice, if I am."

She shrugged. "When should I tell Harry to be here?"

I thought a moment. "See if he's busy this weekend. Checking up on these scrolls won't take long, and I don't think anything else will take up too much time Friday. We can meet in Hogsmeade again, but the Three Broomsticks this time, if you don't mind."

She laughed at my tone. "Of course, sir." Nodding one last time, she started down the hall. "See you Saturday, Professor."

I watched her go, thinking. Changing a little? Hmmm... I closed the door to the classroom, and smiled.


	11. Depending

**_Severus_**

I told McGonagall about what I'd be doing this weekend. She smiled at me and commended me on following her advice. I merely stood there during her praise, then told her she could reach me either late Saturday night or Sunday should anything come up. Not wanting to make a bigger fuss, I quickly returned to my office, and to work.

Friday afternoon I briefly considered my wardrobe. Potter was trying to show he meant what he'd said about starting over; I felt enough had happened that I could finally forgive a boy for his father's mistakes. I hoped that a sense of 'new' about me would help ease the passage. With this in mind, I swung the doors of my closet wide open.

To most, I would imagine the interior of my clothes cabinet would be a boring place. There were many who assumed, and a few who commented, that I wore the same thing every day. Far from it. Even glancing about, I was able to discern how one vest was more worn than another, how this cloak was made of a different material than that, and so on. My penchant for detail translated into my work; only the best ingredients yield the best potions.

I felt myself drifting off track, and walked into the small room. Toward the back wall, where a full length mirror stood, were my 'special' clothes. Here I had two vests of velvet in crimson and emerald, a mimic of my usual uniform in rich sapphire, dress robes of midnight fabric with silver buttons pairing a deep forest green cloak, and a pair of dragonhide boots. While my dress robes were too formal for this occasion (or really any occasion I could readily think of), and I felt that going out in jewel toned blue was far too much for right now, I felt a vest would be quite acceptable.

In a few minutes I was wearing my emerald vest beneath my teacher's cloak, dragonhide boots padding softly down the hall. I thought I might change the boots before I left, but for now I enjoyed their comfort and inability of getting tangled in yards of weave. The comfort they gave also allowed for a quicker pace down the corridor, something I noted for later.

When I reached the Great Hall, I was greeted by the enticing scent of breakfast. I took my seat in front of a plate of sourdough toast wrapped around thick sausage and helped myself to some, before being a little different and filling my goblet full of strawberry juice. Immediately I dug in, hoping to get a good portion down before I was slowed by conversation.

"Well, this is a surprise." Minerva's voice proceeded her arrival, as she sat down beside me. Luckily, I managed not to groan.

"Being early?" I mused.

"The outfit." She slid an omelet onto her plate.

I sipped my drink. "I felt wearing my emerald doublet would be a sign I, too, am trying to start things over with Potter."

"You can forgive the past now?"

I thought a moment chewing as I did. I swallowed and answered. "I can. I do."

She nodded and cut another bite from her food. "Where are you meeting them today?"

"The Three Broomsticks."

"Not Madame Puddifoot's again?"

I shuddered. "No."

She took another bite. "No chance of you losing your temper today, I trust?"

I slowly took another bite, savoring, before I answered. "Not likely. We'll be in public, and I know the insults they could hurl at me."

"What about the compliments?"

I looked at her. "I don't quite understand."

"Insults you can handle. What if they decide to be nice to you? Can you handle making friends?"

I sipped from my goblet. "Potter I could be friends with. Miss Granger will still be a student whom I'm on fairly good terms with."

"It's 'Miss' Granger now?"

I scowled. "A problem?"

She looked at her plate. "No, not at all."

I ignored her smirk and continued. "I'm putting things behind me, Minerva. She's not so insufferable anymore."

"She's a very bright, kind girl, and I'm glad you're realizing it."

Again I scowled. "The only thing I'm realizing is she can help when she tries to... and perhaps, she's not so bad."

Minerva nodded.

"I have to get back to my rooms now."

"Did you check on if the subjects whom your seventh years will be Polymorphing are aware of it?"

It was my turn to nod. "Of course. All have been notified, though we do have a pair gender swapping this year."

"I'll ward the bathrooms."

I bowed slightly and left.

A few blessedly quiet minutes later and I was finally ready to go. I decided against changing my boots; I didn't wear them often and they were comfortable enough to put me in a good mood. Experience told me that Granger would be early, so when I walked up to my office, I checked. Sure enough, she was there, this time wearing a long light blue wool dress over white stockings.

"Good morning, Professor Snape."

"Good morning, Miss Granger. Do you think if we left now, we'd be early?"

"It would just mean we could get our drinks early."

"Ah. Then by all means." I opened the door for her this time, and we left.

This time there was no rush, so we enjoyed a more breezy stroll.

"I haven't ever seen Peeves down here in the dungeons. Is there a reason for that?"

"There is." I felt my mood lighten as we walked down the hall chatting. I wondered what could have been causing it, and settled on the boots. "The Bloody Baron is House Slytherin's ghost. Peeves never comes down here, because he never knows when the Bloody Baron will show himself."

"But I seldom ever see that ghost."

I lowered my voice; even though we were alone, I didn't want to create an echo that would carry upstairs to where Peeves could be. "Truth be told, the Baron doesn't usually come down to where the classrooms are. He tries to stay closer to Ravenclaw's house; I think you know why."

She nodded. "I'll remember that if I ever need to get away from him in a hurry."

We continued talking easily like that all the way down to where the carriage was (magic driven, I steered), and were still conversing when I pulled up in front of the Three Broomsticks. A wave of my hand and it went to park itself while we kept talking. By now, the conversation had turned back to Potions.

"I am not going to let you know, Miss Granger."

"But Slughorn said we'd need to know Amortentia, Veritaserum, Polyjuice Potion, and Felix Felicis by the end of our Seventh Year., and right now we're doing Polyjuice, so it would make sense-"

"I will not discuss it, and you are far too bright for your own good."

"So we are doing those potions."

"Why don't you order yourself a drink? Mention that you'd also like to pick up Professor Snape's order, too. They know what my favorite is."

I handed her the money for our drinks and waved her off. She sighed, then went over to the bar. I picked a spot for us near to the window, so we'd be able to see Potter coming and bring him over.

A few minutes later and she had returned with two tall snifters. She passed one to me, and I drank deeply.

"What did you get?" I asked, curious.

"Butterbeer with ginger. I much prefer it with ginger."

I looked at her quizzically. "I always get that drink myself."

She looked at me curiously and sipped hers. We each drank in silence for a few minutes, before a slam of a glass on the table and the scrape of a chair caused us both to jump.

Harry Potter, his crazy hair tamed slightly by length, sat down. More surprised than startled by his sudden appearance, I looked him over. Again I marveled at how old he looked, especially up close; his trials had definitely aged him. Despite that though, he had a warm smile for Hermione, and a respectful handshake for me.

"Did you Apparate?" I inquired.

"Yeah. Hey Hermione. Hey... Professor." He said awkwardly. "Umm... Nice vest, Sir."

"Potter, you don't have to call me Professor. I don't teach you anymore."

"Would your first name be alright?"

I nodded. "Same for you?"

He returned the nod.

"I'm glad that was worked out," Granger cut in, "but if you don't mind, what am I called?"

"Don't be foolish Miss Granger," I said. "You're my student still."

"It will be a very awkward meeting if you are calling Harry by his first name and he your first name, but I am 'Miss Granger' to you and you are 'Professor' to me."

This has to be a woman problem. "I can't go around being on first name basis with my students, Granger. Especially in such a public place. The papers would have a field day."

"Actually you wouldn't have to worry about that." Harry interjected over his mug.

"And why not P- Harry?" I asked.

He grinned at the slip up, but continued. "Really, the same reason I don't mind being here with nothing to disguise who I am. The new Ministry has taken to personally editing the Prophet, along with the other main magazines and materials. Only, instead of before, where they were doing it to avoid 'fear mongering'," I rolled my eyes, remembering the Ministry of before, "they want to make sure nothing slanderous or in bad character is written. Which means two things: Rita Skeeter is now officially out of work, and as long as you don't go snogging a student in public, it won't end up in the papers."

"Well, that's a relief." Hermione said.

"Why? Planning on being snogged by a teacher in private?" Harry ventured.

"Should I report you Miss Granger?" I smiled coolly over my drink.

"No!" Hermione exclaimed. "And Harry, when did you become Fred?" She rubbed her forehead a moment, then continued. "I just meant... Well, now there's not much of an excuse not to call me by my first name, I think. At least here. As... friends."

There's that word again. "You can't be my friend Miss Granger. You are a valued student, but we can't have a personal attachment."

"You heard the man Granger."

She scowled at Harry, then turned back to me.

"I like your vest." she ventured.

I could have slapped my forehead.

Harry started. "I think, if you called him Professor still, and he called you Hermione, it would be alright."

I looked at her. "Does that sound fitting to you?"

"I can live with that, Professor."

"Then it shall be, Hermione. Until we return to school. None of this silliness there."

She rolled her eyes, then blinked. "Sorry, Professor. Alright, I agree."

"Good. Then, I propose we move past this and enjoy our drinks." Harry raised his mug to us all. We joined, and together drained our glasses.

LLllLLllLLllLLllLLll

The sun was setting as we exited the sweet shop. I had to admit, I'd enjoyed myself. Harry, given the chance, was down to earth and good company, and we spoke easily about shared tragedies. I'd spent the day telling him what his mother had been like, and he in turn told me how it was to grow up not knowing anything about magic. Hermione knew everything. Every time I saw something, or commented on something, she had something to say that clarified it, or made it more interesting. She also corrected me on more things than I had ever been corrected on in my life. What surprised me the most about it was I didn't mind. It felt easy, easier than I thought it would, talking to people who, a few short months ago, I wanted almost nothing to do with. I wondered what had put me in such a good mood. Again I settled on the boots.

Another light snow began to fall. I looked up at the clouds; a large storm could be seen rolling in. I turned to the others, still sorting through their purchases. "It's starting to snow."

Harry looked up with me, noticing the same thing. "I'd better get back. Hermione? Did you want me to send a message to Ron?"

She gave me a sideways glace, suddenly dismal, then shook her head. "No."

Harry looked at me, questioning. I shook my head an inch, warning him to not make an issue. He got the hint, and put a hand on her shoulder. "Take care then."

She started for the carriage. I was going to walk after her, but Harry called me back. "Severus? Could I... a word?"

I turned and walked back to him. He stood silent for a moment.

"Is she doing alright?"

I sighed. "Honestly Harry... No, I don't think she is. I have reason to believe she only talks to me, and that only because she doesn't have to do the Potions assignment right now; she knows how to do a Polyjuice Potion already."

He almost smiled, but it slipped off his face. "Are you taking care of her?"

My gaze flickered. "The Headmistress asked me to when I returned to teach."

"McGonagall... Yeah, she would do that."

A few moments of uncomfortable silence followed.

"She's like a sister to me, sir. If she thinks it won't work out with Ron, well, that's her choice but..."

"We just have to show her she can depend on us. Questioning her decisions right now would be a very bad idea." I looked toward where she'd gone. "She's stubborn enough that she'll do what she wants, no matter what it is."

"Right. Thanks Professor."

"Severus."

"Thanks, Severus."

The snow was coming down harder.

"I'll be getting back now."

"Take care Harry."

A pop, and he was gone.

I walked over to where Hermione stood waiting for me.

"Ready Professor?"

"Ready, Miss Granger."

I climbed in and helped her up.

She didn't say anything. I could tell she was having mixed feelings, probably about the good time she'd had seeing her friend, but the pain at being reminded of Ron. I came to a decision of my own and let out a long sigh.

"What is it, sir?" she asked, looking my way.

"We'll be doing Veritaserum and Amortentia at the same time, and Felix Felicis last, finishing right before your N.E.W.T."

Understanding of what I was saying dawned on her face, and for a moment she looked overjoyed, before she faded into suspicion. "Why are you telling me this?"

I thought for a moment. "I don't really know myself. But, I do what you to know that, even if as student and teacher we can't be friends, you can depend on me."

She didn't reply. Together we neared the castle, reaching it just in time to watch the snow turn gold as it fell over a vast white landscape.


	12. Serendipity?

**_Severus_**

I sat in Minerva's office. The past 2 months had relatively flown by, but much seemed to have happened. All the cauldrons, both stock and student owned, had been soaked and tested positive. Lots of parents had sent letters of thanks that they didn't have to buy replacements. My classes had gone exemplararily after that; knowing that their failures wouldn't be physically evident to every other student in the room had been a confidence boost I hadn't foreseen.

"So things are going well?" Minerva inquired over pouring tea. I motioned mine over and added sugar.

"In the first year classes the fumes of their Forgetfulness Potions are so strong I had to have everyone wear a breathing mask from the infirmary because they were forgetting to keep secrets."

She smiled, then looked concerned. "Where there any problems caused?"

"Luckily the listeners forgot them as soon as they were said, but I didn't want to take any more chances." I sipped my tea. "But the strength is what I'm referring to. And its all over the board. I'm entirely certain there was nothing in the potion we soaked them in to improve concoctions brewed in them. It seems to be a case of confidence restored."

She took a long drink of her tea. "We've had offers from companies who want to use what you've made on their cauldrons, and others who simply want to sell it, as is, in shops. What do you think?"

I thought for a minute, running my finger along the handle of the cup. "I think allowing those who want to sell it as is would be the best idea, or even stocking it ourselves, to ensure no one gets a monopoly on something so many seem to want."

She nodded. "I'll see to it." She took a bite of a small sandwich and offered me one. I declined for right now. "And how are things going with you personally?"

"I'm doing fine." I looked at her sharply. "Why do you ask?"

"You hadn't been to Hogsmeade in some time, even for the days off the staff spends."

I sighed, relieved.

"What were you expecting?" she asked.

"Things had been going so well, with classes and what not, I admit I have been expecting this serendipity to end."

She smiled softly, then reached for a cane near-by to stand. I stared. "I thought you'd stopped using a walking stick?"

She slowly walked over to a window. "I'd put it off as long as I could, Severus. I had to, when you were Headmaster during... Oh I'll just say it, Voldemort's time, but things are changing. I'm getting old, Severus."

I stood and walked to her, my tea forgotten. "You're worrying me, Minerva."

"Don't let it worry you, Severus. I'm not going anywhere just yet, but I need this again, I think. Or at least, I need this far more often than I did coming back from St. Mungo's after that..." she spat it out "Umbridge woman had those four stun me." She turned toward me, a soft smile on her face that didn't reach her eyes. "Sorry if this feels like that shoe-dropping you were afraid of."

I reached out and touched her hand, a lump in my throat and a pang in my chest. My voice felt thick with pain. "I thought... I was supposed to have more time."

My sentence was disjointed and without much context, but she seemed to understand. "You have more time to live your life, but the rest of us are still marching along where we were. Nothing can rewind all of time."

I knew this; I'd given lectures on this to students who thought a Time-Turner and 5 minutes would be enough to get their homework done. Yet it felt so much more grievous coming from her. I tried to say something, anything, but words weren't coming.

She patted my shoulder. "You should get going, Severus. It's early now, but you have to get going if you want to have your lessons for the fifth years ready."

I nodded. "Yes" my voice sounded like a vice was on it. I tried again. "Yes." Much better. "I'll be going." I felt my legs moving out of the room. At the last moment I turned to bow my farewell, then closed the door.

Once clear of the spiral staircase, the long hallway looked so empty and alone. I walked down it, trying and slowly succeeding in pushing my worries and emotional injuries deep inside, where I could ignore them. These days, it didn't even leave a burning regret; it was natural. It was practiced. It was... A student?

I stopped, listening to the footsteps coming closer. I wondered vaguely if I should exit the area quickly, lest I become the unwilling witness of an early Sunday rendezvous between young loves. Then the young novice turned the corner, and I stopped for a different reason.

Hermione Granger was walking down the hall, her nose buried in a book. That was normal; I'd seen her navigate through the halls between classes reading while students walked every which way around her, so walking in an empty corridor was nothing new. Her face looked tear stained. And she was walking purposefully, as though she was actually headed somewhere and the book was a distraction. I stepped in front of her.

"Excuse me-"

"Leave me alone!" She stopped reading and almost threw the book at me before noticing who I was. Her eyes grew wide, and looked red. "Umm, I mean... Sorry Professor. I haven't been sleeping well recently, I didn't mean to yell at you."

Her head was tilted down, and she was mumbling this last. I tried to bend to see her face, but she was hiding it from me. "Miss Granger, look at me."

"I'd rather not sir."

"Look at me or I'll take fifty points from Gryffindor."

"You wouldn't do that!" She exclaimed, but kept her face down to do so.

"You know I would. I once took points from Gryffindor for Malfoy's gang putting a spell on your teeth. And gave detention."

"I'd hoped you wouldn't bring that up again." She sighed, then slowly raised her head. Just as I thought, she'd been crying. Up close, though, I could tell her face had been swollen, and was now just slightly puffy. It seemed she'd given herself a cure. I gently touched the area, and she flinched.

I stood straight and stared at her for a minute, then pulled out my wand, uttering a quick examination spell. A black eye, half healed, and bruised bones on her back. It explained why she was reading as she walked; it must really hurt to do that right now.

"What happened?"

"I had hoped to just talk to the Headmistress about that."

I knelt slightly to look at her evenly. I let my gaze go stern. "Miss Granger, I asked you a question."

She half sobbed, half laughed. "You always approach things with the same 'ripping it out at the roots' approach, don't you sir?"

I almost smiled. "And I never apologize for it. Now, did you get in a fight?"

"Not exactly." I waved up a bench along one wall, and motioned for her to sit. She took the offer. "I was doing four feet of parchment on my thoughts of using Arithmancy to be a more exact branch of Divination, when some people started talking about you."

I stood up very straight. "What did they say?"

She laughed stiffly. "It's funny... They weren't saying anything bad, they were sort of complimenting you. At least, your looks. Your attitude... They were insulting that." As she spoke I pulled out my wand and muttered more spells, mending her face and back in a few short flicks.

"They were saying you were rude, inconsiderate, and mean. And they made fun of the way you pace. And at first, it wasn't that annoying, because... It was true, you were all of those things. In plenty. To just about everyone. And for no reason."

"Glad to hear I have your vote of confidence." I said as I put my wand away.

She laughed slightly, then bent to make sure her back was better. "Were, Professor. You're not now... Not to me. And when I said as much, it was first thought of as a joke, and then when they realized I was serious it kinda turned heated as they called me a teacher's pet, and teacher's girlfriend, and I called them slackers and judgmental idiots. Then someone threw a punch, and I suck a defending punches... I just felt that going to the Headmistress and seeing if she could give me private quarters, I wouldn't be any more trouble... The Room of Requirement, maybe?"

I sat down next to her, resting my hands on my knees. "I don't think the Room of Requirement would work, it's important we have that room free for anything."

She looked at me intently. "But the danger has passed, right? There wouldn't be any dire reason for it to be kept free."

"It's there for new students as well, Miss Granger. If someone gets lost in the corridor, then that room would point them the way."

She looked distraught. I sighed. "Let's go see the Headmistress."

A few hours later it was all worked out. Spare rooms next to my office had been magically sound insulated, furnished with items, and would now serve as Miss Granger's living quarters until the end of semester.


	13. Unlucky and Lucky

**_Severus_**

That night I was in conference with the staff using the floo. McGonagall hadn't want to walk down to the staffroom, and we didn't want her to, either. Rather than place our heads in fire, we had the fires a shimmering low emerald, and were each in our own respective offices, discussing what we needed to. We had gone over the plans for the end of the year feast, spoken unanimously about the potion being made available to the general public (we'd start in Hogsmeade), and were almost all the way through the possibilities of a new Transfiguration teacher, now that it was obvious Minerva wouldn't be able to do it all.

Professor Flitwick's voice rang out high and clear from my fireplace. "So Molly Weasley and Andromeda Tonks are who we've decided?"

"Yes." I answered, an echo to the other 'yeses' that sounded at the same time.

"I will end the owls out in the morning."

"Very good." Minerva's voice said. "We will let it be decided between them ideally, either would be an excellent choice.

"On to the next order of business, and then we close for the night, I think." A soft flutter of relieved sighs wafted around the room. "Enough of that." Minerva's stern voice only changed the sighs to chuckles. "Right. Severus, how is Miss Granger adjusting?"

"As far as I know, quite well." I replied. "I haven't seen or heard from her, except that her trunk is moved in. I imagine she's either reading or sleeping at this hour."

"I want no more of this nonsense going on, this in-house fighting." This time, the tone of voice brought nothing except straight backs from myself, and I'm certain, to everyone else listening. "The rivalry between houses is, to some extent, expected. But for students to pick fights with each other in the same common room will not be tolerated. Also," her words took a softer note, "I'm fairly certain that this started, not because of an argument about the unfair attitude of a teacher, but because there's a lot of underlying resentment and misunderstanding going around about our Hermione. I want everyone to do their best to protect her, without giving the idea that they're doing anything out of the ordinary. Is that clear?"

Again, a chorus of yeses.

"Good. Then I call this meeting closed, and hope to see you all bright and early at breakfast."

Good-nights were called, then the flames went orange. I stretched and looked at the wall. It was a good wall. A thick, stone wall with even bricks layed. In between each brick was an invisible layer of magic, built to protect, to ensure it was sturdy, to rise up in defense of those who resided if need be- and to block out the sounds of a worried, upset teenage girl if it needed to.

I sighed, then got up and paced around the room. It had never seemed dull to me until now. I had felt comforted in the fact that my offices, and my chambers, were bare save for books or potion ingredients. Now, I wish I had something more to take my mind off worrying. Minerva walking with a cane. A top student, forced out of her chambers. It was a different kind of apprehension, one I hadn't felt in... Years. Before Voldemort, before Hogwarts. It felt strange, remembering that time, that simple time, where the only thing I really worried about were those around me... Yet, somehow worse, because once again I felt that helpless kind of feeling, where I didn't know what to do, or even if I could.

A commotion outside my office door, in the Potion's classroom, broke my reminiscing. I moved swiftly to the door and swung it open. The sight that greeted me was Argus Filch, though old and more bedraggled than ever, succeeding at bringing two struggling girls to my office door. I waved my wand to illuminate the room.

"Professor! I found these two trying to sneak into the dungeons. Likely trying to make off with some of the potions brewing around here."

"It was nothing like that honest!" one of them insisted.

"Yeah, we weren't trying to sneak into your creepy classroom!" The other had a kind of south London accent, and I recognized her as a 7th year Gryffindor.

"But you were trying to get into the area under my jurisdiction." I nodded my head to Filch, who dropped the two on the floor, keeping a foot on their robes so they couldn't move. I didn't doubt his strength for an instant. "Does this have to do anything with Granger residing here?"

"No, Professor." They answered in unison, and far too quickly. I closed my eyes with impatience; why does everyone take me for a fool?

"I am not stupid, ladies." I folded my arms slowly around me, bringing my cloak close, and tilting my head to the side. They looked scared. They should be. "I am, however, in the possession of Veritaserum, and a caretaker who wouldn't blab."

"You wouldn't!"

"He's right, miss." Filch addressed the speaker, who was trying to get out from under his foot. "And he's right about me, too. I'd say he was being too easy on you. Students out of bed ought to spend the night with wrists in chains."

"Well said Filch."

"All right, all right!" The one from south London spoke. "It was about her." She nodded her head to the other, who'd spoken up after my threat. "The one that threw the punch was her little sister. She was mad, because it seemed like Hermione was getting special treatment. Granger starts a fight, her sister finishes it, and Granger gets her own room while her sister has detention for a week while writing a two foot scroll on why we use magic and talking, not brute strength, to sort through our problems. I just came cause I feel like she's too smart for her own good."

"And," I finished, "because you were the only one willing to listen to this nonsense about Miss Granger starting a fight."

"You used to hate her, you should know!"

"Miss... Sharron, isn't it? I am a teacher, I don't take sides. But if I did, I would say that she is a know-it-all, but not too smart for her own good, and would never start anything- except an extra assignment. Now then... About your punishments..."

"Please, not detention!" the other, obviously Jessica Noble, cried.

"No, no, your sister is serving detention. This calls for something... Original." I paced, pretending to need a moment, but already having an idea. My smile as I turned back to them brought a mirror image to Filch's face. "Your N.E.W.T. testings were going to be a few drops of Veritaserum and then you were going to be asked how the Amortentia smelled to you. You two will take yours... in public."

"You can't do that!" Jessica cried again.

"I'm giving the test, I can administer it however I choose, something that you had best not pass along." I tilted my head again. "Why is it that you think I can't do something, just because it's something you wouldn't like?" I let my words fall slowly, looking them coldly in the eyes, before waving them off.

"Escort these girls back to their dormitory, Mister Filch. A true hero you are tonight, for bringing these vagabonds to justice." I leaned down slightly, my voice lowering. "And how unlucky you two were to be caught." I gave each of them a long, icy stare. "I don't want to see or hear of you back in this part of the castle unless it's for classes. Which, by the way, you'd better pay attention in. If either of you fail your N.E.W.T.s, I will assume it's on purpose, and you will spend your last few days as Hogwarts students helping Filch with the last minute cleaning duties in the castle. Without magic."

A last shocked look from them, and Filch was dragging them off, looking darkly pleased with everything. I watched them go, then turned to go back into my office.

"Professor?"

A soft voice made me turn suddenly, sending my robes whirling around me. Hermione Granger stood there in crimson pajamas with a lion emblazoned on one corner. Her hair looked horribly disheveled. Had it been almost any other situation, I would have laughed.

"Miss Granger, what are you doing up?"

"I wanted to get a glass of water, and I heard voices." She took a step closer, looking around the classroom, then back at me. "What happened?"

"You should be getting back to bed." I turned back, heading toward my office.

"Professor!" she called after me. I ignored her.

"Severus Snape!"

That stopped me. I turned back to her, to see her crying.

"Tell me what happened."

I sighed, and walked over to her.

"You are taking too much on yourself Miss Granger, but I'll tell you." I pulled a chair over to us, and had her sit. To be fair, I pulled one up for myself, then put my wand away. "It was two Gryffindors in your class. They were apparently upset with you for your scuffle the other day." She opened her mouth to protest, and I raised my hand. "They were the only two who felt that way, and they have been dealt with."

"You weren't too hard on them?"

"Your rescuer, Filch, was all for the usual things he's fond of. But no, I don't think so. They will be taking their N.E.W.T. tests in public."

She looked curious. "What are the tests?"

I smiled, partly relieved that she had cheered up so fast. "I will not give out that information, and if they try to tell you or anyone else, the same punishment they received will be given to those who were willing to listen."

She shivered. "Nevermind, I don't want to know."

I nodded. "Then I think it's time we each went back to our own chambers."

She stood, stretching. I rose after her, waiting for her to speak.

"You're right, Professor. Sorry about using your name earlier, by the way." I bowed slightly. She laughed, then looked thoughtful. "Whatever you did, it's not going to help my point of you being a good person, beneath the dogma about you."

"I don't mind that Miss Granger. I don't care what the other students think of me."

"But you care about what I think of you?"

Hmmm. "That remains to be seen."

She chuckled softly, looking better, then suddenly embarrassed. "I... just realized I'm in my pajamas."

I raised an eyebrow.

"Nothing, sorry." She shrugged, wrapping her arms around herself, then turned to walk away. I felt that was invitation to call it a night, and turned to do the same.

"Professor-"

"You really must stop talking just before I exit the room, Miss Granger."

"Sorry, again." I turned back to see her about to leave, but looking at me through a part in her hair. "I just wanted to say... Thank you. I feel very lucky to have someone like you at my back."

I bowed again. She shook her head, but smiled. "Goodnight, Professor."

I waited until she'd closed the door. I started through my office, then shrugged, and turned back to where she'd been'. "Goodnight, Hermione Granger."


	14. Curiosity

**_Hermione_**

I rose from my bed and looked at the clock. Seven-thirty. Thursday morning. I sighed and stretched, letting my mind fully wake up. Feeling more awake, I got up and went to the bathroom, to wash my face and brush my hair. The girl in the mirror that greeted me looked a little bedraggled, with her frizzy hair even more-so, and all over the place. I smiled at myself, sticking out my tongue, then spalshed my hands and face with water.

The events of the previous week went through my mind again. I'd gotten so mad, hearing someone insult Snape. It reminded me too much of Ron, and Harry, always so sure it was Snape, always so quick to jump on him... Back then, I would have gotten frustrated, brushed it off, maybe told them off a bit and then laughed easily, but things seemed to hit me different these days. I'm sure I didn't insult her, Mary Noble, but I know I let my voice get a bit loud. I also know I was probably still screaming at her to stop it when she came over to punch me.

Then last night, two Gryffindors? My class? I looked at the ceiling, thinking. Probably Jessica and Sharron. It's Jessica's younger sister in detention, and Sharron is never happy when I tell her there's nothing going on, that Snape's not playing spy anymore, that I can't get her in a private meeting with Minister Kingsley, and what have you. Probably thought I'd be more willing to talk with incentive.

Thinking about them made me roll my eyes. Hadn't I been on the run for a year? Put under the wands of various Death Eaters? Hung out with boys who tail danger like dogs chase cars? What did those girls think would happen if they'd made it in here? But, that's really what it's all about: they just didn't seem to get it.

I was getting so tired of hero worship, even more-so of people who thought I was looking for it. I had wondered often the last few months if Harry hadn't felt exactly like this, the whole time he was at Hogwarts. At least he'd had me and Ron, two close friends to talk to. And the other students; people who had never really known about the fear of Voldemort, or worried if things were going to truly go to hell around them. Everything we'd done, we'd done so less than a year ago. Everyone here knew my story, knew what'd happened and knew what I'd done. They just... didn't know me.

It was weird, but Snape was one of the few people I felt comfortable around, and definitely the person I felt the most comfortable around. He alone treated me like a normal. Yes, his normal tended to be on the gruff side, but normal none the less. Some days, it was nothing but schoolwork and Snape that kept me from feeling like I did back in my first year of Hogwarts, when I'd run into the girl's bathroom from hearing Ron say I didn't have any friends. I'm sure Snape and the other teachers were right, that if I tried I could probably open up to more people, come around, really show them that I wasn't this hero they thought I was. But it was like I'd forgotten how to talk to people. And the effort of trying to convince someone that I really am a normal person was getting too much, with all the other work I was trying to do.

I groaned, and looked at the sink. It was nice, a porcelain basin that seemed so out of place in this giant stone castle. I picked up my brush and began to run it through my hair, clearing my mind. It was only when I thought like those that I really felt mopey. Most of the day I went through in a wonderful, work-filled haze; answering questions and writing marvelously long essays. I could completely Vanish anything, even myself for a little bit, create a chair from a splinter of wood, gather bowtruckles from trees without needing to identify which tree housed them and without them scratching out my eyes, and I could answer any question about Ancient Runes, Arithmancy, History of Magic, and Herbology before the teacher had even finished talking. It was when I started getting the fake smiles from people, or had to look at the shining eyes from admirers, that I felt down. Sadly, it didn't make talking to them any easier.

I walked back into the main room, still thinking. I wish more people were like Snape... He says what's on his mind, and doesn't try to over complicate things. He really is a good teacher. And... he saw me in my pajamas.

I stopped to look at the ground and blush. I can't believe I forgot to put on a robe, or something. He's the Potions Master, and he saw me in my pajamas. It bothered me, and I wasn't really sure why. But somehow, walking out and having a conversation with Snape in my sleepwear struck a chord in me that made me feel very small, and very exposed.

Suddenly feeling like being fully dressed, I pulled my long black school robes and hat. To wear under my robes, I chose a red scoop necked shirt with half sleeves and a lion emblazoned on the front in black (a gift from my parents), and black pants. I quickly took off my nightclothes and threw them in the laundry, then slipped into my shirt, leaving it untucked from my pants. I stood in the mirror to make sure my long robes were positioned on me, covering the color beneath and the pants that went to my shoes. Usually, I didn't do this; it was frowned upon to wear clothes beneath the school robes, but today I felt odd.

I walked over to the mirror, looking again at my reflection. My hair was still frizzy, but it would probably always be. I grabbed a hairband, and pulled it back into a long wavy tail down my back. Not all of it took, but this was fine; Potions and Herbology today. We'd be finishing up the Amortentia and Felix Felicis potions soon, and in Herbology there were flesh-eating tree saplings that needed re-potting. The more out of my face, the better.

I strolled out of my room to the passage that lead to the hall, checking the clock. Eight o-clock now; I'd spent half an hour mulling over everything. Still, plenty of time to get some breakfast and grab my books, especially since my room was right next to my first class. I jogged, easily reaching the Great Hall in under five minutes. I wasted no time in sliding into a place at the Gryffindor table, and placing eggs and a piece of toast on my plate. I took a bite and closed my eyes. Even the bread was good.

"Hiya Hermione!" I opened my eyes to see Dennis Creevey, starring at me with the most serene and brilliant face anyone had ever laid eyes on. Luckily, the toast in my mouth prevented me from sighing. I put a smile on my face and greeted.

"Good morning, Dennis."

"I had some free time this morning and I noticed you didn't have your books with you did you want me to go and get the books for you Hermione?"

"Dennis, breathe."

"Right, sorry Hermione." He took a deep breath and let it out slowly, looking so cute I almost laughed, even if he was doing the exact thing that bugged me. "Did you need me to do that for you?"

"No Dennis. Thank you."

I took another bite of my toast.

"Hey Hermione."

I looked up to see a 6th year boy, Mark Turner, heading toward me. I swallowed. "Hello Mark. Need anything?"

"Not really..." He stopped when he was next to me, and leaned in. "I just wanted to let you know that the rest of us don't feel the same way as those two who tried to sneak into your new rooms last night."

I honestly smiled. "Thanks Mark. That really makes me feel good to hear."

He sat down next to me. "So... You doing anything later?"

I took a bite of my eggs, giving him a searching look. "Class, then studying."

"Maybe you'd like to come hang out with me later? Spend a little time walking around the lake?"

I gave him an odd stare.

"You know... a date."

I let out a surprised laugh. "What?"

He gave me a sly smile. "A date. With me."

"Mark I hardly even know you."

"We can get to know each other better if we spend time together."

I put my hands up in front of me. "No, no... Thank you, but I'm fine."

He shrugged his shoulders, not looking the least bit put off. I shook my head, and got back to my food.

I finished quickly after that, making it back to my rooms with plenty of time to brush my teeth and grab my books and bags. I made it into the classroom early to see Snape waving the cauldrons over to each table. The room was colored with the various smokes that issued from the almost completed Amortentia potions and half done Felix Felicius. Mine, so far, was an amber kind of still liquid, that while pretty and on the right track would be poison if I drank it.

Professor Snape looked up as I walked in. "Good morning, Miss Granger. In early to check on your work?"

I felt myself smile. "Good morning, Professor. No, here early because I am." I put my things gently down and bent over my cauldrons. They looked perfect. I stood straight to watch him, suddenly thinking of something.

"Professor, if everyone's making Amortentia potions, won't we have the problem of people becoming a bit... excited by the scent of what they love all around them?"

He raised his hand, which showed a vial clutched in his fingers. "One drop on the tongue will be enough to still anyone who goes overboard. It will nullify the effects temporarily, long enough for the lesson to end." I nodded and walked around the room, looking at the various brews.

"Can you tell what some people have done wrong?"

I nodded. "This person added honey at the wrong time to the Felix Felicis." I pointed to the cauldron that was a shade darker than mine, with small bubbles breaking the surface which should be serene. "And that one has too much diamond infusion." The potion was rippling slightly, and shimmered.

"Very good Miss Granger."

"It seems like everyone's done the Amortentia right, more or less."

"It's no real surprise; that potion is done more to the book than Felix Felicius. You need an imagination to get Liquid Luck done correctly."

"So I have an imagination, then, sir?"

"You should realize that the directions are not always best, Granger, as you read my book."

I smiled to myself, remembering my sixth year and, "this book property of the Half-Blood Prince". It had bothered me endlessly. At least that was a good thing; I knew when to keep and break the rules.

"Professor, I'm curious about something."

"I will alert the Headmistress immediately."

I rolled my eyes. Luckily, he wasn't looking at me. "It's a kind of a personal question, but also academic."

"Yes, Miss Granger?"

"What does Amortentia smell like to you?"

He stopped, more because he was finished than anything to do with what I'd asked. "The truth is, Miss Granger, Amortentia doesn't smell like anything except its' ingredients to me."

I stared at him. "Why, sir?"

He walked back over to his desk and sat down. "I imagine its because the one person I loved has been gone so long I no longer remember what she smelled like."

I looked at him. He was pulling papers out of his desk, acting like he hadn't said anything deeply personal.

"Why... why did you tell me, that, Professor?"

He finally lifted his head. "Because I want you to be able to trust someone, and know that someone trusts you."

A bell rang somewhere, and students piled in. A few of the other Gryffindor girls didn't meet my eyes, but some others smiled at me warmly, and I smiled back, feeling very odd. Why had Snape told me that? He always kept things so close to the vest... And it wasn't the first time. He'd stuck up for me in Hogsmeade, and he'd stood by me to talk to McGonagall about what went on in the Common Room. I had a feeling he was supposed to keep an eye on me as a favor to someone, but he seemed to be going above what I'd expect anyone to do as a favor.

Maybe... Maybe I can depend on him.

I realized that he'd given the signal to start working again, and i was the only one sitting still at my desk. He stared at me, the warning glint in his eyes. I took notice and got to work. He responded by doing the same. I started on the Felix Felicis. The chamomile needed to be added next, along with the moonstone flakes and powdered garnet. I did so, stirring counter clockwise each time, 7 times, stopping, one turn clockwise, then 13 more counter clockwise. The book said otherwise, but slow and careful testing had yielded the best results when I did it this way. The potion turned a bright gold, and started to bubble slightly.

I sighed, smiling to myself, then turned my attention to the Amortentia. It had the pink and lavender color, but was missing the pearly sheen. I slowly and carefully added the pressed mermaid tears, one at a time, with three stirs in between. As the last one was added and stirred, the whole concoction took on a lovely, shiny appearance, and long curling tails of smoke wafted out.

I smiled, very pleased, and inhaled deeply. The smell of fresh grass and new parchment filled my nose, the same scents I remembered. I had expected to smell Ron's hair, or else the Burrow, or maybe even the scent of home and dentistry. Instead, underlying the usual scents from before, there was something else... A kind of earthy smell, of lavender and herbs, an unusual smell that... Somehow familiar... What was it?

"It would seem that everyone has finished their Amortentia Potions. You are now instructed to keep an eye on your Felix Felicis; it will continue to brew and settle until the day of your N.E.W.T., when it will be graded. This will be a non-ingesting test for obvious reasons, not the least of which the number of students will go to the Infirmary if it's even slightly botched. For now, I would like everyone to pour a draught of their Amortentia into the vials I have placed on my desk for you, label them, and return them to me."

I grabbed a vial and carefully ladled a sip of my Amortentia into it. Waving my wand, my name in my handwriting appeared etched into the glass. Nodding, I joined the line of people waiting to hand Snape their completed work.

As he took mine, his eyes held my gaze for a moment longer than usual, then he looked away with a curt nod. I returned the nod, more politely, then went back to my seat. As the others continued keeping watch of their Liquid Luck, I watched as Snape discreetly opened a vial, dripped a tiny dot onto his tongue. He noticed my looking at him and gave me an annoyed look, motioning fiercely to continue my assignment.

I went back to my potion, trying to bury myself once again in measuring and stirring, yet I couldn't help but play the scene over in my head. Snape had lied, he did smell something with the potion, and it affected him so much, he had to take his own antidote. While this didn't truly bug me (it's a very personal question, after all, I didn't expect him to answer so easily), I continued to wonder... What could he be smelling that had affected the stony Professor Snape to seek an antidote for his own feelings?


	15. With and Without Will

_**Severus**_

That morning I decided to skip breakfast in the Great Hall. Minerva's recent grapple with her age was putting me off; it bothered me to see her having to use a walking stick to keep her balance, as I'm sure it bothered her too. Recently, though, she had stopped coming down to the staff table to eat, preferring to take her meals in her room. It bothered me even more to see her empty chair next to where I sat, so rather than look at it, I had food brought to my room.

Not that I wasn't busy anyway. The owls had been sent, and soon Andromeda Tonks and Molly Weasley would be arriving at the castle. Rooms had to be prepared. Questions had to be drawn up. With every other teacher busy with N.E.W.T.s and O.W.L.s, and the potion laced cauldrons cutting my work in half for me, the job of the interview scenarios fell to me.

"Question... one..." I spoke aloud as I wrote. I'd carefully positioned the plates of eggs, baked beans, and toast around to not get anywhere on the parchment, or to accidentally be stabbed by an unwary quill. "To what level can you comfortably Transfigure?"

Of course, the whole Hogwarts staff knew the answers to the questions I'd be writing. Both Molly Weasley and Andromeda Tonks came from long lines of wizards and witches. They were both pure blood. They had both fought in their own ways in the wizarding war, and were both known to posses great skills in magic. The real test would be to see how they spoke, to discern if they could command the respect of a class the way McGonagall had been.

I looked at the ceiling. I didn't know if anyone could command a class like McGonagall. Not even I could command a class like McGonagall. She seemed to posses this intelligence and power that seeped through her skin and onto those around her. Like Albus, she had a presence. But where his had been calm and serene, hers was like a tiger waiting to claw you if it became impatient. A kind woman, though. So kind. Kind enough to think of Granger.

I stood and paced, walking over to the windows. I briefly caught a glimpse of my young face, and half smiled. So much seemed to have happened in the months since I woke, rebuilt my muscles and then got out of St. Mungo's when the coast was clear. I had watched sunrises and sunsets without fear. I had made friends with an ex-student I thought I'd hold a grudge against forever. I had been forced to keep tabs on a young woman who was once half my age and now less than 10 years my junior. And oddest of all, the last didn't bother me so much.

Hermione Granger. The daughter of two dentists. Getting much better in potions than she had, now that she had opened her mind. Stubborn beyond compare when it came to certain things. My student. And perhaps... my friend. There are many things I would do for McGonagall, but trying to comfort someone isn't really one of them. The more I went over it, and thought about things myself, the more I realized... The only one having a problem with it was me.

I turned my head from the reflection in the window and looked around the room. Even in my personal quarters, the only decoration was the Slytherin house crest over the mantle. Everything else was utilitarian. Even the bed resting in the alcove was simple; a firm mattress for a firm man. Books were everywhere; low pile carpet was where books weren't. A large desk, a few chairs, and torches lined the walls. "Sparse" hardly began to describe.

It had always been enough, when I pushed myself away from others. However, perhaps a bit of relaxing of my standards was in order. Accepting my charges, for starters. Hermione did need watching, Minerva needed to know her words meant something to me. I could try and take her words to heart, and accept the friendship of a certain bright young lady.

I didn't have to tell anyone, though.

A few minutes later and I had five questions ready to drill the possible new staff members when they arrived Friday evening. A wave of my wand had the papers on my desk stacked, the plates sent back to the kitchen, and the torches dimmed. I walked from the room and closed the door.

The soft smells of the potions that greeted me sent a real smile to my face. I inhaled deeply, letting wafting smells fill my lungs. Not all were completed, and some were obviously botched (some people just refuse to learn), but I truly enjoyed my craft and the practicing of it.

Remembering work, I pulled out my wand and began the task of putting everyone's work by their desk. From the looks of things, Hermione's potions were dead on. She wasn't alone, but hers seemed the best. Obviously she'd learned her lessons well.

The door opened. I looked up to see the object of my thoughts this morning walk in. "Good morning, Miss Granger. In early to check on your work?"

She smiled. "Good morning, Professor. No, here early because I am." She went to put her things down, and I continued setting up the class. I had gotten to Sharron and Jessica. Briefly I considered sabotage, but no one would benefit from that; no matter how they behaved, they needed to learn how to brew potions.

"Professor, if everyone's making Amortentia potions, won't we have a the problem of people becoming a bit... excited by the scent of what they love all around them?"

I raised the hand not holding a wand to show her the contents. Inside was a small vial. "One drop on the tongue will be enough to still anyone who goes overboard. It will nullify the effects temporarily, long enough for the lesson to end."

As I kept slowly levitating the cauldrons she came into view, looking at each person's work with interest. I wonder how much she knew. "Can you tell me what some people have done wrong?"

Her answer came without hesitation. "This person added honey at the wrong time to the Felix Felicis." She pointed to the cauldron that was a dark amber, which looked as though it was starting to boil. "And that one has too much diamond infusion. " The surface of the potion looked as though a constant wave was blowing over it, and it sparkled constantly.

I was impressed; she noticed the same things I did. "Very good Miss Granger."

"It seems like everyone's done the Amortentia right, more or less."

"It's no real surprise; that potion is done more to the book than the Felix Felicis. You need an imagination to get Liquid Luck done correctly."

"So I have an imagination, then, sir?"

"You should realize that the directions are not always best, Granger, as you read my book."

It was an odd kind of deja vu to be talking to her about this, since just this morning I had been thinking it. But, also kind of pleasant; kind of like we were having this conversation on purpose.

"Professor, I'm curious about something."

Of course you are. "I will alert the Headmistress immediately."

"It's kind of a personal question, but also academic."

"Yes, Miss Granger?"

"What does Amortentia smell like to you?"

I stopped. It was actually good timing, because I had just finished my work prepping the class. This was personal, and it set me on edge to be asked such a thing. But also a good chance to prove to myself that I meant that I wanted to change, and return trust with trust. Still, I couldn't look at her. "The truth is, Miss Granger, Amortentia doesn't smell like anything except its' ingredients to me."

I saw her staring at me. "Why, sir?"

I walked around to behind my desk and sat down. "I imagine its because the only person I loved has been gone so long I no longer remember what she smelled like." I started pulling papers from my desk, assignments I intended to grade during today's busy time.

"Why... why did you tell me that, Professor?"

I gathered myself and lifted my head to look her in the eyes. "Because I want you to be able to trust someone, and know that someone trusts you."

The class bell rang, and students began to pile in. Miss Granger took her seat, amid slight friction in the air. I gave the students who gave off the most heat a stern look, then stood and circled around to be in front of the desks.

"Today we will be finishing the Amortentia potion and adding the last ingredients to the Felix Felicis. That is not to say the Felix will be done. It still has months to brew, and during that time it will be your responsibility to ensure nothing befalls it that will endanger your grade. Please note that you are forbidden from tasting your Liquid Luck at any time. This counts for before, on, or after the finished date.." I folded my arms and slowly turned my head around the room. "Begin."

The usual bustle of movement was my signal to sit back down and get to work. Just before I sat, however, I saw Hermione staring off into space. I wouldn't allow that. I caught her eye and gave her a stern warning of my impatience, and she snapped up and hurriedly began. I nodded to myself and sat down.

The paper grading was easy. I breezed through the third years reports, and the fifth year classes practice essays for their O.W.L.s, commenting on their notes and giving a chastisement here, a begrudged word of praise there. Perhaps it was just my shift in attitude, but things seemed much easier, lighter.

The air in the room changed. I looked up and saw multiple people swooning slightly where they stood, the smoke rising from the cauldrons twirling and dancing in the space above them. I stood and walked to the front of my desk.

"It would seem that everyone has finished their Amortentia Potions. You are now instructed to keep an eye on your Felix Felicis; it will continue to brew and settle until the day of your N.E.W.T., when it will be graded. This is a non-ingesting test for obvious reasons. not the least of which the number of students going to the Infirmary if it's even slightly botched. For now, I would like to pour a draught of their Amortentia into the vials I have placed on my desk for you, label them, and return them to me."

Clusters of students came up and, one by one, grabbed a bottle from my desk. I stood, waiting to collect them as patiently as I was able. Then the smoke of the love potion hit me.

At first, I noticed only what I normally did. The scent of the ingredients that went into making it; a pleasant enough scent, but nothing intoxicating. Then it started to change a little. It reminded me of something... Carriage rides in the snow, hours when I had been working in the classroom, particular visits to Hogsmeade.

I pushed down a rising panic as I realized what was going on. Being careful to keep my face blank, I reflexively grabbed each bottle handed to me and magicked them away into a special compartment in my desk with a flex of my fingers. Hermione was one of the last. When she handed me the bottle, I was sure. I forced down the rising worries with a curt nod and looking away disinterested. When all had handed me their completed brews, I sat down at my desk, praying no one had noticed the change in my attitude. Carefully, I uncorked the bottle still hidden in the sleeve of my robes, and dripped some onto my tongue.

Relief washed over me as the beating in my chest quieted and my head cleared. I looked up to see Miss Granger watching me. I quickly gave her an annoyed look and motioned furiously with my hands for her to get back to work. Just as quickly, she did so.

After I was sure she was much more engaged in watching her potion and measuring the output of liquid to the steam rising from the surface, I leaned back in my chair with a deep sigh. The feelings were gone, and the Amortentia no longer troubled me. But I knew what had happened, and it worried me more than I ever would have cared to mention.

Hermione Granger. The Amortentia reminded me of Hermione Granger.


	16. The Best Laid Plans

_**Severus**_

I was pacing in the hallway of the Headmistress's office. Inside Molly Weasley was officially being interviewed for the position of Transfiguration teacher, but more than likely the two were chatting. Soon she would walk out of the office, and down the hall, where I would happen to bump into her. Oh hello Molly, you're looking well. Yes it has been a long time since the Order. I was wondering if you felt like having a cup of tea? Why? Well, it would seem I'm secretly in love with Hermione and I'd like your advice.

That sounds utterly stupid.

I closed my eyes and groaned. In truth, I didn't have much of a clue of what I would say, or how I would say it. But Molly had been in the Order with me, and she also had known Hermione for as long as Harry had. She was also the only person I could think of to talk to about this.

Down the hall the sound of the stone gargoyle sliding into the place made me stop. I felt my heartbeat increase in my chest. That would not do at all. I forced myself to calm down. Act normal. I may have de-aged but I still have the experience beyond my years. I can do this. This will not make a fool of me.

Feeling relaxed, I turned my steps to stroll down the hall, toward the voices up ahead. I had gotten to the point where the hall turned to be in front of the office, and froze. Hermione was there. Molly had her in a warm embrace.

"-had no idea you were here at the castle!" Hermione's voice was muffled from the hug.

"I could be here every day, dear. I think our Professor McGonagall is going to let me be the Transfiguration teacher!"

"That would be so great!" Hermione pulled back to look Molly in the face. She looked incredibly happy. I considered slipping back behind the corner and waiting for another day, maybe sometime next Christmas, but Molly looked up.

"Severus! Didn't see you walk up!"

"Sorry for intruding." I mentally patted myself on the back for keeping my voice even.

"Merlin's beard, they said you were younger but I haven't seen you like this since your first year as Potions Master."

I tried not to roll my eyes.

"Hello Professor." Hermione turned to me.

"Hello, Miss Granger." I felt nervous. Strange how I hadn't before. "Is it break time for you?"

She nodded. "I was going to look out these windows to see if the way to Care of Magical Creatures would be muddy, and I happened to bump into Mrs. Weasley. She says she could be the next Transfiguration teacher."

I nodded. "I was aware, but couldn't tell you." I looked back at Mrs. Weasley. "You have an answer then?"

She shook her head. "Minerva says she'd prefer to think things over. I was going to go down to the Three Broomsticks to wait; it's been a very long time since I had anything I didn't make, and we seem to have a bit of extra gold these days." She smiled. Relief at the end of the war, and Arthur's new prominent place in the Ministry, had obviously done wonders for her. "Did you still want that cup of tea?"

"Ah... yes, but I can join you at the Three Broomsticks if you want." A nice talk in a relaxed area would probably be better.

"Good. Then you run along, Hermione, dear. I'm going to take off for a while, but I'll see you later."

"Alright. Give my regards to Harry, will you?"

Harry?

"Alright dear." Molly gave her one last hug, and Hermione turned and walked off. I watched her go for a minute, then turned back to Molly.

"Did she say Harry?"

"Yes, Severus." she smiled. "I had told Hermione I'd be waiting at the Three Broomsticks with Harry before you walked up. You're on good terms with him now aren't you? I'd heard from Ginny you were."

"Yes. Of course." Oh no.

"Good, then it's settled."

I felt like a truck had hit me. Luckily, thirty minutes later when I was sitting at a table in the Three Broomsticks across from Molly while Harry got our drinks, it only felt like a a run away broom had hit me. In the gut.

"Severus, are you feeling alright? You look paler than usual."

"I'm fine Molly, just, thinking something."

Harry walked up, three mugs in his hand. He passed them out. "Here you go Severus. It is so weird calling you that." He put my down in front of me. "Did you know that's Hermione's favorite drink too?"

I nodded. "Yes, she told me last time we were here." I took a long drink. Though it was one of the larger glasses, when I pulled away it was half drained. Molly looked at me concerned.

"Severus, would you prefer something stronger?"

I shook my head. "No, I don't drink."

"Feeling nervous about something, Severus?" Harry asked, waiting to sip from his.

"As a matter of fact, I am."

"Well, it must be something big to rattle you." He brought the glass up to drink. "What is it? A problem in the paperwork getting your potion marketed?"

"Oh yes, I'd heard about that." Molly cut in. "A huge breakthrough! There was an article in Witch Weekly about it, did you know?"

"Yeah," said Harry. "cause Neville told me about it. He was cited as one of the people who used to melt their cauldrons."

"I remember that, did he really go through that many?"

"I think the number was bigger, actually-"

"Not to interrupt," I said, my voice a bit louder than usual, "but I do have a bit of a problem."

"Of course Severus." Molly began kindly. "What is it?"

I gulped. "It's... a bit of a private matter."

"Should I go?" Harry asked.

Molly held his arm a moment, then looked at me. "Does it have to do with your de-aging?"

I shook my head. "No, that seems to be going according to plan. My memories are well, and I aged as I should when my birthday passed this year."

"How old are you?" Harry asked.

"Twenty-four... again." I replied. "They took fifteen years, apparently."

"Ah, to be young." Molly replied wistfully. "I remember when I was that age. I had two boys and felt so in love with Arthur."

I took another long swig of my drink.

"That's it, isn't it, Severus? You're in love?"

I just managed not to spit it out. I didn't manage to keep from coughing. Molly had to pat me on the back. When I spoke, my voice came out much sharper than it had been. "You really do just come out and say things, don't you Harry?"

"I learned it from you." Harry toasted me. I gave him an icy look then sat up straight, rubbing my forehead my free hand.

"I'm not sure. I didn't think I was until the other day."

"What happened, Severus?" Molly asked.

"The Gryffindor and Slytherin seventh year Potions. They were my first N.E.W.T. class to finish Amortentia."

"That's that very powerful love potion, isn't it?" Harry asked. I nodded. "I remember that. It smelled like Ginny's hair for me."

"Well, it smelled like someone for me, too."

"Who?" they asked together. Their tones did not meld at all.

"It's... not exactly easy to say."

"Was it Hermione?" Harry asked.

I looked at him. "Why do you think that?"

"Well, I've never seen you with that many people. And you've been spending a lot of time with her. And, I've never known you to be nervous while taking to me. Ever. At all." He took another sip. "Closest you've ever come is irate, and that isn't how I'd say this is."

"You're in love with Hermione, Severus?" Molly's question held more surprise than shock.

"I hope not." I looked at the table as I spoke, feeling slightly sick.

"She doesn't know?" Molly asked.

"No, the lesson was yesterday. At first I'd thought her perfume was stronger than usual, but this morning was Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw, and their Amortentia smelled like her, too." Feeling better, I took another sip. "You're taking this a lot better than I assumed you would."

"What did you expect to happen, Severus? A yelling fit and things thrown at your head?"

"After hearing how you can react..."

"Then why did you come to me in the first place?"

I sighed, my eyes circling the room vaguely as I answered. "Because this isn't something I would go to McGonagall or Albus with, and I don't have a lot of choices. Besides, you know her well."

"Yes, but she talks to you." Harry interjected. "And she chooses to have you in her company."

"I am aware of her personal choices, as well as her current trust issues, with everyone, and probably relationships."

"Yeah," said Harry, looking at Molly. "She just had a very bad time with Ron the last time we were here." He looked back at me. "So what do you want to do?"

"I have absolutely no idea. The whole thing is almost arcane to me; it's been ages since the last time I had to deal with love, and it didn't exactly end up in my favor then, did it?"

Harry looked upset, but I couldn't meet his gaze. Molly broke the tension. "It's been a long time. And while I don't know if I approve, I do know it's impossible to deny the heart. And, you have to figure out somehow if she feels the same way."

"Don't worry Molly. I have an idea."

She looked at me kindly, but sadly. "Good luck."

I nodded, then drained my glass.


	17. Transfiguration

_**Hermione**_

I opened my eyes and sighed. Tuesday. Potions was easily my favorite class, and it wasn't for two more days. Even if all I'd be doing was monitoring my brew and stirring, coming in each week to notice the slow change from a mere bubbling of ingredients into an actual potion was a transformation I'd never tire of.

I sat bolt upright. Transfiguration! Today was Mrs. Weasley's first day as teacher. I looked at the door. Should I dress quickly and grab breakfast in the Great Hall? Maybe just a few minutes... I don't want to be caught by anyone and put in a foul mood when I have her lesson.

I grabbed my robes and the black tight knit shirt and pants that was the usual undergarments for them. I was hopping on one foot to the bathroom, still struggling into my pants, to grab a hairbrush and run it quickly. My lack of care made my long brown curls even frizzier, but I didn't mind. It was tangle-free, and my run through the halls would inevitably smooth it out a little, just as Herbology made me look like I had a brown halo around my head.

I slid back into my bedroom on socked feet, slammed my feet into my soft black boots, and then pulled my robes down over my head. Excellent. One look in the mirror, strike a silly but dashing pose, grab my wand. Out the door.

Rather than slip my wand into one of my robe's pockets like I usually did, I waved it and muttered a small spell pointing to my shoes. Instantly they glided across the stone floors like roller skates. I then hid my wand and smiled. Magic wasn't allowed in the corridors, but this would only last about three minutes. Snape was usually there and back by the time I rose, so there wasn't a chance of anyone catching me before the spell wore off. It did, just as I was nearing the long stairs that led up into the main corridor.

I rushed into the Great Hall, grabbing what was closest to me and wolfing it down. I was done in about the same time it had taken me to get there. Not a moment too soon, because people had been on their way over to grab my attention. I waved and then rushed off.

Back in my rooms I brushed my teeth and washed my face and hands. Then I walked over to where my bag was on the floor. This I slowed down for, making I had all the quills and ink I would need, as well as my assignments and books for Arithmancy. Sure I had everything, I left.

Taking the side passage that lead to the halls, I swiftly strode down the corridor. When I reached the main level and kept climbing, I let my eyes wander along the portraits and paintings. Most of them were still asleep; people gathered around tables, horses dosing in glens. A few of them were awake; trees blowing in a breeze, children throwing a ball back and forth. In roughly no time at all, I'd reached the Transfiguration classroom.

Everything looked the same; the tables arranged how they'd been, the boards and objects used for practice in their usual order. However, standing next to a large solid metal statue was Molly Weasley. She appeared to be enchanting it so that copies of it started growing up from the ground in front of each seat. I watched her do this, marveling at her concentration and her ability to use wordless magic.

"Mrs. Weasley!"

She turned toward me and her usual smile broke out over her face. "Hermione! Oh, Miss Granger." She paused in her magic, half done, and walked over to give me a long hug. I smelled cinnamon and spice among all the wonderful smells of her kitchen. She let me go and I looked into her face.

"I suppose it's Professor Weasley?" I asked, smiling.

"Oh come now." She fussed back over to where she had been, and more statues appeared. Again I was highly impressed.

"You can do that and talk to me at the same time?" I marveled.

"Well of course dear. I did raise seven children, after all." she chuckled. I walked up to one and touched it. Solid.

"McGonagall gave me very specific notes on where she'd left off. Your class will be creating copies, one per student. I expect progress by the end of the lesson, but, you can already do this, can't you Hermione?" she said, looking proud.

I blushed. "Thank you M- Professor Weasley. But, honestly I've never tried this kind of magic."

"Just a bit of practice then, dear? Not before class starts, though. Wouldn't want people to go around thinking you're a cheating type."

My face darkened. "They seem to think enough of me already."

She looked at me, her face sad. With a large flourish of her wand, the last few statues appeared in front of the last few seats, and she walked over to me putting her arm around my shoulders. "I'd heard from Harry and Severus you weren't doing too well. Tell me dear, what's been bothering you?"

I sighed. "It feels like everyone's just so quick to judge me, as either a hero or a slacker. There's been some students who are even trying to pick fights or things, thinking I've gotten too full of myself after what happened in the Wizarding War." She looked aghast. "Oh, don't worry! They're the minority." I looked down. "Most people are of the opinion I'm some great hero who deserves honors heaped on her."

"But you are, dear." she smiled. "You, Harry and Ron did us all a really big favor. Severus, too."

"But I don't want honors heaped on me! I just want to go back to being normal. Having parents. Doing my lessons here at Hogwarts. Not being treated like something special, or being given gifts or things for people who worried they teased me before. I'm still the same person, but it feels like no one's letting me be."

She patted my shoulder. "Surely it's not all bad?"

I smiled eventually, my eyes wandering. "No, not really. The teachers react to me like they always did. And it's not everyone in the school; time's going by, and tests are coming up. Most of the 5th and 7th years are too busy to really do anything, and the younger years wouldn't know what to say to me even if I wasn't some 'great important person.' And Snape..."

"Snape?" she ventured.

"Snape's been really great. And that's so weird to say, because I spent so much of my previous time here under the impression he was the biggest dolt that ever lived. But, now that everything's over, it really seems like we're in the same boat. People don't know what to think of him, either. Except no one's really hero worshiping him. Most people are still trying to wrap their minds around how one person can play double agent on such high stakes for so long."

"Two sides of the same coin, then?" she said, brushing a piece of hair from my face in a motherly gesture.

I smiled, looking back at her. "I think so. And, I think in his way he's even beginning to trust me, a little."

She looked thoughtful. "Yes, I think so too."

I was surprised. "Has he said anything?"

She opened her eyes wide. "Oh! No, nothing in particular. But, I do think he's come around on you. And from the way you're talking, I think you have about him, too."

I thought for a moment. "I think I did a long time ago, and just didn't realize it. I knew a teacher at Hogwarts wouldn't do anything evil, and deep down, I think I always knew he was fighting for our side. Things just got so out of hand and impossible, that it seemed impossible too. But, the fighting's over, and now that the proof is really out there that all along my hunches about him were right... it feels all right to trust him. With everything that goes with trusting a person."

She nodded at my words, the same odd, thoughtful look on her face that had been there.

"Mrs. Weasley?"

She blinked a few times, then looked down at me, patting my shoulders again. "Best call me Professor when the students arrive." The bell rang. "Ah, and here they come! Alright dear, take your seat, and I'll finish getting ready for your classmates."

I nodded, feeling confused. She bustled off to finish getting the room ready, and slowly I went to sit down. My usually on top of things mind was coming up short as to what the look on Mrs. Weasley's face had been about.

"What," I said under my breath, looking at the iron face of the statue in front of me. "is going on around here?"


	18. Lessons of a Different Kind

**_Severus_**

I sighed, sitting back in the chair. Another long day. I gazed placidly around my office. As of this hour, roughly forty vials of different colors and shades lined the walls; the product of many hours of my long work and student's long learning. There would be more tomorrow, and every tomorrow periodically until the final days of school.

I need more shelves.

I rubbed my head with my hands in an effort to wake up. Today the 6th years had been doing Draught of Living Death. The powerful sleeping potion's fumes never failed to make me drowsy when experienced on a wide scale, and I still had more work to do. I considered a home brew; I was too dazed to make my own, but perhaps I could find a spare or two in my cupboards. I rose, yawning, and opened the closet door, running my wand along the shelves in an effort to find it faster.

A knock at the door made me sigh. "Professor Snape, sir?"

I grabbed the potion and closed the door behind me. "Speaking. Enter."

The door opened to reveal Harry Potter in a green shirt with a large roaring dragon on it. He also appeared to be wearing the same fireproof chaps and dragonhide boots that Charlie had been using to protect himself from dragons. I rose an eyebrow. He grinned.

"You've been helping your soon to be brother-in-law, haven't you?"

He nodded. "He gave me the shirt to go along with it. These boots are really comfortable."

"Aren't they?" I motioned him in. "Have a seat. The way you sounded at the door, I thought it was someone else."

"But you were still expecting me, right?"

"Yes, yes." I took a swallow from the vial and put it down, feeling more awake, and with it, a sense of dread. "Do we have to do this tonight?"

"You want to figure out how to win the fair maiden's heart, don't you?"

"Don't ever put it like that again." He waited, I sighed. "Won't Molly be rather put out with you?"

"For what? Visiting my new friend Severus, with whom two years ago this would have been a trial and so she'll be so pleased to see we're getting along?"

My shoulders dropped and I looked at the ceiling. "I feel so out of my league here."

"No offence, but you kind of are."

I gave him a sharp look. "And you think you're any better?"

He folded his arms at me, a mirror of my usual stance. "I'll be getting married soon. I think I'm doing alright for myself."

"Point taken."

"It's also not been over a decade since I was last on a romantic outing with a girl-"

"Point taken!" I said, a bit louder. Then I took a deep breath. "I'm sorry about... the other day."

He looked at me for a moment, then put his arms down. "I know a little more about you now, so it didn't really bug me. I just kinda thought we'd moved passed that."

"We have." I frowned a bit at myself. "This is just... That I don't even know how to talk to a woman is something I'd completely forgotten how to deal with, and now trying to deal with it is-"

"A nightmare?"

"Ugh. Yes."

"Well, that's why I'm here! Harry Potter, love life extraordinaire!"

Months from now, when I'm being put in front of the Wizengamont for public indecency, I can look back on this exact moment as to where it all started.

"Severus, why do you look nauseous?"

"No reason." I drummed my fingers on the desk, then nodded. "All right. What do I do?"

"First lesson is compliments. Women love compliments."

"Can't I just resort to the old fashioned methods, where I find a dragon to slay, and then bring her its corpse with my regards to her parents?"

"No, you have to do it this way. Starting with compliments."

"I already pay Hermione compliments."

"Not compliments on her work ethic, Severus. You have to pay her compliments. Let her know you like her outfit, her hair, the way she wears her makeup." I shook my head. "Oh, right, Hermione doesn't wear makeup." I nodded. "Well, perfume then. You just sort of pick something and mention it."

"Oh, Miss Granger," I said, practicing. "I noticed you're wearing the same school robes and have your hair styled in the same way you almost always have it in. Looks good today."

"Well, that just makes us both sound like idiots."

"Really? I wonder why that is."

"You don't always have to be sarcastic."

"Prove me wrong."

"All right! Next lesson." he said loudly. "If you want to take a lady out, you have to give her flowers."

"Does Hermione even like flowers?"

"She's lived in the Muggle world, she loves flowers. Every girl there loves flowers. It's a basic rule of life."

I noted this. "Very well. What kind of flowers?"

"Well, that depends on what you want to say." he continued. "Roses mean you're serious; you'd probably want to wait until after a while to bring those out. But they can also mean that you have no imagination and just picked what everyone else would. Forget-me-nots mean you're trying to be sweet, so they're good, but also very hard to find in most places. Carnations are the go-to flower for simple things with an 'I care about you' added, plus they last a long time in the vase, but they also have no smell whatsoever and get boring. Daffodils, chrysanthemums, and flowers of that nature are a bit more exotic to women, and have some smell, but from what I've seen not everyone likes them and isn't always sure what to make of them. You also have to think on if you're bringing a single flower, a bouquet, a mixed bouquet, or a single flower with baby's breath or small green leaflets because they all can mean something different to the girl you like."

I felt myself sinking. "Anything else?"

"Yes. You also need to worry if she has a vase or not. Because if she doesn't you'll probably need to bring her one rather than be rude and make her go buy one, and so you can get the right kind of vase for the flowers."

I held my head in my hands.

"Don't worry, after you figure out that it's a cakewalk."

I didn't respond to this. "What's the next lesson?"

"Chocolates."

I raised my head. "That should be simple. Chocolate is easy to find, easy to purchase, and easy to give."

"Bar chocolate, sure. Bar chocolate used for feeling better, definitely. But what I'm talking about comes in little boxes and has fillings in them and is meant to be savored. The more expensive ones have emotions mixed up in their centers."

"Well... all right." I said, starting to feel that sinking feeling again. "Still, its a treat, of candy. It should be fine."

He folded his arms. "Do you know what fillings to get?"

"No." I admitted.

"Do you know who makes the best, second best, and best community grade chocolates?"

"I... No."

"Do you know what shape box to get? How big? The color? If it should have a card? Or a note? Or be personalized to her? Or what each of these details and the combinations of them all mean?"

I gulped, trying very hard not to sound overwhelmed. "No."

He smiled at me, in an almost sympathetic way. "Don't worry, Severus. You've still got time. Hermione's not going to graduate for a while, and she's staying in England to work at the Ministry afterwards."

I hadn't moved from staring at my desk. "I feel doomed."

"You're in the world of romance now. You are doomed." He walked over and patted my back. Such an unfamiliar sensation that to many was incredibly familiar brought me back out of my thoughts and into my office, where I realized what was going on. For a moment, I felt excited about the prospect of figuring out how to do this. "Now we have to talk about venue."

I groaned.


	19. Late Night Studies

_**Severus**_

I was staring at my bedroom ceiling. Moonlight was pouring in from the window, whose curtains were usually drawn. I sighed, and looked at the time splayer on the wall. It was well past two in the morning. I rose, my legs making barely a sound on the floor. A fire still roared in the hearth, putting warm light onto the books in my personal library. I had no fear of anything burning. Anything except myself.

I ignored my wand on the bedside table and reached instead for a black silk shirt, slipping it onto my frame and going to the window. My head still hurt from the mental beating of information on how to attract a feminine eye, and I still wasn't completely sure any of it was useful. If such things worked for Hermione, I was certain she would already be on someone else's arm. No, she was different. Special.

I sighed. It was getting harder to continue to be my usual self. While I knew I could retain my stony demeanor in class and not give anything away but a hint of friendship, but I was worried. Not just for myself, but for her. The odd ache, the uncertainty of tomorrow, of each day seeming like years... I could live with that. Some of it could even be passed off as symptoms of de-aging. She seemed so distant from others, with no excuse as such. Not to mention so unaware of how much she meant to those around her. To the students, she was a hero. To Molly Weasley, she was a daughter. To Harry Potter, a sister and best friend. To me... more than I currently dared try to grasp.

I turned away from the window. I was no foolish romantic, no bright eyed boy going on about his first crush. If I thought that of myself, even for an instant, then I would hang up my teacher's robes and check myself into St. Mungos for a full analysis of my mind. This was something more, as she was. Hermione had managed to fight against an evil that had nearly broken much of the world, with no hope of surviving. Such a thing had long ago dampened my resolve, and almost broken me. To me, she deserved every ounce of the kindness and respect, she was getting from those in the school, even if it could be overwhelming at times. She wondrous anomaly. Who can say the things she says, do what she does, and brush everything off and concentrate on nothing but the work in front of her? Even with the stress on her mind she spoke nothing but kindness and intellect, or perhaps the barest of annoyances at the kind of things that would drive the normal being to insanity.

All this strange change, all these strange feelings, had been brought on by her. Even before the smell of Amortentia that opened my eyes to my heart, she had begun something. In my being forced to help her come out of her shell, she had shown me I could come out of mine. She had cried on my shoulder, a sign of trust none had ever given me before. How could I have been so blind, as to never notice what was right in front of me?

I began pacing, looking at nothing. Perhaps I was blind because she was. For all I hadn't noticed my feelings, nor had she noticed mine. If she had, something would have happened, even if had been a word to the Headmistress. As it was, I'd had to inform her of my trust in her. I still wasn't sure if she understood.

Truth be told, I wasn't sure if I understood.

My eyes caught a sudden light and movement outside the window, and I turned to it instantly. The deep darkness was full of stars, clearly visible in the vastness of the black night. None of them, however were moving. A closer look, and I saw it again. The shimmer that had caught my eyes was a firefly swimming in the air, a burning hope blowing in the wind.

Every day seemed like yesterday, and tomorrow seemed unreachable. But, the chance to understand, and to live, is still there. Deep in my mind lay the memories of a life before sadness, and her mind as well. So lies the chance to believe in someone, and to love someone.

I looked back at my bed, the sheets still ruffled from when I had left. I also looked to the notes left from Harry on the table, on what he knew about romance and what Ginny had told him about what Hermione liked. The warnings of my past went through my head, of uncertainty in myself, and of the fact that she was still a student. Then came the positive words of people I could call my friends, my own Slytherin cunning, and the thirst of truly having something I wanted; to earn my own happiness.

I sighed, and reached for my wand. Flicking on a lamp with a quick wave, I sat at the desk, a serious look on my face. One more thing I hadn't done in many long years. I picked up the notes and began to read them; I had studying to do.


	20. Secret Keeping

**_Hermione_**

Eating in the Great Hall had become rather simple in the past few weeks. Dennis always sat next to me, but he usually just chattered about this and that, more like a chipmunk than a boy, only really requesting that I respond to his questions and comments politely. It wasn't anything he actually asked, it just seemed to make him happy that I gave him smiles and attention in between bites.

"I'm glad you started letting me call you Hermione, Hermione."

"I didn't let you call me that, Dennis. You just started on your own." I calmly took a bite of my food.

"Well its still really cool and fun like you and I like your name do you like my name?"

"Your name is a good name, Dennis. It suits you fine." I sipped my juice.

"Some of the guys in the common room were talking about you and how you're pretty and wanting to ask you out but I said they were jerks and there's no way you'd go out with anyone who was just liking you for looks and also cause they never talk to you and I do was that right Hermione?"

"Breath Dennis." He took a long deep breath and let it out slowly, then grinned at me. "Yes, that was a good thing. But you don't have to stick up for me, I can turn people down for myself."

"Right I knew that but I like you and was trying to help cause your nice and you're normal like Harry was and you're his friend so of course you'd be."

I sighed, smiling. He hadn't slowed down his talking at all. "Thank you, Dennis. Now, I have to get going; Potions today, and I want to try and get an extra two feet done on my report about the historic uses of Felix Felicis that led to it being illegal in contests."

"Okay see you Hermione!" Dennis waved, then almost literally attacked his food with a fork. I shook my head, smiling, then started off.

Letting my mind wander, I thought about the lessons for today. Potions would be a breeze; an easy day of writing with almost no need to monitor (I was sure now my Felix was perfect; already little jumping splashes like fish were breaking the surface), but Herbology in this heat would be awful. Even so, Sprout was one of my favorite teachers, and the contents of the greenhouses could be just as interesting as the numbers in Arithmancy, or the potions in the dungeons. I had a good feeling about the day.

I made quick work of cleaning from breakfast and grabbing my books, heading into Potions to find the room empty. I walked around slowly. Everything was ready for class; the cauldrons were out, and the spare rolls of parchment were sitting on Snape's desk. However, there was no hint that Snape was anywhere in the room. I checked the time splayer in the hall. Ten minutes until first bell. Alright, so I wasn't crazy; where was the Potions Master?

Going around the room, I passed close to Snape's office, and heard voices. That meant the wards were down, and he was inside. All right then, everything's fine. I was more than ready to go to my seat and start work when I heard Molly Weasley mention Harry's name.

"...asked Harry for advice about it."

My curiosity peaked, and I leaned into the door. Advice about what?

"I didn't so much ask him as he insisted, Molly. Harry cares about Hermione, and wanted to make sure I did this right."

"I'll talk to him next then. I thought you trusted yourself more."

"I trust myself fine; I'm just a bit out of practise in this area."

A few moments of silence. I held my breath, lest it give me away.

"Still on about your plan, then?"

"Yes, yes. Not that there is much arranging that needs to be made. It should happen easily, at the end of the school year."

"What if she isn't... happy about it?"

"I'll deal with that when the time comes."

Footsteps. If Mrs. Weasley was in there, she'd stop me for conversation, and by the time she'd head off the bell would ring and I'd have no chance to try and figure out what was going on. Thinking quickly, I used my vanish spell, and prayed I'd be good enough. The door opened, and I stopped all movements. Mrs. Weasley and Snape walked out, Snape looked pale and Mrs. Weasley looked slightly red.

"Don't forget what I told you about her Snape. You'd better not inadvertently hurt her with this."

"I promise I won't. That's the last thing I want."

She started out the door, then turned to look at him one last time. "Well, at least your becoming more polite."

I couldn't see his face, but I almost heard him sarcastically smile. "Thank you. Now, go to the Great Hall and enjoy your morning off, before I forget how to be such a gentleman to my newest colleague."

She hurried out the door, and he turned back to the room. He breathed deeply, and looked calmer. I thought a moment. Confident I had an idea that would work, I let down my spell.

"Good morning, Professor."

He turned to my voice. Emotions flashed through his eyes too quick for me to read, then he nodded to be. "Good morning, Miss Granger. Didn't see you come in."

I almost flung my books down. "Was that Professor Weasley I saw leaving?"

"Yes." he said, his tone easy. "She wanted to clear some things up with me."

"Anything involving me?" I asked, my tone just as cool.

He waited a moment. I waited too. Finally he let his breath out and turned toward me. He looked annoyed, and guarded. "What did you hear?"

"That you're planning something, and Harry gave you advice on it. If it involves me, I deserve to know."

"Very well..." He turned back to the desk. "If you must know..."

I felt my heartbeat quicken in anticipation.

"I am planning..."

My hands clenched, and I stood up straighter in defiance of my anxiety.

He swerved to look at me. "A surprise party for you."

My shoulders dropped, and my eyebrows rose. "A surprise party? Really?"

"Yes." He looked vaguely embarrassed. "It was kind of a collaboration of that conversation I had with Professor Weasley and Harry a few weeks back."

I folded my arms. "Then why was Professor Weasley so upset about Harry helping you with it?"

He answered comfortably. "She was worried that, since I had said I could do it on my own and take a load off Harry and herself, and then Harry had stepped into help me, that it meant I didn't know what I was doing, and it would be awful. You do mean a lot to her, after all."

That did make sense. I unfolded my arms, suddenly feeling a bit guilty. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to spoil anything."

He waved it off. "Don't let it bother you. Just pretend to be surprised when it's the end of the year, and you get a party."

I raised my head. "You're really going to throw a party for me?" I said, trying not to sound too hopeful.

"Of course. I'm trying to make sure your friends are there. And your parents, too."

I suddenly laughed, feeling happier than I had let myself feel in a while. "Thank you!"

Forgetting everything, I jumped forward and hugged him. My head hit his chest, and I was pretty sure (though embarrassed beyond belief when I remembered it later) that I made a happy sigh of "mmmm!" when I squeezed my arms around his torso. It was like hugging a tree, he was so rigid. After the first second and I didn't let go, I felt him relax the slightest bit, then fully, though he didn't put his arms around me to return it.

"Your welcome." He said, sounding sincere and shaky. I let go and saw him looking pale and red at the same time.

"Are you alright?" He leaned over and grabbed the desk, looking very unsteady.

"Yes." He almost said it without sounding like he as gasping. "Fine." I started forward, concerned, but he held up his free hand. The paleness was fading, but the red in his cheeks was more resilient. "I haven't had a hug like that in... Actually I don't think I've ever had a hug like that."

In spite of myself, I laughed. "Sorry. I just... Thank you. I think I believe you, about trust, and... That your intentions are honest. Even if you weren't honest with me about what you smell when you smell Amortentia."

He flashed his eyes toward me. "How did you know about that?" he asked, his voice holding almost no trace of the previous unsteady speech.

"I saw you take an antidote after everyone was working on their papers." I answered. His face paled. I clarified. "Don't worry, Professor. I still trust you, and know you to be my friend. I don't blame you for lying to me, it is a very personal question."

He looked at a loss. "The thing about that is... What I mean to say..."

He was stopped from not saying anything more by the entrance of a house elf. I recognized Winky.

"Forgive me, Professor and Miss, but the Headmistress requests that Miss Hermione Granger would come to her office immediately, and that Professor Snape would excuse her absence from class this day."

I felt shocked "But... I have a paper to write!" I protested.

"She also requests that Miss Granger forget about whatever work she was going to accomplish and come with Winky to her office."

I sighed. McGonagall knew me too well. "All right, Winky."

"I expect you'll be handing in your paper later, Miss Granger." Snape said, his voice betraying nothing of the previous calamity.

"I shall Professor." I replied, nodding to him, and taking the hint to put the conversation to rest. I walked over to Winky. "Let's go."

A snap, and I blinked my eyes to the sudden light. McGonagall's, no, the Headmistress's office was very bright in the morning.

"Good day, Miss Granger."

McGonagall's voice was coming from behind me. I turned to see her seated at her desk, two cups of tea already on the table. I tried not to respond negatively; she looked much older.

She smiled kindly. "Please, come sit." After I had, she studied my face. "No need to hide your amazement, girl. I know what I look like."

"What's happened, Professor?" I asked, ignoring the cup in front of me.

She looked past me, out the window. "Too many stresses in my years, I expect. I had hoped I could keep up with everything asked of me. And I have been doing quite well, for quite a long time. But I think my age is starting to catch up with me."

My eyes went to a cane that was sitting near her desk. My mouth hung open slightly, as I fought to understand. "I was... I had no idea."

"I've been trying to keep it that way. From everyone. I only told Severus, and the reason I told Severus is now the reason I'm telling you.

"I was hoping that he could take over for me, so I could retire a bit early."

"What does that have to do with me?" I asked.

"Drink your tea, Miss Granger. It's not polite to not take what's been offered." I quickly raised the cup to my lips, before remembering to add sugar. When I was settled, she answered. "I was hoping that you could tell him for me."

I nearly spit it out. "What? Why me?"

"He trusts you, Miss Granger."

"He trusts you too! And you're the Headmistress!"

"Time are changing, Miss Granger. Both here, and in the Wizarding world, perhaps even in the Muggle world, a time is coming that has not come in a long time. A time of true peace. This is something that few people can recall, and even less appreciate. I strongly feel that something that will help ease the passings, both good and bad, will be a change of our own. The news will come from you. It _must_ come from you. And not as a student, but as a friend. I want to send you and Severus out to Hogsmeade, for a relaxing day, as friends. It won't interrupt your studies, so don't object. I will send you a owl when it's time."

I wasn't sure what to say. "Well, that's fine Professor... I'll do as you ask, as always. But, why excuse me from class for today if that's all you wanted to say?"

She looked at me sharply. "Don't sound so grateful. I wanted you to have a bit of time to yourself." Her eyes softened a degree. "You remind me of myself sometimes, Granger. I wouldn't want you becoming as tired as I am."

I smiled softly. "Thank you, Professor."

She reached out and took my hand for a moment, giving it a light squeeze. "Get back to your rooms. Use the Floo, so you aren't stopped." She rose to lead me there, then grabbed my shoulder just before I left.

"This isn't just for him, you know. You need to let yourself go a little more. I know you don't like hearing it, but you do spend more time with your head on your work than you do relaxing. Try to let go a little, even if it is with our Potions Master. If what people are telling me is right, and you think you can relax around him, then I strongly recommend you do so."

I nodded. "I'll try, Professor." I stepped into the green flames, keeping McGonagall's words on my mind.


	21. A Day Off

**_Hermione_**

The days passed slowly after that. Mornings were spent in class, where the professors in charge drilled it into our heads that N.E.W.T.s was mere weeks away, and we'd have to be sure we had everything mastered. Nights were spent either in my room or in the Great Hall, where I traded skills and tips with students from different houses. At various times I would overhear grumbles from fellow classmates about how they expected us to have everything memorized, and if we'd even need half these spells later. I only half-heard these. My mind was on my work, and if it deviated at all, then I would feel a pang of sadness as these words reminded me of Harry and Ron and what I was missing. At times like this, I would think of my promise to McGonagall to relax, and remind myself that I had people I could count on here, even if they weren't in class with me.

On Friday at the end of our Easter Break (which hadn't been much of a break as each teacher had given everyone extremely long homework assignments to do) an owl dropped a letter onto the table in front of me. I opened it to read in the Headmistress's neat script:

Miss Granger,

It has been arranged for you and Severus Snape to meet early in the morning, tomorrow, for a full day in Hogsmeade Village. You are to be gone no less than four hours. You are permitted to spend no less than 10 galleons on food and various en-sundry items. The money has already been sent to Professor Snape.

Don't be back early.

Minerva McGonagall

"That... was the oddest letter I've ever read."

"What's the weirdest letter ever?" Dennis asked.

"Hmmm?" I hadn't realized I'd said anything aloud. "Oh, a letter my parents sent me... Our lawnmower went on the fritz."

"What's so weird about that?" Dennis asked.

"Well," I replied, thinking quickly. "it ended up running over all the cabbages and vegetables growing in the near-by gardens... So they made a giant salad to share among neighborhood."

"That is weird!" Dennis exclaimed.

"Yes... Well, I've got to go Dennis."

I stood up and set off immediately out the door. Tomorrow morning? The whole day? This seemed a bit extravagant, but considering the news I was to give, I imagined the extra time would be spent coming to terms with things. Knowing Snape as I did, his first reaction to dealing with distress would likely be storming out of whatever room he was in, going to the person responsible, and lashing out with low words of fury. Job offered or no, I didn't think the news of McGonagall resigning (especially given how likely the cause were health reasons) would be taken well.

I was so lost in my thoughts that I didn't notice a door opening to my right, and thus almost bumped right into Professor Snape coming out of the door to his classroom. He happened to look up before I did, and managed to step out of the way. The movement and small gasp of surprise caused me to snap out of it quickly, and simultaneously trip on the end of my robes and fall to the floor.

"Miss Granger?" Snape's surprised voice came from above me. "Are you all right?"

"I'm fine, Professor." I said, rising slowly to my feet and rubbing my backside.

"Well I was aware of your physical well-being; you didn't land on anything particularly vital, and you didn't scream when you hit the ground. I was commenting on your dignity after your rather egregious calamity."

I winced. "Do you have to put it like that?"

"How else should I describe nearly walking straight into me and then falling on your back?"

"You could instead help me off the floor."

He was quiet for a moment. I wondered if the thought had even occurred to him.

"Yes," he said softly. "I could do that."

He bent slightly and offered me a hand. I took it and let him pull me up. Dusting myself off, I noticed his other hand held a few pieces of parchment.

"What do you have there, Professor?" I asked.

He raised an eyebrow. "Comfortable with easy conversation, Miss Granger?"

I folded my arms. "You've already asked me to trust you. I told you I would. If you still want it then please realize that I've just made a fool of myself and don't need your cynicism at the moment."

"I apologize." He looked honestly sorry in his own way, and I unfolded my arms. Inclining his head to me he said, "I have here a letter from McGonagall, among other things, and the letter states I am to meet you tomorrow morning for a day in Hogsmeade. She tells me that I have been working too hard, which I don't believe, and that you have been working too hard, which is entirely possible, and it would be good for our moral if we took a day off before everything picks back up after Easter. I'm not certain as to whether or not the best thing to do before a long work load is to relax, but I'm in no position to deny the Headmistress. So, a chance meeting though this is, it seems as good a time as any to work out when we are meeting 'early tomorrow morning'."

I thought a moment. "Seven, you think?"

"Would you prefer we eat in the village, or I have the houselves make us something to bring with us?"

"Eat in the village please." I answered with such emotion and so swiftly that he again raised his eyebrow. I blushed slightly; Snape had no clue of my strong feelings about house-elf rights, and I assumed my answer had been rather odd to him. A few moments passed, and he shrugged his shoulders, making no comment about it.

"That's fine; I've had food at a small inn called The Golden Owl; their drinks aren't always as good as the Three Broomsticks, but I find the food and butterbeer can rival most of what our castle turns out."

"I'll leave it to you, then. See you tomorrow."

He bowed slightly. "Good day, Miss Granger."

He turned and went down the hall the way I'd come. I watched him go for a few moments before remembering I had to get to the library to finish my work. Hurriedly I went into my rooms, grabbed my bag, and ran out the door. I ended up running back twice, first for forgetting to put books in my bag and second for forgetting to grab my bag after actually packing it. The behavior continued the rest of the day. I couldn't seem to concentrate on anything, especially, and strangely, my work. I managed to get five feet of scroll for charms class, and another three and a half for History of Magic, but I only barely made the two feet requirement for Transfiguration and it took me a lot longer to master turning a twig into a chair than it had for previous level spells. I felt beyond relieved when, that night as I was climbing into bed, I went over the list of homework and knew I'd finished everything expected of me on Easter Break.

I rose the next morning without needing an alarm. I was showered and dry before it was six-thirty. After brushing my hair in a futile effort to make it flat (only resulting in it frizzing more), I went to my small closet. I had only a handful of clothes to wear, but I didn't really mind as I didn't need much besides my school robes. I grabbed a tan and gold shirt with half sleeves that was light and loose, and a pair of navy blue cotton pants that flared slightly at the ends; I hated jeans. Checking myself to make sure I'd be cool enough outside and warm enough indoors, I set out enough cat food for Crookshanks to last until evening and then set out the door.

I arrived in the dungeons a bit early, and knocked on the door. Professor Snape appeared, wearing his usual long sleeved shirt with vest that went seamlessly into his teachers robes. I starred at him for about ten seconds before shaking my head.

"No... No, that won't do at all."

He raised his eyebrow at me. "I don't know what you're referring to Miss Granger, but surely it can't be my choice of dress."

"Pardon my blunt language, Professor, but I refuse to go anywhere with you until you have changed clothes."

He crossed his arms in front of me, bringing his long cloak with him. "And why is that?"

I held my ground. "The first reason is because we are going to be walking about outside in the heat and humidity, and that is far too heavy for you to be wearing."

He scoffed. "I thank you for your note of worry on my behalf, but I am a full fledged wizard and capable of enchanting my clothes so they are well suited for any temperature I may endure."

I ignored this. "The second reason is because McGonagall is having us do this as friends, and today you are Severus Snape, not the Potions Master, and as that is your usual uniform I insist you change."

He looked livid. "You can't be serious."

I narrowed my eyes.

Eventually he broke. "Fine." he said with a sigh that sounded more like outrage then resentment. He turned around and veritably slammed the door in my face.

"And it'd better be short sleeved!" I screamed at it.

Less than a minute later the door opened; probably due to the fact he'd just magicked himself into a different outfit. I examined him. He had chosen a short sleeved button down shirt of a dark Slytherin green, left untucked from black pants that seemed to shimmer rather than shadow (obviously from some spell woven into them). The effect was that I almost forgot who was standing in front of me... Except that his hair was still raven black and shoulder length, his arms still folded tight across his chest, and a scowl still firmly on his face. Still, I felt better about the whole event.

"It will work." I eventually begrudged.

"I feel stupid."

"You aren't." I said.

"I look stupid."

"You don't. Now, come on." I turned around to go.

"Wait a moment!" He called, his voice sounding annoyed. He grabbed the door and closed it, more gently this time, and warded it before slipping his wand somewhere I couldn't see. Walking to the door, he motioned me out of it.

Quickly we walked down the halls. It felt odd, walking next to Snape this time; the only thing billowing out when he walked was his hair, which I noticed never seemed to get in his eyes. I made a note to find out which, if any, spell he used to achieve that.

"Look," I started. He didn't slow down. "I know you don't like going out without your armor, but hopefully we can put this behind us."

He stopped so quickly I almost ran into him again. "Is that what you think I did?" He asked me.

I blinked my surprise. "Honestly... yes."

"I can keep my armor up no matter what clothes I am wearing, Miss Granger. What I am feeling has little to do with my clothes."

Okay then. I guess I ask the obvious question now. "What does it have to do with?"

He sighed. "This feels very, very odd to me, going out with you."

I smiled, somewhat relieved. "Don't let it. We've been to Hogsmeade together before."

"I was dressed in uniform before."

"I thought you said it wasn't your clothes making you nervous?"

He opened his mouth to argue, then closed his eyes and smiled. "Fair point. Very well, let's continue."

We walked a bit easier the rest of the way. When we had reached the path I showed him the spell I'd used to make my shoes act like roller skates. He'd never done so before, but got the hang of it quickly, and in a short while we were racing each other down the way to Hogsmeade, laughing in the crisp morning air. By the time the spell wore off and we were stepping into the village, the sun had risen and it was warming up quickly.

He scanned the buildings as we arrived, pointing to a place down to the right of where the station was. "The small building there is The Golden Owl."

"Why did you stay there?" I asked him.

"I was waiting for the ingredients for Veritaserum to be sent in from the Ministry; the spells at Hogwarts prevents it from taking place there." he explained as we walked. "The Golden Owl was my home for the three days it took the official to remember our appointment."

"I see. Do they know you there?"

He shook his head. "As a Hogwarts teacher I am given discount, but I prefer to keep a low profile."

I nodded. The next few minutes saw us seated at a table in a comparatively small but busy room. A buxom waitress wearing the most convincing medieval peasant dress I'd ever seen and covered in freckles took our order. Snape ordered for us, having the house special of large sausages and a plate of buns along with our usual drinks. I tried not to grin as he did his best to avert his eyes from her chest, which due to his height was right in his face. After she'd brought us our drinks and left until the food arrived, he leaned in close.

"Usually I am against the breaking of such protocol, but today I implore you to refer to me by my first name."

"Why, sir?" I whispered.

"Simply because I think it would be more of a scene for you to refer to me as Professor and have someone get the wrong idea than to keep up with titles when no one is around to hear them."

"Ah." I thought a moment. "What if someone from the school should show up?"

He shook his head and smiled sardonically. "Hermione," he said, "do you really think anyone would recognize me dressed like this?"

I had to admit he was right. In this light, without his robes, he was not Professor Snape. He was Severus, normal person with a highly respectable job. But, I thought again, Severus is a very recognizable name...

The food arrived. We thanked her for the food, receiving a wink and a quick exit. I took a bite; very good.

"Whats your middle name?" I asked.

He raised an eyebrow. I wondered if he'd be doing that to me all day."No comment on the food first?"

"The food is excellent. I was just thinking, if someone hears me call you by your name, they may know who you are."

He nodded. "Tobias."

"Okay. I will call you that when we aren't indoors. And you call me Jean."

"A good idea." He took a bite of sausage. "You seem to have a lot of those. Gryffindor's bravery, Ravenclaw's brains, Hufflepuff's understanding. Any of Slytherin's cunning?"

I laughed nervously. "I hope so." He stared at me. "I was actually supposed to tell you something today."

He looked curious. "And what is that?"

I poked my plate with my fork. "I'm not sure I will tell you."

"Hermione." he said, his voice sounding as severe as it ever did calling out Granger in class. "something you should probably understand about the male gender is if you say there's something you want to tell them, and then you say you're not going to tell them, it annoys the heck out of us. This goes doubly for me."

I sighed, deciding I'd try it another way. I began gently. "Well... You and I have been seeing a lot more of each other."

His expression didn't change much. "Go on."

"You've been doing a lot more around the castle, being in charge of study hall when the houses get together for group note comparing. Every time we see each other, we genuinely have a kind word to say to one another."

He started to shift in his seat a bit. "Yes, I would agree."

"And it's very nice seeing you so often."

"I... would agree to that."

"Did you ever wonder why that is?"

He swallowed. "I have thought about it yes."

"Have you ever thought that you were getting this extra responsibility because you were getting groomed for a higher position?"

He blinked. Then he blinked again. "No, not at all. I had assumed it had to do with the free time I was getting over other teachers, due to my work load being reduced from cauldrons recently unable to melt." He studied my face. "Why?"

I played with my fingers. "Well... Professor McGonagall wanted me to tell you that she's resigning, and having you be Headmaster again."

He stared at me for five minutes. The waitress came by and refilled our drinks, and he still didn't say anything. Finally he answered. "What?"

"Professor McGonagall-"

"I heard you!" he interrupted, being a bit louder than he should have, because a few people looked over. However, they shrugged and went back to what they'd been doing. Severus lifted his arms like he was going to rub his head, then mid motion stopped and rested them on the table, his fingers flexing. He looked like he didn't know what to do first. Luckily when he spoke again his tone was more controlled, or at least lower.

"You mean to tell me this whole thing was arranged, by McGonagall, for the sole purpose of informing me that she no longer feels up to the job of being Headmaster, and you decide the best way to tell me is in the middle of breakfast?"

"I thought it would give you plenty of time to come to terms with it." I said, attempting to reason my thoughts.

"You didn't even give me any hint of what was coming!" he exclaimed.

"I thought I was!" I protested.

"You started it off with 'we've been seeing a lot more of each other due to you being around often'. You call that using Slytherin cunning?"

"No, I call that trying to let someone down gently."

He shook his head back and forth. "I would hate to see you being blunt."

A few moments of silence, where he clenched his hands tight. Finally I ventured a try. "You did see me being blunt, when I told you I wouldn't leave the castle until you changed clothes."

He didn't respond. At first I thought I had only made things worse, before I heard his quiet laugh. Slowly his body relaxed. He took a deep breath, then looked at me. "Hermione, you weren't very gentle, no matter how hard you may have been trying to be. However, I appreciate that you tried." Another deep breath, not as long this time, and he continued. "Apparently I'm supposed to use this day to get over this news. I suggest that since I picked the first spot, you pick the next. However, I insist that before we do anything else, I take you to a bookstore."

My eyes lit up. "A bookstore?"

"I am told by multiple sources you love books, and I feel that, today, I should buy you one. Any book you want; I have a rather large amount of coin to spend today, and we have to use at least 10 galleons of it."

"That would be excellent!" I cried. Attracting the attention of neighbors myself, I lowered my voice. "Thank you. You know, it is rather nice to spend time with you outside of school like this."

He smiled. "I agree."

Time went by easier after that. The trip to the bookstore turned into a visit to the Apothecary where I looked at all the strange and exotic potion ingredients while he named each one off, what they were used for, and at least five potions I had never heard of that they were essential in. Next we went to Honeydukes Sweet Shoppe, where Snape got me a box of sugar quills when I asked, and a bag of lemon drops for himself when I pressed, and then sat on a bench next to each other outside the store, eating out treats and laughing about times passed. I found that, while he didn't have many truly good memories from his past, that certain points had been bright.

"They all became Death Eaters," he explained about his friends. "but, they were my friends through all that. We would stay up late, practicing magic and telling each other about the great things we planned to do in the world. It seems like, only later, that things became dark. Most of us wanted the ages of persecution to end, and we kept our hopes up by sharing tales of grandeur, and the thought that the next generation could grow up without having to be in hiding."

"Do you think that's still possible now?" I asked him, sucking on the end of the quill.

"No," he answered, his eyes looking far away. "But, I don't hate the truth anymore. Our worlds are separate for a reason. I think most of us were as afraid of them as they were of us. It didn't have to do with the fear of death so much as fear of being hated for what we were; exactly what we were doing to them, ironically. But, I see people like you, and I know that it's not important if we're wizards and witches in the open or not, because there are people like your parents who accept it and are proud of you for it."

"They are proud of me." I answered. "And, they aren't jealous of my magic. They just take it as a part of me, one more thing thay makes me clever."

"I would like to meet them someday." he said.

"You were trying to get permission to invite them to my surprise party." I reminded him.

"Ah yes." he said dreamily. "I'd forgotten."

"So you weren't trying?" I said, worried.

"No, no..." he shook his head. "I meant, right now, I'd forgotten about almost everything."

"Oh." I looked back at the other side of the road, where people were walking along their paths. "I suppose that doesn't happen often."

"No." he answered. "It's... remarkable."

I nodded. Arching my back to pop it, I closed the box. "We should stop eating these if we're going to have room for dinner."

"I concur." He pulled the strings of his bag closed and hooked them to his belt. "Where do you want to go?"

"The Three Broomsticks?" I asked.

"If the lady requests." He motioned the way, we started walking. It was only a few rather lazy steps to the doors, which he opened for me as we went inside. It was walking up to a table that I finally noticed what had been so obvious all day.

"You're wearing short sleeves."

He looked at me sideways. "I take back what I said about you having Ravenclaw's brains."

"No, I mean, your arms."

"Yes, I am a human, and posses them. What about my arms?"

"Your Dark Mark is gone!"

From where I was standing, I could clearly see all of each of his arms. Both sides of each arm was the same pale tone the rest of him seemed to be; a fairness to rival the one I'd cultivated spending long hours in the library. But no where on either arm was the black coiling snack that had been there before. I looked at his face to see he was grinning his obvious grin.

"You knew it was gone! How long has it been like this?"

"Since almost a week after I started teaching."

"Why haven't you told anyone?"

He shrugged. "Who's to tell? I don't have many truly personal contacts, and I don't enjoy starting conversations with, 'you remember the brand Lord Voldemort put on my skin all those years ago?'"

"All right, I'll give you that one. But, this is wonderful! You must be very happy!"

"I am, Hermione." he smiled. "It honestly feels fantastic. And I'm also happy to share this with you."

I smiled. "Let me go get the food. They have roasted duck here that I would very much like to try."

He nodded. I went off for about ten minutes, and then returned carrying the tray myself with two plates of food on it to see Severus staring at nothing. I put the tray down and he looked up smiling. After we'd begun eating, he started the conversation again.

"It's been some time since I ate dinner away from Hogwarts."

"How much time do you spend there?" I asked, cutting my food.

"Nearly the whole year." he responded, sipping in between sentences. "A lot of it is spend preparing for the coming year, and making sure O.W.L.s or N.E.W.T.s are sent off as needed."

I nodded, but it felt like a lot to me. "When do you get a break?"

"I could theoretically take one any time I wished, as long as I had a replacement lined up." he answered, slicing a piece of duck from the breast. "However I have found little reason in the past to do so."

"Will you take one this year?"

He chewed his food, but I could tell by his look he was thinking. "I suppose I may, but it depends on a few things."

"What things?" I asked.

He smiled secretly. "Now, that I will not tell you."

I scoffed. "Why not?"

He smiled, shaking his head at his plate while he cut himself another piece. "Because I will not always be Severus and you will not always be Hermione."

I understood immediately. "You mean because we're going to have to go back being friends while being student and teacher tomorrow."

He pointed his fork at me. "You have it."

I thought about this for a while, sipping my drink. "Will you let me know after graduation then?"

He tilted his head slightly, tapping a finger on his fork. "Yes, I would allow that."

"Well all right then."

He shook his head at me again.

After we'd cleared our plates and drained about five glasses each of butterbeer, I found myself walking out of the Three Broomsticks and down the road, heading for Hogwarts castle. It was only now, very full on lots of food and a long, good day, that I wished we'd taken a carriage.

"Tobias?" I asked him since we were still in Hogsmeade boundaries.

"Yes Jean?" I heard him say lazily.

"Would you carry me back to the doors to Hogwarts?"

"Absolutely not." I was almost amazed at how fast his voice regained it's fierceness. Almost.

"Please? I'm tired after all the sweets and food."

"That is no fault of mine."

"Just to the gates?"

"Halfway to the gates," he conceded. "and piggy-back only."

"Agreed." I yawned. He bent down and I jumped onto his back, wrapping my arms carefully around his shoulders and not his neck so I wouldn't choke him. He raised himself up and hooked his hands under my knees, then started walking.

I admit I'd expected him to slow his pace, or else otherwise show trouble with my weight. But his steps didn't change at all, nor the easy rhythm of his breathing. Obviously he was much stronger than he seemed. I leaned onto his back, feeling very relaxed and rather happy. He smelled like herbs and various flowers. I was reminded of something I'd smelled before, but I couldn't put my finger on it.

"Oh, that reminds me," I said aloud. "Severus, can I ask you a question?"

"You may." came his voice in a good-humored tone.

"How do you keep your hair our of your eyes so easily?"

"Permanent Non-Sticking Charm." he responded. "It can even be soaking wet in the rain and it's out of my eyes."

"Do you have to re-apply it ever?" I asked.

"No, but if you're planning on using it yourself, you might have to, as your hair is a different texture than mine."

I nodded. "Thank you. I am."

"Any time."

It began to get dark. Severus whispered a few words, and his wand tip lit up from it's place sticking out of his pocket. The light was bright enough to see by, but wasn't blinding to our path.

"You're very good at magic." I mused.

"I am a teacher." he said in an obvious tone.

"Yes, but, you're good at more than just potions. Why do you teach potions?"

He paused in the way that I knew meant he was forming his sentences before he said them. "I have a special knack for potions that most people don't. Lots of people can be gifted at charms, or other kinds of spells. But only a few people can be gifted at potion work."

"Like being an Animagus?"

"I always enjoy how good you are at putting things together, Hermione."

I smiled into his back, then frowned. "Today was the first truly no down-side day I've had in a while. I'll miss it when you go back to calling me Miss Granger."

"I admit my disappointment at the prospect as well. But these things have to happen."

"Yes, you're right." I sighed. "You're right, Professor."

He was quiet for a while. "I can do you one last favor, though, if you like."

"What's that?" I asked him.

"Hold on tight, and pretend to be asleep when we stop."

A few more whispered words, and we were whizzing through the forest. I laughed, holding him tighter, as he skated in long strides down the smoothed path, much faster than he had before. The wind blew my hair out of my face, and for a few thought-free moments, I felt like I was flying. Only, this was much preferable to being on a Hippogriff or broom, because I knew I was very close to wonderfully solid ground.

We started to slow down, and I heard Severus whisper to me, "Now, act asleep." I closed my eyes and slowed my breathing. I was so good I almost fell asleep, until I heard Filch's voice.

"Ah, Professor. Getting back late I see, but McGonagall informed me she'd requested you to. Is that Granger with you?"

"Indeed, Filch." Severus answered, his voice the cool, crisp voice I'd heard in almost every Potions lesson. "The day she had tired her, most likely brought on by the inane amount of work she puts on herself. I felt that, given the circumstance and requests from the Headmistress, the best choice of action was to see to it personally she was brought back safely, and so I carried her here."

"Right nice of you to do that, Professor." he said thickly. "I'd 'f just dragged the girl."

I felt him nod. "Good night, Mister Filch."

"G'night to you, Professor."

When the air had changed to one cooler, he spoke to me again. This time, he didn't whisper. "All right, you can relax now."

I lifted my head. "So the favor is you're carrying me into the castle?"

"I will carry you as far as your rooms, since they are so close to mine."

"A kinder thing has never been done for to anyone."

"I certainly hope not. I am dressed like a moron, and I am carrying a girl through the halls like an uncouth bum."

"Your outfit is perfectly fine, and you are doing no such thing. You're being a perfect gentleman right now. You always are."

"And you are too kind. In any case I thank you."

All too soon, we arrived at my door. He bent again, and I slipped down. I gave a big yawn and looked up.

"Easter tomorrow."

He nodded. "I'll be sleeping in, most likely. I'm not usually in bed by this time, but I'll be staying up later tonight."

"More work to do?" Another nod. "I'm sorry to keep you out then."

"Not at all." A moments pause, while he seemed to be gathering himself. "Thank you for giving me the news about McGonagall. I know she probably forced you into it, but I can tell how difficult it was for you. Please know, it meant a lot to me coming from you."

"I know it did. I'm glad I could help. I know you trust me."

"I do trust you." He laughed to himself. "And besides that, I really did have a good time today. I hope we can do it again soon."

"We can probably do so again after graduation, before we each start our new jobs."

"I don't want to count on that; there's no guarantee you'll want to see me after your N.E.W.T.s are over."

"Why do you say that?" I asked.

"I'll just say your Potions test will be very trying. Absolutely no hints, before you ask. I could not get away with giving that kind of information up."

I laughed, then smiled. "I wouldn't dream of asking. Well, I would, but..."

He shook his head slightly. "Good night, Miss Granger."

"Good night,Professor." I stepped close to him and gave him a hug. He tensed up again, then put his arms around me and hugged me back. I let go, then he did.

"Thank you." I said.

"For what?"

"For hugging me back this time."

He looked at me, reminding me a bit of how Griphook had once looked at me. "You really are one of a kind, Hermione Jean Granger."

"So are you, Severus Tobias Snape."

He chucked to himself, then bowed low. "Until next time,then."

He turned and walked down to his rooms, the low light of the torches reflecting off him as he went. Before he walked in, he looked back to me, saw me standing there, and waved. I waved back, and together we walked into our chambers and closed the doors.


	22. Feeling My Age

**_Severus_**

It was roughly three hours after I closed the door with Hermione, that I stopped kidding myself and realized I would not be getting any natural sleep tonight.

At first, I was going to go to my cupboard, pick up a random sleeping potion, and be out in no time. However, it was Saturday going into Sunday, my work was caught up, I was not expected to be anywhere, and this was hopefully the first of many sleepless nights that was caused for a pleasant reason. Bemused, I climbed out of bed, and decided to stay awake.

I considered a shower. It was always relaxed me before, even after the Cruciatus Curse, but I was afraid of my feelings washing away with the water. This was unfamiliar territory, and I wanted to spend some dissecting the day in a way that wouldn't let me forget. I pulled a silk shirt over my head, and put on some tea.

It started with McGonagal's letter and package. I remembered wondering what she could be thinking... and then not caring about anything. I didn't feel suspicious, or any desire to Floo to her office and discuss the meaning of this. Only now do I realize the strangeness of that, so unlike myself. _But_... I thought as I paced in front of the fire, _I did want to spend some time with her..._

What I said when she fell... that was more like me. I make no apologies for that. I truly hadn't thought of helping her up, something that seems so obvious, but no one had ever asked me to help them up before. The sight of her taking my offered hand brought a smile to my face. _But, I hadn't been used to trust long enough to refrain from being a bit distant as we parted. I perhaps, could have said more... Tea's ready._

Pouring a cup with only the slightest bit of milk and sugar, I sat down in a chair, tossing my hair behind my shoulders. The warmth from the tea passed through the ceramic holder and into my hands, relaxing me while bringing my mind to events later.

What had transpired between when Hermione left, and when she appeared at my door the next morning, seemed miniscule and unimportant. And to be fair, it was. Much of the work during this time fell on the students; my work to teach them was nearly over for the year. All were papers, and my eyes were all too used to deciphering even the worst quill scratch. I had risen, ready with the dawn, taken a shower, and grabbed one of my nicer robes. I felt it was enough. I felt that, if I wore this, then it would be a usual meeting in Hogsmeade, where I was her teacher, taking my student out for a break from work, while I had a relaxing weekend as well. I shook my head, then sipped my tea; she could have quite the temper over small things.

My throat nearly caught, remembering what I had worn. The shirt and pants that were now laying in the laundry to be cleaned had been something I pulled out of a box in my closet, almost forgotten. I had worn them, and the other articles in there, many years ago when I was close to the age I was again. I was a young Death Eater, freshly introduced to the world, ready to be something, still hurt from James and Lily and trying to take my mind off them any way I could. I had worn the clothes when I was not attending meetings, trying to distance myself from the person I had been, and the person I was turning into, as much as I could. When my humanity had slowly given way to fear and hopelessness, I put the clothes away. When I became a teacher, I put the box in my closet, thinking I would never need it but wanting to keep them. When she screamed at me that I had to wear something short sleeved or she wouldn't go with me, the part of me that didn't want to curse her remembered the clothes in the box. I put some on.

I got up from my tea to walk over to my work station. A wave of my hand, and a small cauldron appeared, already full of a mixture that was not done. I busied myself rummaging through my cupboard for things to add to it... powdered lilac, soft pearls of a blue-green hue, lavender grown in the same soil as the roses already in the potion, and a dove's feather. My mind was only half on my task, the other was walking in the corridor, Hermione close behind me. She had put me at ease quickly; obvious that she noticed, but remarkable that she tried. After that...

I'd felt intrigued at her knowing a spell I didn't, and even an action I didn't. Skating down the path, hearing her ask me for a race, I felt like the years really had rolled backward, and I was out with Lily. I felt exactly like my young self again, and laughed like I hadn't. It faded when I got to Hogsmead and stepped into the inn, I remember. I also remember how unnerved I was when she began talking.

I almost dropped my mortar and pestle, remembering her speech. Dear Lord, I was sure she was going to tell me she felt something for me, or else that somehow, somewhere along the way I'd given up my game and she knew. I almost fell off my chair when she said it was because of the Headmaster job. I slapped my forehead, thinking about it, and rolled my eyes. And I'd thought I was socially awkward. But even then, she demonstrated she cared, by trying to put things into perspective. She hadn't meant harm, she thought she was helping, and just the messenger. Another note in how I'd changed: before, I probably would have ripped her head off.

I looked at the table. The things I had pulled out were ground, pressed, or otherwise chopped. I added them to the mixture, and then stirred seven times clockwise, and thirteen times counterclockwise. The potion instantly went from dark purple to a light pink lavender with a pearly sheen. I breathed in the memory at the end of the day, when she was on my back, talking to me like an old friend, telling me she'd miss me after I was gone. I felt a mixture of emotions, with part of me wanting to pretend I hadn't done anything so silly and lovesick, and the other part of me secretly thrilled that I had acted that way. Like I was fresh out of school and out with a girl I fancied.

"Psst... Severus?"

I turned my head quickly to the fireplace, to see Harry's face in the flames. "Harry?" I walked over, incredulous. "What are you doing here?"

"I knew you'd be awake, and I wanted to know how it went today with Hermione."

I blinked. "How did you know I went with Hermione?"

"She told me. Just got done talking to her, as a matter of fact. She seemed to have a really good time." He didn't seem to be trying to hide his amusement. "So... What happened? Did you do the things we talked about?"

I sighed. "Is this really the time?"

"Aw come on!" he replied. "We're just two young dudes talking about the chicks we dig, yo."

"Where do you come up with this nonsense? Have you been reading American books recently?"

"Are you going to let me come through?"

I sighed, rolling my eyes. Finally I waved my hand. "Come on." I turned to clean up my work station as the fire roared and Harry stepped through onto my carpet.

I saw him nod in approval as he brushed himself off. "So this is what it's like being close to the venerable Potions Master." He sniffed the air. "Hey, it smells amazing in here."

"Don't get used to it." I growled. "I was just whipping up a small batch of Amortentia."

Harry's eyes danced. "You dog."

I rolled mine. "It's nothing like anything you're thinking."

"I'm thinking you'd been wanting to smell her smell again for a bit, and after today you couldn't resist."

I sighed. "It... might possibly be something like what you're thinking."

He clasped a hand on my shoulder. "It's love mate. It makes us do crazy things."

"Like talk to a former student in your night clothes?"

"Nice silk pajamas by the way."

"Are you going to be here long?"

"As long as it takes you to tell me what happened today. I got Hermione's side. She's still utterly clueless about your feelings for her. But there were some parts there that I just had to get your take on."

I dropped my shoulders. "Like what?"

"Like when you took her all over town and said you wanted to meet her parents."

"Oh yeah. Oh, we're having a surprise party for Hermione by the way. We should probably start planning for that." He kept looking at me. "Sit down. If I'm going to have this conversation, I should be comfortable. All right, so I let myself go a bit."

"It seems like you let yourself go a lot."

"Well, how was I supposed to act? She's sitting there across the table from me, looking..."

"Beautiful?" Harry suggested.

I put a hand to my forehead. "Do you understand how odd it is to have this conversation with you?"

He gave me a blank look. "A few years ago, my best friend was attacked in front of me by disembodied, tentacled brains."

I stared at him. "That... does give some perspective." He nodded. "I suppose... I can loosen up a little." He nodded faster. I put my hand down, lightly, onto the arms of the chair and tilted my head back. "Yes, she looked beautiful. Isn't that weird? Before, I never thought she was beautiful. I could barely stand being in the same room with her. And I probably wouldn't have even noticed a difference, if it hadn't been for those orders to keep an eye on her. Obvious now, why they choose me. I had the most time for her, and the most past with her. The most amazing thing about it, is if it wasn't for that stupid Polyjuice Potion stunt you kids pulled in your second year, and I have always known it was you three, she would have had to do it this year. But she'd already done it; no point in teaching someone the same potion twice. So she sat with me instead. And we talked. And I learned so much about her, without trying. Then that day in Hogsmeade... But I'm getting off topic. Yes, she looked beautiful. And she was talking to me like I was just a friend, a random young man she had decided to go out with. I felt like I had to do something for her, had to be with her... And then we were sitting there, outside Honeydukes, with all this candy." I laughed. "Candy. She wanted sugar quills, and she forced me into lemon drops. Did she tell you?" He nodded. I kept talking. "I just felt so... comfortable. Like the years were melting away, and I was a student at Hogwarts again, but I didn't feel like I was talking to Lily. I mean, the emotion was kind of the same, but it was... stronger. I was sitting next to her, and I knew that she knew everything about me. Everything there literally ever was to know, and I wanted to talk to her about it, let her know even more about me. And about her. And she was interested, Harry. Such a strong mind... And she was interested in what I had to say about my life. I just... forgot everything. And... I wanted to meet her parents. Meet the people who had raised this amazing woman."

There was a minute of silence, while I stared at the ceiling, waiting for Harry to respond. The fire crackled. "It sounds like you really love her."

I slapped my hands on the chair. "I can't love her, Harry."

"Why not?"

"Because she's still a student. And I'm a teacher. And I'm no good at this kind of thing."

"That sounds more like you. Self loathing." I waved him off, but he kept on. "However you think you feel, I know you care about her. It's obvious. It was obvious to me when she told me you gave her a piggy-back ride to the castle, and magically skated with her down the path, and pretended she was asleep to Filch so you could carry her to her rooms. You're different when you're with her, and maybe just about everyone is blind to it, but I'm not. I'm her best friend, and I was your student, and now I can safely call myself your friend. She does something to you, the same thing Ginny does to me. She makes you feel warm, like your whole body is tingling on the inside."

I kept my eyes on the floor. "It could just be my blood pressure rising." I muttered.

I saw him smile. "That also happens."

He was quiet for a few minutes. So was I. His next question nearly floored me. "Are you gonna snog?"

Correct that. It did floor me. I got up from the rug to glare ice cicles at him through my hair. "What?"

"If she likes you, she'll want to."

"What makes you think she likes me?"

"She favors your class over any other class."

"That doesn't mean much."

"Severus, Molly Weasley teaches here."

I ran my hand through my hair. Then I gave him a look that I had never given anyone else: a pleading one. "Harry, what do I do?"

He tapped his fingers on the chair. "Do you still want to wait until the end of the year to do your plan?"

The reminder of it made me feel more solid. I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "Yes. I have to, anyway."

"Then, I suggest you enjoy your time, talk to me if you really feel like you have no clue how to proceed, and take a potion that gives you dreamless sleep."

I tilted my head. "Why do I need a Potion of Dreamless Sleep?"

He shook his head to the side slowly, smiling. "Trust me, you'll need one."

With that, he got up, waved good-bye, and Flooed out, leaving me feeling more confused with what had happened than before.


	23. Unbidden

**_Severus_**

After Harry had gone, and my rooms were cleaned, and the effects of the Amortentia (and the day) had worn off, I felt more like myself. With it, came my conclusion that Harry didn't know what he was talking about. Whatever strange thing had caused that whole conversation (sleep deprivation, most likely) did not have any bearing on who I was or how I would act. Whatever feelings I seemed to have, I would deal with them in my own time, in my own manner. For now, I would get some sleep.

Climbing into bed, I unbuttoned the silk shirt and hung it on a hook nearby. I was only recently getting used to the fact that my skin was no longer scarred, and it didn't hurt to have the contact of sheets on my body; a truth I relished. Laying my head on my pillow, I closed my eyes to instant sleep, only to sit up in bed panting five minutes later.

I rubbed my head with my palm, looking at the time splayer to make sure. Yes, five minutes. No normal reason for me to be dreaming that fast, but I had. And it hadn't taken long at all for what I thought was a very business prone mind to go back to Hogsmeade, or to Hermione's door where she'd thrown her arms around me.

I shook my head, putting a hand to my chest to calm my heart. It was alright, I'd woken before anything happened. Not that anything would have happened. I checked the time again. Another three minutes had gone by, just talking to myself like this.

_Maybe I should take the Potion of Dreamless Sleep..._

I clenched my fist. No, I would not do that. I refuse to take that kind of way out. I can sleep just fine, and not be plagued by any more dreams. I started to lay down, the hesitated. I'm just being paranoid. I couldn't possibly dream the same thing twice... but, it wouldn't hurt to take a nice, warm shower, would it?

Yes, I surmised. A shower is exactly what I need, after my day. Toting a student around is hard work. _But that's not what happened..._ said an annoying little voice in my mind. _You enjoyed that..._

I brushed these thoughts away as I went to turn on the water in my shower. As the water began to get hot, I examined myself in the mirror. My eyes weren't cloudy, my skin wasn't any paler than usual. I turned to the side. No thinner, no fatter. The same sharp eyes looked out at me from my angular face and long, athletic form. I was no Madame Pomfrey, but as far as I could tell, I was fine and hadn't changed a bit. If only I could examine my mind...

I felt the air getting steamy, and sighed, pulling away from the mirror. What was happening to me? I still had the memories of my life, the good and bad, the trying and joyous, and the ones that were deep with stabbing pain. Yet with each passing day, I felt less like the Snape I had been, and more the Snape I was. The unsure young man who found peace in school work, and in talking to a certain young woman...

I stepped into the shower, the water hitting me with a jolting splash, but my thoughts weren't jolted. Was that it? Was Hermione just a replacement in my mind for Lily? I thought back, remembering her. Long hair, sharp mind, sharper tongue. The memory hurt, but it also got me thinking. Hermione and Lily _were_ a lot alike. Perhaps not physically, but the comparison was there. Both were very smart. Both had Muggle parents. Both could put me in my place when they turned their temper on me. But, Hermione knew my past, knew what I'd been, and accepted me. Years of being under my tutelage, and she didn't despise me for my temper. She even understood some of the torture I'd gone through.

I felt myself leaning back against the frosted wall, closing my eyes while the water fell on my skin. My mind went blank as I felt myself relaxing. The steam that had fogged up the glass was falling against my body like hot breath. Or was it hot breath? I swore I could feel lips against my neck, hands sliding down my sides, and then a whisper... "Severus..."

I opened my eyes, gasping, to find myself alone in the water. I'd fallen asleep again. My head hit the wall as I tilted my face to let the jets wake me. Catching my breath, I slapped my hand on the wall behind me. No more distractions. I had to finish showering, then go to bed.

I poured the shampoo into my hair, long lines of suds running down my body. _Merlin's beard I would be fired if anyone knew what had just happened._ I took a long breath. Relax, Severus. No one's around, and no one's spying on you. _And even if they were, I'm a master at Occulmency; I could keep them out if I needed to._

Feeling secure, I continued washing my hair, and then skin, with a fairly blank mind. Only a few side notes to myself, certain problem students who might need a last push before finals, reminders to give the allergy remedies to Madam Pomfrey before the week was out, but it wasn't too long before my mind drifted back to Hermione.

I sighed to myself, but this time I was determined. If I was to think of her, then it would be of my choosing. Things I could do for her. Actually organizing the surprise party would be a good start. I bit my lip, an odd action that I had little control over. I wanted to impress her. The more I tried to deny it, to try and hold myself back until a few more months had passed, being around her nearly every day was too much to ignore. I wanted to help her, do something that would prove my feelings to her, without words. Perhaps if she was falling from a broom, and instead of spell casting I ran under her and caught her in my arms...

I shook my head. The Slytherin in me would never allow something as obvious as that. No, my original plan would more than suffice. And the cool demeanor I would present it with would be enough to get me by if it should go awry. Not that I was expecting that, per se... All things handled in their own time.

Satisfied, I turned off the water and began to dry off. My pale shadow in the mirror moved with me through the vapor covered glass. I ran my hand over it to see my reflection dripping water everywhere. Not even thinking about it, I waved my wandless hand. Instantly the room, and myself, was dry. Pin straight, my black hair hung around my face. A flashed memory of the first dream, where Hermione had not said good-night to me, where she had pulled me close to her in a dark part of the halls and tangled her fingers in my hair, her face and figure getting closer...

A sound in my rooms pulled me back. I looked angrily at myself, inwardly slapping my face to get my head out of that particular cloud, then quickly spelled on my clothes. Grabbing my wand from the counter, I slammed the door open.

I saw nothing. Nothing was out of place, and the fire was out as it had been. I lowered my wand. What had that been? I heard it again, clearer. A faint sound, familiar, but...

Not wasting another minute, I lifted the wards from the door, exploded out of my rooms and office, then re-warded them halfway down the hall. The sound had not been in my quarters, it had been in my mind.

Hermione was calling for me. Somewhere in the castle, something had happened. Something was wrong.


	24. Too Much at Once

**_Hermione_**

After Harry had left me on the fire, I laid down to bed. I proceeded to toss and turn for what felt like hours. I simply couldn't sleep.

Finally, I sat up. What could be bothering me? Usually after such a good day like today, I slept soundly, and awoke refreshed from pleasant dreams. Yet, tonight, I felt off.

I sighed. I was sure a long hot bath would do the trick, but after having been a Prefect for two years (with full access to that wondrous room they called a bath), then coming back as a normal student and having to end a day in a 'normal' soak... Well, that was one of the rare things I truly missed. Even the private shower I had in my room didn't begin to compare to the marvelous feeling of soaking in perfumed water, with a myriad of bubbles and jets and foams dancing all around you...

I stepped out of bed and grabbed my cloak, a sly grin on my face. _What's the harm in a little rule-breaking? _I thought to myself. _Just this one time, of course. But a nice, long luxurious bath would be the perfect end to this day... And it's not like I wasn't a prefect before..._

Still wearing my pajamas beneath the long black of my cloak, and carryig my wand, of course, I went for the door. Before even opening it, I cast a silencing charm. The spell muffled the creak of the hinges as it moved for me, and the closing behind me. Just to check, I stamped my foot, hard. Not a sound.

Smiling to myself, I started down the hall. There were no portraits here to give me away, but I knew at this hour the castle would literally be asleep. I felt no fear in using Lumos, until I reached the mid point of the first staircase. Here, I let mysef be guided by memory alone.

The moonlight through the many windows was beautiful, and soon I was almost dancing down the hall, giddy with the feelings from the day. So much fun! It was hard to believe it had been with Snape; but these days, not really so hard. Some days he didn't even threaten to disembowel anyone. Some days, becoming more frequent days, I felt like for all he was my teacher, he was also my best friend.

I stopped suddenly, seeing two lantern-like eyes looking at me from down the hall. A soft mew sounded.

"Mrs. Norris?"

She seemed to nod her head in the moonlight, and I saw her begin to turn.

"Wait!" I cried as loud as I dared. Amazingly, she stopped. I froze, disbelieving my luck, then continued. "We're... kind of friends, right?" She tilted her head at me. _This cat is very smart..._ "I mean... I'm not really a student, am I? And... I did help Revive you in my second year, when you were Petrified, right?"

She stared at me for a few seconds, then turned around and began to run off.

"Wait!" I called again, this time reaching for my wand. Whispering a few words under my breath, I pointed at the floor, praying it would work. Water shot out of wand, a small puddle, along with a few fat hopping fish.

A louder mew, and Mrs. Norris walked up and started munching on the fish, keeping her eyes on me. I didn't know long the charm would work, knowing the laws magic as I did, but it worked with birds, so I hoped it work with fish.

Finally she trotted off, a fish in her mouth. I waved my wand again and the bones and water disappeared. Sighing in relief, I continued, almost at the statue.

"She was actually after me, you know."

I turned on my heel, my wand pointed toward the voice. Mark Turner strolled toward me out of the shadows, his hands in front of him defensively. "Whoa, I come in peace!"

I lowered my wand. "Mark?" I almost laughed. "What are you doing here?"

"Same thing you're doing; taking a walk at night. But this is much closer to my room than it is yours."

I half nodded. "Yes, but the Prefect's bathroom is down this way."

He looked confused.

"I wanted to use it. It's really glorious in there."

"Ah. I'm not actually one for baths, no matter how good it is. I'm just going for a stroll..." He walked around me in a half circle, staying on the side away from the windows. "You know, I'm really surprised to see you out here. Aren't you famous for being a goody-two-shoes?"

I scowled. "Taking a walk after hours doesn't mean I'm going to start setting off dung bombs. I had a really good day today, that's all."

"Yeah, I didn't see you in the library like you usually are. What did you do?"

My eyes narrowed. "Not that it's particularly your business, but I went to Hogsmeade with a very fine gentleman."

"A 'very fine gentleman' huh? Does this 'gentleman' have a name?"

"Mark, I haven't really enjoyed your tone much this conversation, and I wouldn't tell you even if I had."

He stepped closer, his eyes guarded. "I had asked you myself, you know."

I scoffed. "Yeah, Dennis told me all about how you and some other guys were 'asking'. I prefer my dates to be more respectful than that."

He chuckled low to himself in a way that made me grip my wand. "Respectful... Yes, you're all about that, aren't you, Miss Granger? Famous Hermione Granger... Saved the world. Helped defeat Voldemort. Used her mind to aid in tracking down of the Horcruxes, as well as breaking into the Ministry of Magic and uncovering the many scandals going on there. Still has to come back to school and do her tests. Pushes everyone away. Thinks she's better than everybody."

"That's not-"

"What you're doing? Did you ever think about how you appear to the rest of us? Acting all high and mighty, not bothering to try and be friends with everybody but that... Creepy Creevy kid, and the Slithering Snape."

"I'm not going to apologize for my taste in friends." I replied, gritting my teeth. "If I stay to myself, it's because I don't think anyone else would understand how I feel. Given how you just talked to me, I'd say I was right."

"Well, you know what I think?" he asked, with a very unpleasant smile on his face.

"What do you think, Mark?"

"I think that your Silencing Spell is good, too good. I think that you're a bloody show off. And I think that you're just some bitch that needs to be brought down a few pegs."

He rushed at me. I fired off a curse, the first one I could think of, but I missed. I was too off guard, and he was too ready. The spell hit a near-by suit of armor and ricocheted into the wall, but not before I hit the floor. Mark jumped after me, landing on my lower body with his knees. I bit back a scream, knowing it would do no good, and not wanting to give him the satisfaction. He grabbed my arms.

"I'm told you've survived the Cruciatus Curse by Bellatrix Lestrange." His face twisted into something that I'd once seen on Lucius Malfoy's face. "Let's see if you can survive this."

He pulled my arms over my head despite my struggling. I tried to reach up and bite him, but he bent out of reach of my teeth. Grabbing my thin wrists with one hand, he used his freedom to reach for my shirt.

"What exactly is the meaning of this?" Professor McGonagall rushed down the hall, leaning on a cane but with all the speed I had previously seen of her. When she was what was going on, she pulled out her wand.

Mark was ready. He pulled me in front of him, then fired off his spell. It hit her in her bad leg, and I screamed as she fell to the floor. I felt myself being pushed hard, and hit the floor next to her. I turned to see Mark running off down the hall. I tried to get up to start after him, but I felt it was useless. My word would be enough to have him punished for this later. For now, I had to see to the Headmistress.

"McGonagall!"

I reached for her. She raised her hand to me, pain in her face. "I'm fine."

I sounded hysterical. "You're not fine. You need to get to a healer." I felt myself crying. "We have to get you to Madam Pomfrey or something." Inside my head I was screaming, _Professor Snape, where are you? Why did this happen? Severus, please, I need you! This is awful, and I can't help her!_

"I can't walk Hermione, and you're not in any state to gently levitate me down to the Hospital Wing. You'll have to go get someone and leave me here."

"I can't do that!" I cried. "What if something happens to you while I'm gone?"

"Nothing will happen to me Miss Granger. I still have my wand, I can manage."

I didn't listen to her. I couldn't listen to her. This felt too crazy, after all the normalcy, being back at Hogwarts, for me to act rationally. I lifted my Silencing Spell. "Help! Please! Anyone! McGonagall is hurt!"

I heard long stomps in the hall before I'd even finished speaking. Professor Severus Snape, looking very disheveled and with a crazed look in his eyes, came bounding around the corner. He stopped for a brief moment when he saw the scene, then continued running. A part of me questioned how he possibly could have heard me and gotten here so fast when the dungeons were far below us, but I didn't care. When he got close to us, I saw he was in his pajamas; he must have ran as soon as he knew, because he didn't bother changing.

"Severus, please send me to the hospital wing." I heard McGonagall say. "Miss Granger, I want you to go to my office and wait there for Professor Snape."

"Yes Professor." I said, still in shock. Numb, I watched as Snape levitated the Headmistress carefully, then started down the hall. I watched them go, then turned and walked the other way. When I reached the stone gargoyle, I stared.

"Umm..." It didn't move. "I don't know the password... but McGonagall told me to come back here and wait for Professor Snape."

A few moments of nothing, then it turned to pass. Once inside, I looked around.

Everything looked about the same, a pot of tea ready to be poured. I helped myself, hoping to take my mind off what had just happened. The tea didn't even make it into the saucer, my hands were shaking so bad. I put it down and reached for my wand, doing better with a controlled spell than my own hands. I spooned sugar into it, stirred, then sipped. I'd finally managed to put the cup down without making the china tinkle when Snape walked in.

I didn't run to him, or even move. I just stood, waiting, as he sat down at the desk. He looked tired; I didn't blame him. Finally, he spoke.

"Professor McGonagall has determined that it is best if she retire for the evening."

I relaxed slightly. "So she's fine?"

He looked at me sharply. "When I say retire, I do mean 'retire'. While the spell given by a 6th year isn't enough to put her out, she already has been facing some... health issues. From tonight on, it would seem I am the new Headmaster of Hogwarts School."

I was quiet. "Well... congratulations." I twiddled my fingers. "How... how did she know I was in trouble?"

"It would seem that a curse hit a suit of armor, and then the wall. The Headmistress felt the attack on the castle, and ran to see what was going on. Her report to me stated that she found you laying on the ground with someone on top of you." I looked down. "What happened, Miss Granger?"

I took a deep breath. "I wanted to take a bath in the Prefect's bath... I missed it. When I was almost there, Mrs. Norris stopped me. I gave her a fish... Mark stepped out of the shadows, and began to hurl insults. I defended myself and... He tried to assault me. I fired off the spell, which missed, and then... McGonagall came. When he saw he was caught, he flung a spell at her. It hit, and he ran off."

A few minutes of silence. Finally he spoke. "A detailed report. Which Mark was it?"

"Mark Turner." I answered quietly.

"He won't be pleased with being called out in front of everyone tomorrow. I'll have Filch find him and escort him to Professor Weasley's office, where he will likely be expelled and on the train home at first light. Hopefully, his parents will be pleased to see their son back before they learn why."

I sat quietly. "What will happen to me, Professor?"

He was silent, looking around at the portraits of the past heads of the school. "I would think you've been punished enough. But I think it's best if we keep our distance from each other."

I was stunned. "Why?"

"I have a feeling when we track down young Mark he will say something snide about you, as others have, about your being obviously close with me. I feel the best way to protect you from further incidents would be to keep away from you."

"But you're my best friend!" I cried. "I've just... I've just had to watch a person try to do... who knows what to me, and then attack Professor McGonagall, and you're telling me that now I have to lose the number one person in this school I can go to? You're Headmaster now, you could protect me, and obviously I'm not going to go out after dark anymore. I just don't see-"

"Stop arguing with me Miss Granger!" He yelled. I sat back in my chair, dismal and wide eyed. "I know you don't see the point of it, but I do. I appreciate what you have gone through, and it terrifies me more than I care to admit. Which is why I am so over protective of you on this. I will keep an eye on you, I promise. I can hear you when you call. But I need you to just go back to your room, get some rest, and then try to have a good Easter."

I didn't say anymore. I didn't nod. I rose from my chair, and ran from the room.

**_Ginny_**

I fell through the Floo so fast my hair half wrapped around my neck. I pulled it back into a long ponytail, then ran to Hermione, who was crying next to the bed.

"Hermione? It's me, Ginny. I'm here."

She was sobbing, her robes pulled around her, half done. I noticed she was wearing her pajamas beneath them, but didn't say anything. If Harry had been right, Hermione was very upset, and pointing this out or trying to correct it wouldn't hurt. I leaned down next to her, offering her my shoulder.

"Ginny... Thank you." Hermione said, her voice sounding strange. I'd never seen her cry like this before.

"Harry said you contacted him through the Floo. He said something was really wrong, and said I should head over."

"I'm glad he did." She gasped in big breaths, trying to calm down. "Everything's just... awful."

"It can't be that bad, can it?" I said, trying to soothe her. "I mean, we've both been through some pretty bad stuff."

"This is different than that, though!" Her words sounded so desperate, I almost started crying myself. "This is... Someone tried to..."

I stopped her. "What happened?"

She put her head on her knees. "I just wanted to take a bath in the Prefects' bath... Everything was so great today, Ginny. I went out to Hogsmead with Severus," I nodded here; Harry had told me about that, "and it was so wonderful. I felt so happy, and I just wanted to end it with a bath. You know how those baths in there are." I patted her shoulder, nodding. "Well... I ended up running into Mark. I'd just bribed Mrs. Norris with a fish; I didn't know it would work, but it did, and then he walked out from behind somewhere. He said Mrs. Norris had been looking for him. We started talking, then he started on saying how I should be going with him, and how I was just a show off, and acted too good for anyone. I didn't care what he said, and told him so. Then he said I needed to be 'brought down a few pegs' and.."

I hugged her, shaking my head slowly. This was awful, and something she'd never had to face before. None of us had. I blinked, trying not to cry, wanting to be strong for her because she needed it.

"I started struggling," she began again, her voice muffled by my hug. I sat up. "I had a Silencing Spell, so screaming would have done no good; no one outside the barrier could hear me, and even sounds in it were muffled. He was reaching for... me... And then Professor McGonagall came up. A spell I'd fired to stop him had missed and hit the wall, and she felt it as an alarm going off and came to investigate. Then Mark hit her with a spell, and ran off, and then Snape came running up. He took her to the hospital ward, and then met me in the Headmaster's office..."

"Well, then everything's fine then, after all?" I said. "I mean, Mark's not gonna get away, and Snape's obviously going to be there for you."

She shook her head and sobbed louder. "He's Headmaster now, and he said he doesn't think it's a good idea if I see him anymore."

I gaped. "What?"

"That's what he said! And I told him he's the best friend I have here, and he just yelled at me some more and told me he'd keep tabs on me but I can't talk to him anymore, and now I've... I've got no idea what I can do..."

"You can try going to my mom about this stuff." I tried.

She shook her head. "Thanks Ginny," she raised her head, sniffing. "but Mrs. Weasley isn't someone I want to go to with things like this. She's more a parent than a friend, and I don't want her to worry more. She wouldn't respond to me the way he did, honestly and openly. She'd fret. I don't want someone to fret... I just..."

She started crying again, silently, but still crying. I hugged her. "It's all right Hermione... It's all right..."

Hours passed. She seemed to calm down for a bit, and then start just as hard. She didn't talk much, but every so often she'd mutter something, like she was trying to hold a lot back, and shake a little. Harry had told me about the first few days after Ron had left when they were searching for Horcruxes. I thought this must have been what it was like.

Finally, as the sun was rising, Hermione fell asleep. Wordlessly, I levitated her into bed, flicking off her cloak to hang it for her, and then covered her with my hands, tucking her in. When I made sure she was sleeping, I walked from the room into the main part of the castle.

I paid no attention to anything, making a straight path for the Headmaster's office. When I reached the gargoyle, I didn't speak. I just stared at it. It lasted ten seconds before the path opened for me, and I flung the doors to Snape's new office open wide.

"What is the meaning of this, Miss Weasley?" Snape's voice rung out annoyed as he rose from his seat at the desk.

"Don't even give me that, Snape." I fought to keep from yelling at him. "I have just spend the whole night hugging Hermione after what happened here, and I think a lot of it has to do with you."

He sat back down, his eyes flashing. "As the new Headmaster I will work to put wards in place that let me know when someone underage is out after dark, but I don't think the blame for the incident falls on me."

"Will you stop talking like that?" I raised my arms in the air in frustration, then put them on my hips. "You're sitting there spouting this at me like I have no idea how much you care about her, like you have no idea how much what you said to her hurts her, especially after everything that went on last night. She depends on you, and you pretty much told her she could go ahead and stop that."

"I did no such thing. I care about her well-being, and I felt the best thing for her to be treated like a normal student would be if she didn't have special attention from the Headmaster anymore."

"Yeah. That would work. Except she has no chance period of being treated like a normal student! Everyone here knows who she is, and everyone in our world is going to be brought up hearing her story. I wouldn't be surprised if in a few years, she's not on a Chocolate Frog card. The only thing this is doing is making it harder for her now."

"Miss Weasley, I don't really appreciate you coming in here and speaking to me like this." his tone sounded dangerous, but I didn't begin to care.

"You wanna know what I don't appreciate? The way you treat the girl you love. The way you're still sitting there, trying to keep up this attitude like because you watched your life go to hell you can't decide to take this second chance everyone's trying to give you, and do something good. The way you're still acting so stupid, and hurting everyone around you, keeping everyone out, when we're willing to there, we're willing to help, and there's no threat. No one's going to end up dead. There's no Dark Lord or hidden threat or black, looming shadow over everything anymore. There's right now. There's a blossoming peace. There's a nineteen year old crying in her room because she feels like her whole world just came crashing down around her because after the best day she'd had in a long time, she got attacked, watched one of her favorite teachers get attacked, and then was told by her main lifeline that she can't see them anymore because 'he's trying to protect her'."

He was staring at me, shooting fireballs at me. My eyes shot them right back. Finally he lowered his eyes. "You know, you get angry just like your mother does."

I didn't relent. "You want me to go get her to try to talk some sense into you?" He didn't respond, but he looked slightly more nervous. I sighed in frustration, and shook my head. "Look, you wanna protect her? Be there for her. She needs that way more than she needs your professional distance." I turned to go, looking back to see him looking at his desk like it wasn't there. "As a favor, I won't tell my mum what happened; she'll hopefully only hear the part about what Mark did when she expels him in a few hours. But Snape... don't make Hermione cry again."

As I left the castle, I noticed a student with black hair pulling his trunk out at roughly the same time. Smiling vaguely, I walked down the path to where Harry was waiting as he promised he'd be. He looked at me questioningly. I sighed, and shook my head. He nodded to me, then grabbed me, and Apparated us home.


	25. Intervention

**_Hermione_**

I woke up feeling like crap. I had hoped that after everything had been done, this would stop happening to me, but here it was again. A deep down part of me, the part that had been slowly growing used to the daily pain of the year before, was in a way relieved by it. It's alright, it said. It's normal by now, it said. I ignored that part, delving instead to the numbness, and the small voice that urged me to go where I hoped my friends were. I jumped into the fireplace and over to The Burrow.

Bless them, they didn't ask me why I was there. Everyone was aware of what had happened, and by some miracle, Mrs. Weasley had beaten me here, with a homemade Easter breakfast ready for me. I ate it wordlessly. It was almost difficult to do, with the usual bustle about the house, and George coming in and out with loads of test pranks for his shop. Almost, because I couldn't seem to ignore what had happened.

It felt so unfair.

Slowly, though, I did eat, and with the kind smiles from people who didn't press, and Ginny and Harry taking turns holding my hand and suggesting curses if I wanted some revenge, I began to feel better. And, a little ashamed. Not for what had almost happened; I knew far better than to feel like a victim for that. More because... I should be able to handle this. I'd handled far worse. But somehow, even though my spirits were lifted, and my mind began to wrap itself with understanding around the problem, the hole in my chest didn't fill.

The day dragged on. Noon came, and I was lying on the couch in clothes I had borrowed from Ginny. They didn't exactly fit, but I knew they didn't really fit her either, so I didn't complain. I wouldn't have anyway. The ceiling looked so... peaceful. I felt like i could just lay here and let yesterday have been a dream, going back on Monday like nothing had happened. Except I couldn't. I knew I couldn't. But I didn't know how what to do instead of that, either.

There was a knock at the door. I didn't get up; I didn't feel much like I should. I heard Mrs. Weasley answer it, speaking softly. Footsteps came into the house, and I sat up as I heard a strange third sound with every other step. I managed to look up in time to see Minerva McGonagall walk into the room, hat on her head and full staff robes on. I rose.

"Please, sit down Granger. I would like to talk to you, and it's best if we do this with as little stress as possible." She stepped slowly across the floor to rest on a large chair next to me, a little slower than she would have normally but otherwise fine. I waited, expectant.

"I understand there was a bit of a problem last night between yourself and Professor Snape." I opened my mouth to explain, only to have her hold up a hand. "I'm not asking for an explanation. I think I understand what is going on, anyway."

"You do, Professor?"

She nodded. "I do. However, that is not why I am here today. I am here because, I feel, given the reaction from both yourself and Severus, that I should return to Hogwarts as acting Headmistress until the end of school year."

"Can you... can you do that Professor?"

She gave me a stern look. "I can do whatever I will, Granger."

I looked down, color rising in my cheeks. "I meant no disrespect, Professor McGonagall. I just meant... Are you well enough?"

She rubbed the top of her cane purposefully. "I believe I am. I also believe it would be worse for the school if I didn't. We've had too many Headmasters recently step down for odd reasons, and I'd like to stay at the school for the rest of the year."

She rose to leave, and I with her. For a few minutes, she studied me.

"You have been a favorite student of mine, Granger. I'm not sure if you know that. You are exceptionally bright, and as I said before, remind me not a little of how I was when I was a girl. Which is why I was rather stunned to hear you had been so overwrought about what happened. I had a few words with Potter before coming here, and I think I understand this situation better than most people; certainly better than Mark Turner did. I am interested, and pleased in my own way, to see a situation such as this unfolding, on both parties' behalf. Perhaps, tomorrow, you can see Professor Snape face to face, and work a little of this out. I'm sure, given his past, he'll want to wait until after you've graduated to come to terms with this predicament, and is probably having his own reservations about the whole thing that he's not admitting to anyone including himself. However, if anyone can be patient with him, it's you."

"Thank you Professor." I replied, feeling very confused. She nodded to me, then walked out the door.

Ginny came into the room after she'd left and sat down on the couch. "What's up?"

I sat down beside her. "I'm... not sure. She says she's going to be Headmistress until the end of the year, and she knows about me and Snape fighting."

"That... might have something to do with me." Ginny admitted.

I looked at her. "What do you mean?"

She twisted her fingers. "After you fell asleep, I went to the Headmaster's office, and yelled at Snape until I was blue in the face."

I gasped, but it sounded more like a laugh. "You did? What... why?"

She unclasped her hands. "Well obviously because he was acting like a prat, and I wanted to call him on it."

"But he's a teacher!"

"So? He's not my teacher." She shrugged her shoulders to my look. "I know about all that stuff that happened, with Harry's mom, with You-Know-Who killing her and Snape feeling bad, and all those years of being a double agent. I get it. I do. And it is a huge amount of stuff to deal with. But, he's had time. More time than we've had to deal with what happened to us. I had to go to school while he was Headmaster and watch my classmates get tortured by their friends in detention. My dad had to stop going to work because he felt like killing innocent people was a bad thing to do. And I'm pretty sure I was the youngest person fighting in the war at Hogwarts who made it out alive. I hate that he acts like he has to stay away from everyone, like he had stuff he has to make up for, or like we won't get what he's been through. Sure, there are people who won't, and sure, there are people who probably never wanna see him again, even considering all the good he did. But, you and me, and Harry too, we are not those people. And he's got to stop treating us, you especially, like we are."

"When you put it like that, you make me wanna yell at him, too." I said, smiling at last.

She grinned. "Don't. Because I think I managed to talk some sense into him, and I wouldn't want you going off and yelling at him, making him think that all girls are crazy people who scream at him all the time."

"I don't think he'd think that but... yeah... I don't really want to yell at him. I think. I just... I really want him back, Ginny."

"As friends?"

I looked at her strangely. "Of course as friends. What else could I mean?"

She looked past me. "Nothing. Pretend I didn't mention it." She got up and walked out of the room to go outside.

I watched her go, my mouth open and shaking my head. Finally I got up and started walking out of the room. "When did everybody go crazy?"


	26. Revelation

**_Hermione_**

If I had thought that a meeting with Severus Snape would never be awkward again, I was wrong. The first meeting back, Monday afternoon when classes were over and I walked into the Headmasters office, was exactly that. It went well enough, finding out that McGonagall would be acting Headmaster, seated at the Head of Table, and still taking up residence in her rooms. She would go to Snape, however, reaching out to him with his Legimency if there was any problem or need for something.

I nodded to each new piece of information, storing it in the mental compartment that I kept most things. He looked different than I'd seen him before; if I hadn't known better, I would swear he was ashamed of himself. Maybe I didn't know better, maybe he was. It was especially likely if Ginny's words had affected him the way she assumed.

"Do you have any questions for me, Miss Granger?" he asked at the end of his announcements. I thought for a moment.

"Yes, Professor."

"What is that, Miss Granger?"

I shifted slightly in my seat, looking at my hands in my lap. "Could it be possible for us to go back to how we were?"

I saw him lean back out of the corner of my eyes. "How were we?"

I blinked a few times, then bit my lip, a rare show of confusion. "I thought we were friends..."

His voice was soft. "I suppose we were... friends."

I felt lost. "Ginny told me what she said to you. And then McGonagall came by and said you were upset, and said you'd probably want to wait until after I was no longer a student... Perhaps this is unheard of, but, you are important to me as more than a teacher. I'm sorry if this bothers you, but I feel it needs to be said. I don't have much here, personally, anymore..." I stopped, unsure of how to continue.

"If... I had the time... Would you like to meet me in my offices in the dungeons after my classes end? I understand you're very good at studying on your own, but if you wouldn't mind a different mind working with you, I could oblige. And, perhaps some light conversation wouldn't be a problem."

I looked at him. His stance was the same stance I'd seen during my time at Hogwarts, but the eyes were new. More... human... than I'd seen previously. I nodded.

"I would enjoy that."

A few things changed over the next few days. Jessica Noble came and apologized to me, saying that after she'd heard about what Mark did, she felt like her sister had been hotheaded and judgmental. She proceeded to make an honest try in talking to me like a normal person, and even got a few other people to as well. I felt like I was making a few friends, but found that I had been, sadly, right. The story of the year I had spent helping to chase Horcruxes and other 'interesting' things, were the preferred choice of conversation those around me seemed to have. I didn't mind answering questions they had, but I had hoped that the novelty would have worn off by now since the hero worship had died down. I also fielded questions about Professor Snape being my friend, with many of the girls in my year wondering if there was something more there. I insisted there wasn't, wondering how many times I would be asked the question (and also inwardly blaming Ginny for cosmically starting it).

I also spent more time with the Potions Master and secret Headmaster of Hogwarts. He, in turn, seemed to open up a bit, at one point on the third night of our study meeting even joking that it was almost like he was a double agent again having to teach Potions by day and run the school by night. We talked about many things, usually going back and forth over what to expect with N.E.W.T.s and the finer points of DADA (which he was very familiar with), but occasionally talking about our favorite pass times or nothing at all.

Something I couldn't seem to talk about with anyone was my growing feeling that Severus was able to understand me on a scale that no one else could. He noticed when I was feeling down (the day I received a letter from Ron stating he was dating Lavender again) or when I was feeling happy (the day I had finally successfully beaten a boggart), and I felt like I could understand the same things about him. It wasn't that I felt awkward about it, it was that between studying for exams, trying to have a small social life, and meeting Snape for private lessons, I didn't know how to bring it up.

Then one day, Tuesday, heading back to my rooms after Transfiguration with free time the rest of the day (the snap dragons in Greenhouse Three were sick and sneezing fire everywhere, so we had the afternoon off) I saw a note on Snape's office door through the crack in his classroom. Thinking this was very odd (his classrooms were usually warded), I took a look. The note said:

To Hermione Granger,

If you are reading this, then you are obviously you, as this is written so only you will be able to see it.

I am down at the lake, gathering various plants and creatures for my store cupboards.

If you wish to meet with me tonight, come down on the far side, near the forbidden forest, and look up.

-Severus Snape

Ah, alright, I thought to myself. Nodding at the door, I dropped off my books in my room, and slipped off my robes. Classes were over, so I changed into a stone grey shirt and my navy blue pants, then set off down the halls.

Arriving outside, I took a long breath of fresh air that smelled like grass, then set off down the lake. The sun gleamed off of it, casting shadows on ripples left by the giant squid. It waved a lazy tentacle to nothing in particular. I waved back.

Ahead the trees loomed. I looked for any sign of Snape, or really anyone. Then I noticed him standing on the shallows of the water, his cloak discarded on a low branch of a tree, sleeves and pant legs rolled up, wand out. I waved, but he didn't seem to notice; his eyes were to the surface of the water, seemingly still. As i approached, he quickly slashed his wand, and a small creature flew into the air and into the flask Snape had produced from seemingly nowhere in his free hand.

"What was that?" I said, sounding shriller than I meant to. He looked up, surprised.

"It's a baby grindylow." he answered, his voice sounding obvious without sarcasm.

"I didn't know they made babies." I marveled, coming closer.

"Well, in truth, they don't... Not the way most creatures do. But, the word 'baby' describes this organism as much as any other term for young being would."

I nodded, and he went back to work as I watched. His vest was partly undone, and his hair was in shambles, but the look of concentration on his face was one I'd only seen on a professional's countenance. I waited. A few moments passed, then he slashed again, and caught another one of the strange watery demons.

I whistled. "You make it look so easy."

"It's really not." He said, flicking his eyes to me.

"Why don't you just go into the water, then? You have gillyweed."

"I can't do that."

"Ah. Impossible to catch there?"

"No." he wanted a moment. "I can't swim."

I stared at him. "What?"

He repeated himself a little louder. "I can't swim."

"No, I mean... Why can't you swim?"

He slashed once more and then caught one more in his now very full flask, then bottled it and turned to me, shielding the sun's light from his eyes as he did. "I wasn't around water much as a child. Also, being magic, I felt that any situation that I was in water I could easily get out of it."

"But... What if something happened, and you were unconscious in the water? Or without your wand?"

He answered each question frankly. "If I'm unconscious in water it doesn't matter what spells I know. I can do wandless magic."

"I still... I mean..."

He sighed, brushing wet hair behind his ears and walked into the shade of the trees. "Think about it this way," he began, drying himself with a wordless spell. "if I have never been in any such situation yet, given the dangerous life I have led, why should that change now?"

I admit, I have no answer to that. I opened my mouth, then closed it, shaking my head. He put his boots back on, and looked at me. "There are trade offs, you know."

I raised my eyes. "Like what?"

He walked over to the nearest tree with straight bark, then grabbed it, finding nooks I couldn't see. In a few seconds he had scaled it and swung himself onto the first wide branch. I looked up.

"How did you do that?" I called. "Magic?"

He jumped down, featherfalling at the base of the tree. "No. I learned quickly how to hide as a child. Sometimes, that meant going above prying eyes."

I looked out across the water. "Was it because of your father?"

He walked up beside me, looking at the same nothing I was. "Yes."

I stood silent. I felt him stiffen and start to walk away. I turned. "Wait, please."

His back was to me. "I don't like talking about that."

"I know... But I think you should."

"Why?" He turned back to me. "It's in the past."

"Lots of things are."

He looked blank, his eyes slowly going back to the water. "I prefer to think about the future... However..."

"You can't, because it's uncertain?"

He looked at me. "Exactly." Slowly, he smiled. "You really do have a magnificent brain."

"So do you." I retorted.

"That was never called into question."

"Don't be so sure. You don't know everything."

"No," he agreed. "but I don't have to."

I smiled, then looked off. "I'm getting a lot of attention for how easily I talk to you."

I saw him turn and put his cloak back on, and his whole attitude relax from being back in uniform. "What did you intend to do?"

I shook my head. "Nothing. I like this, even if it warrants comments. I think... I would warrant comments no matter what."

"No, not necessarily. If you behaved as they expected, you wouldn't."

"How do they expect me to behave?"

He folded his arms, thinking. "I imagine they expect you to be a Great Hero, distant, stunning, boisterous. A true bravo."

"I'm none of those things."

"I know."

I looked at him suddenly. "Come with me."

I turned and walked into the shadow of the forest. He followed, calling. I ignored this, until we were deep enough in that the shades were thick but the sky could still be seen. Then I sat at the base of a tree.

He walked up in front of me, raising an eyebrow.

"Sit with me."

His expression didn't change. "I'm not out of uniform."

"You don't have to be out of uniform to sit with me."

"What makes you think I will?" he asked.

"You followed, didn't you?"

I knew I had him there. He sat. I leaned into the tree, looking up, feeling a slight wind.

"My parents are Muggles, as you know. I was named Hermione because my parents wanted to be clever, two dentists naming their beloved daughter a unique name that few people would pronounce easily. I was given... well, the best. They wanted me to be smart. I had loads of books, loads of things to do to enhance my mind and wit. I took trips with them. They told me everything they could think of about the world, and I was going to go to one of the best schools. Then the letter came, along with an Official who informed my parents of what I was, and what I was going to be. My charming parents thought it was all a joke, probably still do, just another quirky thing about their bright daughter. Bright, silly, obnoxiously smart daughter... No wonder I was such a loner growing up. I had my clever parents, but didn't understand social graces. I never learned when to keep what I knew a secret, because nothing had been secret before. I spoke what I was thinking, without any need to hide. I had no idea it could bother people... Until Ron not-so-tactfully pointed it out to Harry and Seamus that I had no friends. He was right, I didn't. You remember the cave troll Harry and Ron fought? They had been looking for me. I'd run and hid in the bathrooms because I thought no one liked me... And no one should... When they rescued me, I covered for them, because it was the nicest thing anyone could have done, coming to save me, knowing I was the only person in the castle who didn't know about the danger."

"Is that how you three became friends?" His voice asked from beside me.

"Yes. Underneath the hurt between Ron and me, we're all still friends."

He was quiet. Then he spoke.

"My father didn't like anything. Not his job, not me, not my mother, maybe not even himself. He worked at the mill, and would be gone all day and come home, eat what my mum had managed to make, and then yell about it. When I grew older, and started doing 'things', that was when I started needing to hide. At first, my mother,she protected me. She knew magic, but she knew she couldn't do it in front of him, or else be brought up in front of a court, and then what would happen to me? She would whisper these words between tears. She would whisper that she wished she could go back to her family, who had been just as cruel, but at least they would praise me for my talent, rather than beat me for it. It was during this time that I first met Lily, and Petunia. I had been watching her, and knew she could do magic. I loved her, as only a little boy who had never seen beauty before could. When my mother took me to the train, she was there too. We were friends... until I made friends with the wrong sort in my chosen House. Then one day, in the misdt of torment, I called Lily, my best friend, a Mudblood. She never forgave me... I never really forgave myself. After everything was said and done, and I had turned double, I returned home. My father had long left... My mother was long gone. The house was empty, and I felt empty with it. I continued to... Until recently."

"What changed?" I asked.

"I did. And, I think it's at least partly thanks to you."

"What did I do?"

"Everything." He rose to his feet, offering me his hand with a slight smile. "Come on. We need to be getting back before dinner." Referring to his outstretched hand, he added. "I remembered this time."

I took it, offering his help. Together, we set off toward the castle.


	27. No One To Blame

**_Severus_**

I woke to intense knocking and sunlight streaming in through the curtains. I blinked my eyes at the light, taking a few seconds to wake. I'd slept in? What time was it? Was I late? I sighed in the sudden realization that today was Saturday and the knocking hadn't stopped nor was it about to. Shaking my head slightly and finally opening my eyes wide, I waved my wand down my body to summon my uniform and boots.

"Alright, all right!" I said loudly, rushing to the chamber door and opening it wide. Molly Weasley stood there, a tray in her arms and looking too cheery for my taste.

"Good morning Severus. You missed breakfast."

"So you took it upon yourself to bring it to me?" My words were stern, but even as I said them I stood to the side to allow her to pass, which she did, placing the tray on my paper laden desk with a great show of joviality.

"What are friends for?" She said, smiling as she turned to me still standing at the door.

"I have no idea." I closed the door and walked over to the tray, grabbing a piece of sausage and taking a bite. "I just woke up." I said, a hint of amazement in my voice.

"Might be the first time you've ever slept in."

"Might just be." I took a sip of the goblet, looking past her out the window. "I was helping Flitwick last night; his work load is catching up to him."

She nodded, looking concerned. "He's been doing two classes the whole year. I'm amazed he lasted this long."

"Well, there's not a lot of people able to teach Defense Against the Dark Arts, and those that are able still think the job is-"

"Cursed. Yes." I took another bite of my sausage, blinking a little hard to get sleep from my eyes. She watched me for a bit, something I didn't make much of.

"Severus, are you alright?"

"Of course I am. Why?"

"There's been some..." She stopped, and tried again. "Well, I know my daughter yelled at you quite a bit, and far from threatening her employment future, you ended up apologizing for the behavior that had caused it."

"Your point?"

"Is there a side effect of the de-aging I should know about?"

I could have smiled. "No. Nothing like that. Honestly with each day its refreshing. I'm told one of the worst forms of torture is a young mind trapped in an old body, and I have a break from that." I sipped, strolling around the desk to sit. "It has to do with the dreams I've been having."

She looked uncomfortable. "I don't think I'll ask."

I narrowed my eyes. "Molly do you really think I'd admit it if I had those kind of dreams?"

Her cheeks reddened. "No." She smiled slightly. "I've raised a lot of boys, so I got carried away." Pulling up a chair, she sat. "So what where you dreaming?"

I sat back, looking idly at the food she'd brought. "Its the same each time. I'm thinking, while I dream, of my class in potions. I'm talking to myself. Wouldn't it be nice if I was left alone, how magnificent would it be to rule the world... Things I used to think that's been in the back of my mind, pushed there by the changes in my life. Then the scene changes,and instead of a room, or figures that I know, there's a great glass object that looks like a flask. As I think, the flask fills with a dark swirling smoke, and I feel tense, worried, like I'm doing something wrong. And then I think about Hermione, and the flask empties, and fills with butterflies-"

"Butterflies?" she interrupted, sounding incredulous.

"I thought it was weird, too, even in my dream. I thought, why butterflies? I never think of those. But they were fluttering, and a golden and red color. Very beautiful, and watching them made me feel peaceful. I thought the same thoughts I had been, and the smoke filled again. I thought about Hermione, and the butterflies, and peaceful feeling, came back. Then I woke up."

"It's descriptive to be just a dream." she mused. I nodded, my mouth too full to answer her. "Do you think you'll act on it?"

I swallowed. "Aside from my goal to change my attitude for a more friendly demeanor to as many people as I see fit, no."

"You haven't thought about just telling her how you feel?"

I shook my head. "No, and I recognize that look on your face, Molly. I know you care about her. And about me. But the other day we were outside, under trees, telling each other secrets that before had been only known by ourselves, and I could barely bring myself to sit next to her. I'm not ready, and I'm willing to admit that."

She waved her hands. "I think you're being overly dramatic. Besides, I know the girl. I'm pretty sure she fancies you."

"Then she will still be fancying me the day I find out for certain."

Her sigh made me put down my food. "Molly, I'm doing this my way."

"Yes, well, that's not about to change." She rose, pushing herself up from the side of the desk. I remained seated, trying to ignore her searching look. "You don't have a lot of time to mull over this, you know. End of term is the end of the month."

"I know." I said quietly.

She didn't say anything at first, then she turned. "Mr. and Mrs. Granger will be here in two weeks, along with everyone else for Hermione's party."

I nodded. "Thank you for arranging all of this."

She turned to me frazzled before she left the room. "If you were my son, I'd have slapped some sense into you about this girl weeks ago. But you're not, so I can't. But you watch yourself with her, Severus Snape, or I'll send my daughter after you again."

She slammed the door. I stared at it, stunned. Then I rubbed my forehead, feeling like I had no one to blame for all this but myself.


	28. Stubborn

**_Hermione_**

I felt like I was diving. Ahead of me was blue without fear or darkness, just a deep color and absence of form. Voices rushed over me like dawn's light, a million thoughts and sounds and conversations, then the sky broke, and I saw myself standing with a tall dark form. I was laughing, unaware I was watching myself. I felt a peaceful joy radiating from the figure, which suddenly seemed to start, and turn as if it noticed me watching us. It began to turn...

An alarm woke me. I slammed my hand on the table before I remembered this was Hogwarts, and the clock alarm that woke me at my home was miles away. I looked around in time to watch the spelled bird sounding the alarm disappear as it noticed my movements, and rubbed my eyes.

Early morning. Class today, another long day of endless review and preparation for the important tests to come next week. I couldn't be more excited. I felt like my whole life had been preparing me for this moment, and soon the exams that I had been studying for would happen. Best of all, this was one year where I knew they wouldn't be canceled (finally!). If only I wasn't distracted.

I drew myself up, trying not to fall out of bed. Thursday. Essays in both Potions and Herbology. I flexed my fingers, getting them ready, feeling silly with a huge grin on my face. I loved this time of year, and this time it wasn't fraught with fear of disaster. Only a wonderful tension filled me, mixed with anticipation and a determined mind. I no longer feared failure, something I had been inwardly fighting with since day 1. It was probably because of last year, maybe because of this year. Either way, time to get ready.

I grabbed the tight black outfit and slipped it on, glad I'd showered the night before to save time. Grabbing my hair brush while I walked to the closet, I untangled my hair while I picked out my shoes. Today was a day for my laced boots. They weren't particularly fancy, but they weren't as worn as my other shoes, and I felt good this morning. A few more days and tests would happen, a week of those, and then a week off. And such good dreams recently. Not very clear ones, but they always left me feeling refreshed and blindingly happy. It all came together that I decided on lacing up my shoes instead of just slipping them on and buckling them.

As I warded the door, I heard a now-familiar commotion in the hall ahead of me, and the smile I had on got wider. Had I somehow managed to catch the elusive Professor Snape as he was leaving for breakfast? Today truly was a day to end all days. I rushed ahead quietly; quietly, because he seemed to be talking to himself.

A few steps away and I heard him say, "...of all days. I'm not prepared for this at all." and saw him bang his head slightly into his door.

"Professor?" I started, concerned. He looked at me, his eyes too tired to be surprised, leaving me to feel surprised for the both of us.

"Good morning, Miss Granger. Did you sleep well?"

I nodded. "You apparently didn't."

"I'll ignore that remark, because it's true." He sighed. "Working with Flitwick, and now this. It seems we're going to be interviewing people for the position of Potions Master next year, and we're getting an applicant in today. He insisted. The newly-reinstated school governors couldn't turn him down." He warded his door. "Never could the fools." He nearly spat.

My mind worked fast. "That is to say... you mean..."

He nodded. "I've been up since two hours before dawn, trying to prepare myself for this. He apparently wants me to meet me first, then go to the Headmistress's office. Catch up on old times."

"Lucius Malfoy." I shook my head, trying to clear it. "He ended up on our side, didn't he?"

"If it wasn't for Narcissa and Lucius caring more for their son than power, he wouldn't be. They were never keen on what was happening to their boy at the Dark Lord's bidding. All the same, I'd trust Narcissa first."

"I would, too." I replied, remembering the night in Malfoy Manor. "Lucius always seemed too hungry for glory... Narcissa and Draco seemed to just want us and everyone gone."

"Well either way, we're supposed to forgive and forget now... He's been pardoned from doing time, and given up a good share of his fortunes to the families of wizards, and muggles, that he helped to destroy."

"I'd bet everything I own he still has more gold than either of us would know what to do with." Snape nodded, then tilted his head suddenly.

"What is it?" I asked when he had gone longer than five seconds without saying anything.

He held up a hand to silence me. Another second passed, and he whispered. "Lucius is coming. And if the aura I'm reading is correct, he doesn't want to see you. At all."

My heart raced. I felt no fear for an attack, but an angry Mister Malfoy, right now, right here, frightened me. Too little time had passed from laying in agony on his carpet for an encounter, especially thrown from grace and holding a new wand. I started to turn.

"Don't try to go up the stairs, he's about to head down them." I looked both ways, then at my door.

"Do I have time to make it to my rooms?"

He was looking past me, his eyes focusing and unfocusing rapidly. "Not without him hearing you."

I felt like screaming. Instead, I did something crazy. I grabbed him, gripping his clothes and forcing him to meet my eyes. "Help me."

He froze for half a second, then spun us to the side in shadow of a statue. "Don't breathe." His arms and cloak enveloped me, and I felt his thoughts utter a spell. The bit of the floor I could see went brighter, and I realized he'd cast a vanishing charm on us both.

Not two seconds later did the sound of footsteps start at the end of the hall. Soft at first, and uneven from going down steps, then stronger and more sure of themselves accompanied by a soft tap. I felt that creeping feeling of terror, and pressed myself further into Snape, comforted by the response of a tighter hold. The smell of herbs, sweet and musky, filled my senses. Snape's heartbeat, steady and fast, coming from a chest so still it felt like porcelain. Porcelain? I wondered to myself. Snape's skin... smooth and white like porcelain...

Those thoughts shattered when the small vision of the hall was suddenly filled with the visage of Lucius Malfoy. For all I had heard of his 'change', he seemed just the same to me. His hair was the same length, his robes the same fine material, his eyes held the same icy chill . True, he looked a little older, but all of us had come off with that particular scar. Even the newly de-aged Professor Snape had a look in his eyes that hadn't been there before from nearly dying yet again. Malfoy, however, was nothing like Snape.

He strolled easily down the hallway with all of his over confidence of before. I saw him adjust his cloak before he went out of my vision, the soft tapping of his cane ending to become a knock on Snape's door. I held my breath.

"Severus? It's Lucius. I'm here as promised." I couldn't help it. The sound of his voice reminded me of too much I'd only recently come to terms with. I moved up to put my head under his chin and my arms around his waist. Snape didn't, probably couldn't move. A shadow rippled, but no more; Malfoy didn't notice. "Severus? Are you there?"

_Yes, but I'm terribly busy and can't come to the door right now_. Snape's voice sounded in my head. I smirked back in my mind. _I heard that._

I felt him stiffen as Malfoy looked both ways, but I could tell by the eyes beneath the silvery hair he wasn't looking at us. Maybe for us? He knocked again, and I saw him begin to pull his wand out of his cane, then stop as though thinking better of it.

Slowly, Malfoy raised a hand to the door. I saw him close his eyes and place his palm onto the solid wood surface. _He's trying to use my wards to find out where I am._ Will he be able to? _No, my occlumency is perfect._ Years of keeping everyone out, I mused. Lucius pulled his hand back as Snape answered, _truer than you think._

"Must truly be out..." Malfoy's voice said softly, sending awful chills down my spine. "No matter. I'm sure the Headmistress will give me a warm welcome." He turned sharply and walked past us down the hall. Quickly as they'd come, the tapping of shoes on stone faded into the distance.

I felt the spell lift and Snape shift to let me go. My grip tightened. "Not yet, please."

He acquiesced, his arms tightening, once more, but I heard the soft baritone of his reply quickly. "I feel as though I'm taking advantage of your pain."

I didn't move. "Why do you feel that way?"

He paused for a moment, something I felt in his whole body. "I enjoy holding you." When I didn't answer, he further explained. "You wouldn't need this right now if you weren't hurting."

I breathed in slowly the comforting, almost familiar scent on his clothes. "Don't be upset with yourself for being able to make me feel better. If you'll be put at ease, later when you have to deal with him yourself, I'll hold you."

"I don't like your sarcasm, Granger."

I looked up. "Who's being sarcastic? It seems like a fair trade to me."

He shook his head, but he didn't let go. "I couldn't let you do that. It would be on unfair terms."

"Well, I can't force a favor on you." I sighed. I felt him laugh softly and shake his head. "What?"

"You are an interesting young woman, Miss Granger." I moved to look up at him, meeting his eyes in time to see him flinch then go back to normal. "We should be getting to breakfast."

"All right." I said good naturedly and let him go, starting with him down the hall. "Do you at least feel like you can talk to me if the meeting with Lucius doesn't go well?"

He groaned, turning a slap on his forehead into fingers combing his hair. "Fine! If I need to talk about it, I'll do so in our next study session." He rolled his eyes and folded his arms. "Stubborn."

"You're stubborn!" I shot back.

"You're a know-it-all."

"I just study hard! You're anti-social."

"I refuse to be insulted by a base fact about myself." He replied, grinning behind his scowl.

"Well, I'm going to beat you to breakfast!" I said, running up the steps. Not to be outdone, I heard his boots slamming the ground just behind me, and for a few minutes until we reached the Great Hall, I was back in Hogsmeade.


	29. Unfair

_**Minerva**_

Slowly I ran my hands over the cane I used. It was a fine walking stick, made in India's underground courts, where people practiced earth magic and snake bites did no harm. It had been sent to me by a friend I'd had there in my younger days, who'd told me the cane would bless me that as I used it I would feel no pain. It was beautiful, with marking of animals and symbols I knew wielded power on their own, yet appeared black and nondescript to the gazing eye. It felt almost right, being in my hand.

I sighed and put it down, literally gulping a potion Professor Snape had made in almost the same instant. Within moments, my legs felt strong. True, the effects would not last, and couldn't be achieved often, but it was worth it. I would not allow Lucius Malfoy to think I was at a disadvantage.

My timing was near perfect. I was setting down the cups for tea when a knock at my door came. "Enter." I watched as it swung open, the silver tip of his cane pushing for him. I scowled at the blatant attempt at style.

"Lucius Malfoy. Still stuck in the Dark Ages I see?"

"Minerva." He inclined his head, a slick smile on his face. "Radiant as ever."

I fought to turn my mouth into a smile. "Please, have a seat." I said, gesturing toward the desk where the kettle sat waiting.

"Thank you." He walked elegantly across the room and sat down. I moved less-elegantly and took my seat. He looked bored as I poured him the tea and offered him cream and sugar, which he took in abundance. Silence grew between us, mine cold, his amused, as we each made our cups. Finally he sipped his beverage, sighed, and looked at me with intent.

"First, thank you again, for the warm welcome. I had expected the same from our Potions Master, but he appeared to be out." I was going to retort, but I thought against it. Let Snape mount his own defense and let me in on the story later so I could back up his tale, rather than the other way around. "Down to business. I hear tell you will be retiring next year?"

I put down my cup, perhaps a bit too harshly. "That is correct. I plan on giving the position to Severus Snape when I do."

"Then I am up to date on the situation." Of course you are, you prat. You read the announcement, same as anyone else. "I would like to apply for the position of Potions Master."

I tried to keep my voice light. "Why, Lucius! Actually applying for the lowly job of teaching students! Why the sudden change?"

"I care about the poor children getting an education after our dear friend Severus leaves, of course."

"Of course." I agreed, nodding concernedly.

"I want to help people, out of the goodness of my heart. And what better way to help people than make sure this school has the best of the best, after Severus becomes too busy to teach himself? And I know how very few people there are who could apply for the position..."

_You fiend_, I thought at him ferociously. _You mean you're doing this to up your own image, that of a caring teacher. And you bullied everyone else away so you could have the glory all to yourself_. "We did have other applicants who were willing to accept the job, Lucius. You just seem to have arrived weeks before anyone else was planning to."

"Well, that should answer the question for you, shouldn't it?" He mused, sipping his tea slowly. "It shows I'm very serious about my inquiry, and more than ready to take on such a responsibility. I should think, the evidence is mounting so much in my favor, that you should decide immediately."

My temper, already strained from having to talk to him civilly, was close to bursting free. "Surely you do not mean to press me into action before I am ready, Lucius?"

"Oh no, not at all!" He said,a falsely soothing tone in his voice. "I am no Dolores Umbridge... Whom, I am told, is being tried for her crimes soon." He shuddered. "I can't believe someone can have so much hate for half-bloods."

"Really?" I spat. "You can't?"

"Oh, my dear Minerva, my case is different!" he assured. "I may have a certain... respect for Pure Bloods that got a tad out of hand," he said, as though being a Death Eater for a good amount of his life was nothing more heinous than joining an after-school function to promote his cause. "but I never tried to get half-bloods off the map. In fact, one of my close friends was a werewolf."

_Oh yes, Fenrir Greyback was quite the model citizen. That's why he was trying to rip out the throats of children_. I wanted to say this, to throw his words back at him and let him know that, same side or no, I wanted to rip all of that pretty hair out of his head and laugh when everyone stopped fawning over him. I couldn't though. I had to be better than that. I had to show this... thing, that if he wanted to turn over a new leaf, he had to be serious about it.

"Very well Lucius. If you want the job, then you are hired immediately. I will have Severus part with some of his classes with you, though undoubtedly none will be 5th or 7th year students as he will want to give them their O.W.L.s and N.E.W.T.s himself. Please report to the Staff Room during Lunch today, and we will have a proper introduction for you."

"Ah. Good." He said, rising to his feet. "I'll just be in Hogsmeade for a time then. I'll see you this afternoon."

He left, closing the door behind him. I glared at the place he'd been for a moment, then summoned a house elf.

"Yes Headmistress?" the friendly creature asked me, unabashed by the look on my face.

"Bring me an owl for each teacher, small and discreet, so I can send each a letter wherever they are."

The little creature bowed. "Anything else Miss?"

"Yes." I replied. "Please sanitize the door knobs on both sides of the main door, and my guest chair."

_**Hermione**_

I sat in Potions, writing my essay. I was distracted. Part of it was from the morning and knowing that, somewhere in the castle, Lucius Malfoy could be walking the halls. I didn't want to bump into him. Part of it was the encounter from the morning, and my odd thoughts I'd had during them. The last, and biggest part, was every five seconds Jennifer Noble kept bugging me.

"Hey Hermione?"

"Yes, Jen?"

"How far are you now?"

"Roughly one line from the last time you asked me."

"Oh. Right." A few moments of silence. "So, you forgive me for what happened a few months ago, right?"

"I've already told you I did." I replied, keeping my tongue in my teeth and trying to write despite her questions. "Please stop asking me. You're going to get us both detention from Professor Snape."

"Right, sorry." A few more moments of silence. "Can you hurry? I want to talk to you about something."

I sighed loudly, then tried to pretend it was a yawn as Snape's eyes went directly to me, looking annoyed. Putting my head back down, I spoke out of the corner of my mouth. "Please just ask me as opposed to talking to me about talking to me."

"Oh, right." She laughed softly. "I heard Lucius Malfoy is in the castle."

I blanched. "Where did you hear that?"

"From my sister who heard it from her boyfriend who heard it from his roommate that the Slytherin Prefect saw him walking down the hall coming from the Headmistress's Office." She grinned. "Isn't it exciting?"

"What's so exciting about it?" I groaned.

"Well, he went all rogue at the end of the war and besides that, so many people think he's gorgeous."

I gagged.

"You don't think so?" she asked.

"No." I said sternly. Remembering something, I reached into my book bag.

"What is it?" she whispered.

"I'm looking something up. I just remembered something." She tried to ask me further, but I ignored her. Deep under my spare parchment and Herbology work lay what I was looking for, my Defense Against the Dark Arts textbook. I'd been carrying it with me for a while, trying to brush up on my worst subject, and needed to refresh something. Being discreet, I looked up the section on Occulmency until I found what I'd been looking for. The paragraph read:

_For those who practice years and have a stern discipline, a Perfect Occulmency may be achieved. That is not to say that it is impossible to penetrate that person's mind; a well-placed Shield Charm on a Legimency spell may be able to break for a brief moment if the charm is strong or the Occulmency user is momentarily weak. Aside from this, however, the subject themselves may be 'allowed' in, in which case thoughts may be exchanged. This is particularly used on the defense of large fortresses or events, most notably used during the Great Witch Hunt of 1738, when a large family of rowdy underage witches escaped into the forests outside Warwick._

I digested this information silently. I had done nothing to instigate such an exchange, which meant that he had to have opened the channel himself. My eyes wandered to where he sat at his desk, grading papers. The low light of the dungeon room cast a shadow about his face, but shined on his hair and seemed to illuminate his hands.

_Professor Snape?_

I could see his mouth, a small red line on a pale canvas. It didn't move. _Get back to work Miss Granger._ his voice said in my mind.

I sat up straighter. _You opened up your mind to me for a channel between us._

_Yes,_ he replied, _I did._

_Why?_ I asked.

His response was simple. _I trust you._

_But you've trusted other people!_ I insisted.

_Really?_ His voice came back sarcastic as he moved to get more ink on his quill. _I had no idea you knew me better than I knew myself._

_But surely... Dumbledore-_

_Dumbledore trusted me in the same way he trusted Harry,_ a slightly more annoyed Snape interrupted in my mind. _at a distance. Giving information only as it seemed fit. As much as I cared for the man, loved him as my friend... I couldn't fully put my trust into Dumbledore. Nor would he have wanted me to, I imagine, as he needed me to not know his thoughts... It could have made the final battle go very differently..._

I nodded at this truth. Snape had been key in the plan because he'd been able to follow orders at a distance, trust would have gotten in the way. I continued on my thought process. _So if our minds are open, does this mean you can go through my thoughts?_

_I could,_ he admitted, _but I won't. I technically could have ages ago. I'm quite skilled at Legimency, too, Miss Granger. I just chose not to comb through your mind without your permission, something I stand by even now._

_What if I gave you permission?_ I asked

He looked at me. _Would you really want that?_ His eyes burned into mine, and I felt myself looking away, blushing, and hoping no one else had noticed.

_No... I suppose not._ He went back to his papers. I waited until the effects of looking a severe Snape dead in the eyes wore off, then ventured again. _Professor?_

_You still need to get back to work, Miss Granger. Or were you just working on your customary extra foot-and-a-half?_

_I was just wondering... Is Malfoy still in the castle?_

I saw him hesitate slightly in his writing. _No, but he will be._ He hesitated again, then kept on writing in his usual pace. _He's been hired on to help me give the finals for Potions. There will be a meeting after this class where he is officially welcomed on staff._

My jaw dropped. _What?_

_It's a good idea._ he insisted as he kept on writing _I won't be letting him have any of the seventh and fifth years, but if he's apt at controlling some of the beginners, it will give me more time to help out Professor Flitwick._

_You... you can't be all right with this..._

He was silent. I slapped my forehead as I realized what I'd said. I also realized that I could probably expect him to be furious with me for questioning his true feelings. As the seconds passed, however, I realized I was wrong. Finally, he looked at me for a second, then back down at the parchment.

_I will talk to you about this later, after classes are over. And Miss Granger? Don't say I never give you priorities over other students._

I stuck my tongue out, something I was sure he didn't see. _Yes, Professor._

I'd managed to get in another two feet before the bell rang, which I handed in to a very serious looking Professor, and then walked off with a chattering Jennifer.

_**Severus**_

I watched Hermione go. After everyone had left and I had put away the various scrolls that had been handed in, I waved my wand once in a large circle. Instantly, chairs were tucked in, floors were swept, and the lights were dimmed. I walked quickly to the door, warded it, and briskly moved down the halls.

My robes billowed more than usual, sending students scurrying. I paused at the top of the stairs, catching a glimpse of long brown hair going around the corner, then turned to head towards the staff room.

I walked up to the door, preparing to lower the wards, when I noticed they were already down. Steeling myself, I walked in. I was not surprised; Lucius was already seated, his cane and wizard hat on the table in front of him. When I entered, he looked up. I saw a brief flash of amazement cross his face, before it changed into a mask of cordial greeting. If I wasn't a pro at picking up such things, I probably wouldn't have noticed. As it was...

"Severus! So... good to see you again. Alive." Lucius said as warmly as I expected, standing to greet me.

"Lucius. Enjoying being back at Hogwarts?"

He nodded, looking about the simple room. "It's very refreshing to be in this room again. The last time was when I was called here as Prefect, your Prefect actually, to discuss my life after school. Its been many years since that day..." he paced slowly towards me. "One wouldn't know it, looking at you."

I narrowed my eyes.

"No need to look so fierce, old friend. The whole world knows your story. A just reward, giving you time back, for the years you sacrificed to Dumbledore's cause." His jovial smile turned dark. "Of course... I know the parts they don't know..."

I stepped forward, keeping my voice low. "You know as well as I do, one does what one has to do to avoid death. That was my excuse, and a poor one. What was yours, Lucius? Your quest for power get the upper hand?"

"You miserable...!" He swallowed, keeping his voice low, though his eyes still burned. "My goal was for my family. Always, my family."

"Always..." I hissed. "'My public face is my true mask'... And all you had to do was give up some gold."

"You weren't there!" He spat at me. "You have no idea what it's like to lose your standing, to feel like you have to bend to his every will or everything will be lost!"

"Don't tell me I don't know what something's like!" I nearly bellowed, seeing fear for the first time in Lucius's eyes. "You and your petty manor are the only things that were ever in danger. You never had to worry about losing the one you love, or everyone dying if you messed up or dropped your guard at any moment in the _slightest_."

He backed off, and dropped down into a chair. I felt my chest heaving, my hair in tangles about my face, but I didn't care. I wouldn't have cared if Dumbledore himself had risen from the dead and walked into the room to try and get me to stop. When I spoke, it was low and deadly. "You were my friend, back in those days. If you want to continue being, I suggest you let what has happened lie."

A few moments later, the rest if the staff walked in. I managed to compose myself enough for the meeting, agreeing with what needed to be agreed with and voicing concerns where necessary. I said my part for Lucius being my assistant, then as quickly as I'd come, I left.

My last class of the day could not have gone slower. I was irritable, nervous, and in the mood to try alcohol. My class noticed my mood, and did nothing to annoy me. However, nothing seemed to be just the thing to set me off. It was a very relieved group of students that left when the bell rang, allowing me to sink into my chair, head in hands. I had lost my temper. Royally. And been horribly reminded of the things I'd done as a Death Eater.

Torture. Pain. Watching as families were torn apart... Laughing with them as fellow humans were treated like cattle and worse... And then that horrible night, playing spy... and watching the Dark Lord's face light up with pleasure as he contemplated the murder of the Potter family... Seeing my oldest, only true friend lying dead in the rubble that had been her son's room...

The door opened, and I looked up expecting Hermione. I recoiled as I realized I was wrong, watching Lucius walk in. I paid closer attention as I noticed his step and stance... He looked remorseful.

"Severus... Forgive me." His voice was quiet, but so was the room. It echoed off the walls, and I heard him clearly. "I... You, of all people, didn't deserve that. You were there with me... I..." He stepped into the room, looking awkward. "I over reacted... We have each made our mistakes. Perhaps, if you are redeemable..."

I stopped him there. "Lucius, don't. This is highly uncharacteristic of you. Besides... I had a fair amount of help."

"Please, tell me how, and... I will try. There is no place in this new world for someone like me. I have to grow, or else I will lose everything. Hanging onto hate will get me nowhere."

"Professor? I-" Hermione walked into the room, then stopped, staring white-faced at Lucius Malfoy. He turned, and while his face was blank, I noticed the knuckles holding his cane were as white as her face. She turned to run. I stood.

"Wait!" I called. She did, turning slowly to look at each of us. Lucius looked disgusted. I addressed him first.

"I am not asking you to accept it. Remember, you are Pure Blood. I am not. I keep what company I choose."

He didn't answer for a long time. He kept his eyes on me, refusing to look at Hermione, who was growing noticeably uncomfortable as the silence deepened. Finally, he said, "You always told me you hated her..."

She looked at me questioningly, with a sheen of pain in her eyes. I met them evenly, talking to Lucius but using my words for her. "People change." I watched her eyes grow wide, and smile at me. I felt myself smile back in spite of myself.

"I... see." Lucius said from the door. He looked at me. I could tell he guessed something, but I no longer cared. Lucius would not go to anyone with any knowledge, because he knew I know his secrets. He knew mine. We were even. "I will think this over and get back to you Monday."

I nodded. He turned, standing next to Hermione for a time before disappearing down the hall. She walked in.

"Hello, Miss Granger." I said.

She took a deep breath. "That was... terrifying."

"Indeed it was." I sat, finally. She did the same in the chair prepared for her. "I suppose I brought that on."

"How?" she asked.

I bent down, rummaging in my desk for a headache remedy. "I lost my temper."

She leaned over the side of the desk, watching me. "I want to ask when you ever had a handle on it."

"Very funny." I uncorked the bottle, tipping it down my throat. Instantly, I felt better. "He brought up things about the past I'd rather forget. I expressed this want rather insistently, which lead to a certain Mister Malfoy cowering in the corner."

Her eyes went wide. "Really?"

"No not really!" I barked. "He just... sat back down in his chair and cowered."

She rubbed her forehead, but didn't chastise me. Finally, she looked at me. "Professor, may I use your first name right now?"

I waved her to go ahead.

"Severus, I understand that your past haunts you... But everyone these days hasn't thought about your Death Eater past so much as they have your... unique teaching skills."

I looked away. "I think about my past."

"I know you do." She moved to be in front of my gaze. "Don't."

I opened my mouth to argue. She stopped me. "No, please... Don't. It's done. Like you said... People change."

I frowned, but there was nothing I could say.

"You know what? I think you need to relax." She stood up and walked behind me.

"What in Merlin's name are you doing Miss Granger?"

"I'm going to rub your shoulders."

My heart beat skyrocketed. "How is that going to relax me?"

"Have you ever had a massage before?" she asked.

Reluctantly, I answered. "No." I managed to add, "But that doesn't mean I need one now."

I heard her shake her head, and felt hands on my shoulders. "What are friend's for?"

Slowly, I melted, thinking how unfair this was. "Torture, apparently."

"Torture?" she scoffed. Then she kneaded harder. "Think if this as... My trying to show you that I'm still going to be around after I graduate."

My eyes, half closing, shot open. "Hermione, you can't do this. You're a student, I'm your teacher."

She stopped rubbing, but kept her hands on me. "I'm only a student for another week. Then I take my finals. Pretend it's next week, and relax."

"I can't pretend it's next week..." I breathed as she continued rubbing my shoulders.

"Why not?" she asked.

I shook my head, managing to not answer her, as slowly my head lolled. After a few minutes, she was done. "Better?" she asked.

"Merlin that was... unfair..." I rasped, collapsing onto the top of the desk.

She looked at me. "You did enjoy the favor though?"

I managed a nod. "Yes. I feel... very relaxed." I lied. I hated lying, but I had to. Honestly, I felt very riled up, in a way that would get me fired if I let it slip. "Thank you."

"At some point, after I've graduated, you will have to repay me the favor." She said brightly.

"Ah... yes." I replied, thanking every lesson I'd ever had on Occulmency that she couldn't read my mind.

"Well, I have to be getting to my rooms. There's still a few more books left to review before I'm ready for Finals on Monday. And, perhaps a few defensive spells in case Malfoy gets on the wrong side of me."

I nodded. "Very well. Good day, Miss Granger."

She smiled. "Good day, Professor." She walked out the door. I watched her go, sitting as still as I could, and making a note that the next potion I make be a remedy for whatever this was that was ailing me.


	30. The Real Problem

**_Severus_**

Friday's classes went well. Friday night went awfully. I was working until the sky was turning light, literally falling into bed after an all-nighter helping Professor Flitwick capture creatures for his third year's finals. I just managed to spell a note on my door and Floo that anyone bothering me for the next 12 hours would be subjects of experimentation for my next batch of poisons. With that standard set, I passed out still in my teacher's uniform.

A loud set of knocks on my door pulled me out of a blissful dream where it was vacation already and I was on a nice, snowy mountain peak somewhere far away from work. I pried open my eyes to see the sun still in the newly morning position. Furious, I grabbed my wand and put it to my throat.

"WHAT DO YOU WANT?" I bellowed, my usual smooth voice coming out in a rasp.

"T-t-t-t-there's s-s-someone to s-s-see you, S-s-sir." a tiny squeak of a house-elf said behind the door.

"TELL THEM TO COME BACK LATER!" I dropped the wand and fell back into bed.

A few moments pause, and then another, louder, knock. "SEVERUS SNAPE OPEN THIS DOOR IMMEDIATELY."

Lucius's magnified voice caused me to sit up. How dare he tell me what to do? I crawled out of bed with as much dignity as I could muster, and then swung open the door.

"How dare you tell me what to do?" I screamed.

He tossed something at me and then walked in, cane first. I nodded to the house-elf, who looked relieved I wasn't going to stew him on the spot, and then closed it, examining the bottle.

"A Pepper Up Potion? You brought ME someone else's work?"

"Relax." His icy words floated to me from down by my fire, where he was magically stoking it. "I had Madame Pomfrey make it, so it's technically yours." He sighed loudly, and then bent down. "I can't believe how out of date your furnishings are. Are all the teachers' rooms like this?"

"I'm sure you'll be able to think of something to suit your standards," I growled. "What are you doing here?"

"Besides trying to warm this tomb you call a bedroom, I came to talk." He stepped away from the now-roaring fire and turned steel eyes on me. "About yesterday."

I wasn't swayed. "If you mean about your suddenly heart-felt apology for past offenses, I don't know how to help you."

"No you-" he started to raise his voice, then took a deep breath. "No. I do not mean that. I mean about your sudden infatuation."

I groaned, rubbing my head. "I am not prepared to discuss that."

"Which is why I brought what I did. Drink up."

I placed my hands at my sides. "Why do you even care?"

"I care because you're the only person I know who isn't dead, in jail, friends with me for power or a member of my family and you're making puppy-dog eyes at _Hermione Granger_. Drink up."

I drank. I would have liked to break the bottle, to throw it at his stupid face, but I didn't. When I was finished, I looked at him.

"You remember all the papers? Talking about how I'd lived, and been pardoned for all my crimes? A few small notes to the treatment used? They grossly understated it." I moved to my desk and sat down, keeping my eyes on him. "After you more or less handed me over to my death, the only thing keeping me alive was a magical promise, and almost literally, my _job_. If I hadn't been Headmaster of Hogwarts at the time, I would have perished _long_ before Hermione noticed I was alive."

Lucius's suspicious eyes widened slightly. "Granger noticed?"

I nodded. "After at least 2 other people had picked me up and tossed me around. And she stayed with me. True, McGonagall ordered her to, but she did. She didn't even leave to go find her parents. She stayed with me up until we finally got to Hogwarts, after I'd seen my reflection for the first time."

He scoffed at that. "Fifteen years taken off."

I motioned to my visage. "You think this is a gift? I thought it was a curse. A slap in the face for all the years I'd sacrificed. The battle scars I'd earned. It hadn't been pretty, but what was? I'd done my best to make something of myself... At least, that's what I thought." I slapped my hand down on the table. "Lies, all of it. Or, nearly all of it. I had no idea how to live. I'd been running for almost twenty years."

"You seemed perfectly fine at our meetings." He said stiffly.

I shrugged. "Of course i did. Why wouldn't I?"

He turned back towards the fire. I couldn't see his face, or even his body; all was hidden beneath his long black cape. The fire popped. "It wasn't as though you couldn't have come to me. I know we weren't... I understand I'm not the warmest of people, but for all it was worth, we were friends."

"Yes. Because you reacted so pleasantly to knowing my uncontrollable emotions about a female."

He turned back to me, his eyes flaring. "Why _that_ female, Severus? Two women, just two, you've ever been interested in, and both of them have been _Mudbloods._"

"So that's what it's about." I said, wondrously. "You are worried about me. About my bloodline."

He looked uncomfortable, his eyes flitting back and forth. "It's not... just that..." He lifted and flitted his wand, causing one of my armchairs to move across the room to be opposite me at the desk. He took his seat, his voice low. "Severus, she was _there._ At my manor. Bella _tortured_ her. I watched. Draco watched. My wife watched. It's... embarrassing, on my levels, for you to be interested in such a creature."

I sat, staring at him. When i spoke, it was incredulous. "Embarrassing? You're trying to tell me that the biggest problem you have with me being in love... Isn't that she's a student, isn't her blood status which by the way wouldn't have been a problem anyway, but it's the fact she had an Unforgivable Curse bestowed on her at your house... Because it's _embarrassing_?"

"Well-"

"Don't you think it's a tad 'embarrassing' for her that you're even in the castle right now?"

"Why should I care about that?"

I rose, looking disgusted. "I think it's time you left."

He looked at me angrily, but as the moments passed, he didn't say anything. Finally he stood. Silently, we walked to the door, where I held it open for him. I stopped him with a hand as he prepared to walk through it.

"One last thing, Lucius." I began, looking him in his eyes. "You wanted to know what made me change. I was forced to think about someone other than myself. It opened my eyes to how little I'd been thinking about everything. I suggest you learn to do the same."

He glared at me, raising himself up to his full height. I wasn't intimidated. He walked out of my rooms, and I slammed the door.


	31. Standing By

_**Lucius**_

I was lounging in my drawing room. Yes, I'm perfectly aware I'm thinking this narration, but I refuse to use 'sit'. I do not 'sit'. I 'lounge', and it's perfectly acceptable to me. The fingers on my hands were curled, one into a rest for my chin as I leaned on the cushioned armchair, and the other around the handle of my beautifully restored cane. Slowly, the cane twirled on the floor, the point at the end making a soft scratching on the stone. The fire in the hearth cracked, pouring new warmth across my skin. I ignored it.

A servant with glazed eyes slunk across the room to tend to the fire. She looked exhausted. "Girl." She faced me, keeping a bent frame. "Bring my dinner here tonight." She kept standing. I raised my head slightly. "Now."

She hurried off, and I leaned back over, spinning the silver handle of my wand and cane. Suddenly enraged, I stood, kicking the near-by table. A delicate glass sculpture fell from it and shattered. I stood over it, breathing heavily, before drawing myself up and putting it back together. Slowly, I bent, and picked it up from the floor. A small glass dancer. My wife enjoyed them, a long-lost joy from her childhood where she saw shows where such dances happened. I ran a finger over the features of the glass woman's face absently, breathing deep with a closed mouth. I put it down.

_She had been here..._ I looked at the carpet. _She had lain here, and been tortured. Then the chandelier had fallen._ I looked up. It had long been repaired, and put back. _It had all been here... But then, so had the meetings... and the murder..._

I slowly let my eyes fall around the long room, dark but warm. Soft waves of heat fell about, sliding on invisible ghosts left over from the memories in my mind. The beauty of silver and crystal seemed dark, laughing, but never at me. At those I hated, those I loathed, those I was better than.

Until yesterday, that had meant Hermione Granger. The simple truth of Death Eaters, Pure Bloods, wizarding blood over mudblood, was not to be questioned. Then Severus had thrown me out.

I stopped here, fuming silently. Dark shadows of my other servants brought in tables and serving plates, lifting to show steaming food and roasts and bowls of fruit and breads. They bowed when they were done, then slipped soundlessly out.

I watched them go, amazed that anyone could have the awful timing of interrupting my thoughts. Surely they knew that on nights when the family was out I didn't wish to be disturbed. Eying the door, I picked up an apple, taking a small bite.

Where was I...? I strolled lazily around the perimeter, looking at the carpet. Ah yes. Yesterday. I bit the skin of the apple hard. How could he have thrown me, _me_, out? I didn't call her cattle. She is, but I didn't say it. I should be commended for that. He... _he_ wants to...

I felt myself getting sick, and put a hand to my throat. I looked furiously at my apple, then threw it to the floor. Teaching... Potions... I needed this job. The whole of the wizarding world had questions about me. Some of the younger set who didn't care about anything but my still good looks were willing to overlook my 'checkered past' and fawn over me, but I knew better than to bank my future investments on fickle beauty. This job would be the key to putting my reputation back in order. If I was superb, and I'm always superb, then I could perhaps rise to be new Head of Slytherin house. The crafting of young minds was something I would easily take to, mud blood or normal. I can handle that, and even do it without prejudice. The matter with Severus, however.

Of course, this could all be easily solved by informing the proper authorities. One whisper to the right person, and Severus would be fired, leaving me to take control of the class early. It wouldn't even need alerting the staff; a word to the girl herself wold be enough to end this unsavory match. But trusting, useful contacts were in short supply, and I could hardly stand to be in the same room as the little wanton, let alone have a conversation with her. Assuming she even believed me...

There was little choice in the matter. It seemed as though I could do nothing. Stand by something I hated.

Ironically, I chose this moment to sit at my table. The sweet smell of buttered skin and herbs wafting to my nose brought a smile to my face, and another, sweeter thought. _Mayhap, in all this standing by, if I see a weakness I can pounce on... I will_.

I looked at the roasted meat in front of me, and quickly, symbolically, stabbed it.


	32. Trust Me

_**Severus**_

I didn't move. My lip only just barely twitched. I felt like I hadn't felt in months, which is to say, revolted at the human race. I simply sat, staring at the woman who had just uttered the awful sentence.

"You want me to be a part of this... chicanery?"

"I do." McGonagall nodded solemnly from her chair. "I would like you to attend the End of Year Ball this year for the graduates." I kept staring. She clicked her teeth. "Severus, you've been so keen on trying to be more personable these past few weeks. Why the change of mind now?"

I swallowed, trying to keep this feeling down long enough to respond. "You hadn't asked me to dance before." I cleared my throat, and tried again. "Why this year? Why am I not permitted to stay in my rooms and ignore the event, as I've always done?"

"Because next year you will be Headmaster and have to attend, and this year you need the training. And the shopping." she added, narrowing her eyes at my clothes.

I stiffened. "My wardrobe is fine."

She tutted, the only person I'd ever known to tut and it be intimidating. "Do you even know if your dress robes fit you anymore?"

"What are you talking about? Of course they-" I stopped, remembering the outing to Hogsmeade, and how the clothes that hadn't fit me in over a decade were loose. I sighed. She nodded.

"Very well. I'll buy some new dress robes my next hour to myself."

"That will be acceptable." She pulled out a long piece of parchment, eying it sternly. "You are expected to dance, as well as supervise. There will be a number of guests there, ambassadors from possible employment agencies for our student graduates. If anything gets out of hand, or a certain representative isn't taking 'no' for an answer, you are required to step in."

I raised an eyebrow. "Is it really all that dangerous?"

She lowered the paper. "No. There has never been an incident like that at Hogwarts. Nor do I truly foresee such events. However, there's no such thing as too many precautions."

I didn't dare argue with this logic. She continued, keeping me there for fifteen more minutes, triple and quadruple checking security measures before I was permitted to leave. This I did, hurriedly, closing the door behind me with a firm movement.

I leaned my head against the door, taking deep breaths. When I was sure I wasn't going to be called back inside, I walked to the tall windows. The sky looked clear, and I still had plenty of morning left. Idly I reached into my pockets, feeling the coins. Plenty of spare money on me. Now seemed a good a time as any...

I hurried down the hall.

_**Hermione**_

I was sitting in a spare classroom, feeling defeated. Tomorrow, TOMORROW, was the N.E.W.T. for Defense Against the Dark Arts, and it seemed like everything I had learned had been Vanished from my mind. Slowly, I raised my head to look at the chest, trying to ignore the wet streaks on my face. Spells, words, books memorized, all for nothing... because I couldn't beat a boggart.

_One more time... I've got to do this..._ I raised my wand, hand trembling, and walked to the chest. I looked at it squarely, drew myself up, and opened it.

A darkness rose from the box, starless and growing. It rushed at me, clouding my vision. In it's place, memories flashed: Dumbledore laying broken on the ground in front of the Astronomy Tower... Watching hidden as my parents left the house, laughing about having fun when they got back home... Ron walking off in the forest and then in Hogsmeade, glaring at me both times... Snape sitting in the Headmaster's chair, hands clasped, telling me he didn't want to see me anymore... And over it all a voice in my mind blaming me for it all...

I fell backwards, sobbing, and slamming a fist into the floor. How could it have gotten this bad? My fear of failure had been bad, sure, but I thought it could only get as frightening as McGonagall telling me I'd failed in everything. I'd studied hard, assured myself I could do it, and practiced spells to turn the boggart's voice into a helium squeak. Then I'd celebrated. I was sure I had it. I hadn't faced one recently, but I didn't think it had changed. It was really all precautionary, anyway... Until I learned I'd be facing one again for my N.E.W.T., and wanted a practice... Then it had become a disaster...

I shook my head, wiping my tears with the back of my sleeve. I had to do something, had to try again, had to stand and raise my wand and be ready to face this. But the voice in my head that was saying it was weak, and now my whole body was shaking. The tears I was trying to ignore were increasing. Slowly, eventually, I broke down to sobs.

"Hermione?"

I looked up and turned a stricken face to the door. Snape stood silhouetted in the entrance a white hand on the frame. He stepped into the room, and the shadow left his face to show a look of concern.

"Professor, I..." I tried to stammer out something, an excuse, a reply, anything, but I failed. He looked at me, then his eyes slowly took in his surroundings, as though he was just realizing where he was. After a long moment looking at the chest, and my wand laying beside me, his eyes locked back on me. I expected him to say something, a word of encouragement perhaps? More likely a stern warning about practicing in an unattended room with an unsecured dark creature. But the seconds passed, and his lips didn't move. My mind went frantic. _Please say something..._

"Would you like to go out with me, Miss Granger?" his crisp voice took on a business tone, as though he had simply seen me studying in the common room and had an errand he needed me to attend. "I was on my way to Hogsmeade on school business, and I wondered if you could use a outing yourself."

I nearly fell over. "Um... Sure, I guess. Let me change."

"No need for that, Granger. Come with me." He held out a hand, and I pulled myself up. Nodding curtly, he took off out of the room. I had to rush to keep up with him.

The oddness of the situation instantly dried my face. The few students that were in the hall parted ways for us, looking scared. I felt for them, but if I wanted to keep up with the swift figure in front of me I couldn't stop to reassure anyone. _Don't worry_, I tried to think at those I passed. _I'm not in trouble! At least... I think I'm not..._

As we left the castle, he slowed down, likely due to the downward slope. Wordlessly he raised his wand and flung the tip at the sky. A burst of light issued forth, and somewhere, something called. My curiosity won out my nervousness, and I asked, "What was that?"

"I have summoned a pair of thestrals to us, and alerted them that we wish to take a carriage into Hogsmeade immediately."

"Ah, so you've hailed us a cab?"

He turned sharply, looking, if I didn't know better, confused. "What?"

"It's a... never mind."

He looked at me for another second, before rolling his eyes, along with his head, and resuming pace. I jogged next to him. "Professor, where are we going?"

He raised a hand to me, and rushed up next to the dirt path. The carriage seemed to materialize in front of us, Hogwarts symbol shining in the sun. He opened the door for me, then climbed in after, tapping his wand on the wood. When we had started moving, he turned his eyes to me.

"I have been informed that I am attending the Graduation Ball. I am going to Hogsmeade to purchase new dress robes. I felt you too could use an outing, and perhaps purchase new robes of your own."

He wasn't wrong, but I didn't believe him. Not about the ball, I believed him about that, but I seriously doubted he'd brought me along because he had a feeling I didn't shop a lot. But I knew better than to bring that up. Instead, I asked the light question that had popped into mind. "You have dress robes though, don't you? Why not just wear those?"

He stiffened, looking out the window. "I was told my clothing choice is... inadequate." Instantly his eyes turned severe, and I knew he was remembering my very pointed outburst involving his clothes not long ago.

_Do not laugh. Laughter is the student killer. I want to see tomorrow._ "That's... too bad."

He looked away again. "Indeed."

I sat in silence the rest of the trip. When we got to Hogsmeade, I inhaled deeply, momentarily lost in the smell of food that filled the air. It was nearly summer, and the mixture of roasting meats and baking breads were intoxicating. A faint smell of flowers and grass mixed to create a cornucopia of scents that were utterly delectable. My mouth watered.

"Rein yourself in, Miss Granger. It's hours yet to lunch."

I opened my eyes to see Snape looking bemused. I scowled, then smiled. "Were you attempting a joke?"

He shrugged his shoulders, brushing hair behind an ear. "We've got to get moving. There's still work to do for Tuesday come tomorrow. And I have a Final to head this afternoon."

I nodded, remembering the time, and started off. "We're going to Gladrags then?"

"Yes." he affirmed.

"I used to go into that place to buy horrendous socks."

"Really?" He replied without looking. "It also sells rather elegant dress robes, if one looks for them."

We walked up to the light pink building together. He was right, in the window was a dress the same shade as the brick, covered with ribbons. _Not my style..._ I thought, _but it IS here..._

The bell chimed, and a funny little witch bobbled over to us, speaking a bunch of how-do-you-dos and right-this-ways, before Snape brushed her off unceremoniously and said, "We'll just look around." She took it well, disappearing behind a row of taffeta in a flurry of lace and polka dot. I watched Snape rub his temples, and then started down the isles.

After what felt like a football field of walking, I ended up in the dress robes section. Most of it was lace and silk and frilly ends, and very, VERY pastel. _I've worn something floaty before..._ I thought. _I need something... different..._

My eyes roamed the long lines of dresses hanging. A smile briefly touched my lips as, from far away, Snape yelled something at someone about a pin in the wrong place. I began to think the whole thing was futile. _This IS all of a sudden... And I'm not even sure I have a lot of money in my bag today... Maybe I should just wire my mum and see what she can make and send up here..._

Suddenly my eye caught something on a rack, half hidden between two dresses of a very neon purple covered in giggling sequins. My fingers hit a soft, almost sighing fabric, and pulled. The skirt I held was covered in stars set on a dark velvet. The end of the dress, where the color was at it darkest and richest, waved and fanned. As the skirt met the waist it clenched, turning into a bodice with a higher neck that sliced wide into the shoulders. The sleeves stared at the top of the shoulder, then halfway down the arm turned translucent to be barely there by the time they hit the wrists. What struck me most was the 'sky' itself; at the bottom and up to the waist, rich midnight blue was a backdrop to twinkling stars. Then, at the waist, the color started to lighten, and the stars faded slowly as they got closer to the 'light' of a fist sized crescent moon near the left shoulder.

Almost reverently, I lifted the dress from the rack and draped it across my arms. It felt light, so much lighter than I thought all the fabric would be. Carefully I brought it to the front desk, where the bubbly witch stood ready.

"Yes miss?" she asked kindly.

"I... I would like to purchase this."

"Wouldn't you like to try it on first, miss?"

I shook my head, my hair getting everywhere. "No I... I have a good feeling about this."

She looked at me funny, then her eyes changed. She reached across the desk and clasped my hand. "You know, I think you're right." She pulled her hand back and reached for a book behind her on the wall, and opened it. I saw a bunch of scribbled writing and numbers. "Looks like this particular gown is... one galleon."

I stared. "But... that can't be right!" I didn't mean to be so loud. But the dress was so gorgeous, surely it was worth more. She looked at me evenly.

"No miss. One galleon please." I stared a moment longer at her kind smile, then reached into my bag and handed her the money. She took it, closing her hand around it and smiling at me. "Thank you. Enjoy your new dress, miss."

She was handing me the bagged gown when Snape appeared around the corner, looking very perturbed and carrying a parcel of his own. "Finally." he mumbled. "Never had such a horrible experience..."

"If you don't like being stuck, sir," the bubbly wish began, "then perhaps sir shouldn't squirm so much while being fitted."

Snape's cheeks turned red, and once again I had to fight very hard not to laugh. He nodded and I said my thanks, then we hurried out the door.

The sun that greeted us was mid-day, and I was instantly worried. It hadn't seemed like long in the shop at all, had we instead over-stayed? Snape pulled out a small watch and looked at it, nodding to me. "We've still got time. But no waiting, we have to get back to the carriage now."

Quickly we headed to where it was parked, and got in. Snape touched his wand to the wall again, and the threstrals, feeling the command, turned around and head back the way we'd come.

At first, we were silent. Then Snape shifted loudly. "Did you find a dress?"

I nodded. "What about you?"

He looked away. "I will refrain from answering."

I scoffed, smiling. "Then so shall I."

He didn't say anything. I wondered if I had made him speechless. When he did speak, I nearly cried. "You are having problems with the boggart again, aren't you?"

I heard myself sniff and felt my resolve crumble. He reached out a hand and I took it, holding tight. He sighed. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"I didn't know!" I cried, breaking suddenly. "I thought, since I had practiced on dealing with the boggart as it was before, I could do it easily! Then I actually tried and..." My head sunk, and the man sitting across from me was hidden by my curtain of hair and the memories in my mind. I felt new tears falling down my face, and then a soft hand cupping my chin and pulling my head up. I raised my eyes to meet a very worried teacher looking at me.

"Do you need to go to the nurse?"

I pulled back. "No." My shoulders dropped and I looked out the window. "I just... I don't know..."

He put on what I knew was his thinking face, then blinked. "Try talking to me about it."

He looked serious. He smiled, and suddenly stopped being Professor Snape and started being Severus again. It almost made me cry anew, because of how much it meant just then. Instead, I began talking. "I don't fear anything or anyone in particular... I just feel like I'm going to fail. Like everything I've worked so hard for is meaningless... I'm meaningless... I've been so powerless to stop anything, from losing my parents to Ron walking away twice... And then feeling for a night like I'd lost you too..."

He was quiet for a minute. I think he was waiting to make sure I was done talking. After another ten seconds had passed, he spoke. "You were able to get your parents back. Ron and Harry are still your friends. I'm still your friend."

"I still feel awful, though." I replied. "I'm still hanging onto all these things... I'm still afraid if I give myself any slack, everything will just fall again..."

"I understand how you feel." His voice held so much gravity as he said that I looked up. He kept going. "Believe me. And it's with everything I have ever held dear or learned in my life when I say, you can't hold onto things like that."

"But how do I do it? How do I let go?"

"You have to put your trust in something. Hold onto something that isn't going to let you down."

I shook my head, soft sobs coming unbidden. "Like what?"

He looked at the floor of the carriage for a moment. I barely heard what he said, but barely still counts. "Hold onto me."

I blushed. "I don't know if I can, though..."

"Why not?" he asked, raising his head.

"For one thing, you're my teacher."

"I'm aware of that, painfully aware... But I'm willing to get over that soon evaporating fact to be there for you."

"For another, you already told me once you wanted to stop seeing me."

"Are you still throwing that in my face? I already apologized for that."

"I'm not throwing it in your face!" I said, flinging my arms down. "I'm just... it's still a fact."

"A fact I'm still sorry for." He balled his hands, and then wrapped his fingers around the edge of the seat. "I thought I was protecting you. I think about that. Protecting you."

"You were being overly so."

"It doesn't make it a bad quality to have, especially in someone who you're going to trust not to let you down."

I folded my arms, looking him squarely. "How can I do this? How do I know you're not going to go away again? That you'll always be there?"

He was quiet. I wondered if he was trying to figure out how to say something, or if he was fighting not to say something. When he lifted his head, his look was... powerful. "I will be."

The carriage stopped. Neither of us moved. I felt my defenses dropping, like against someone so sure of themselves and their motives like that, there was nothing more I could say or argue... This was it.

"Okay."


	33. Work

_**Lucius**_

I strolled easily down the stone steps, alone for the most part on the higher levels. Every student was currently immersed in their finals, whether currently in one or briefly reviewing for the next. It reminded me of my own, so long ago, a bright handsome young lad with a skip in his step. My reflection in the windows caught my eye and I stopped to look at it, smirking to myself. _And I'm still much the same, I think. Yes, improved with age like a fine wine._

I kept walking. The whole place seemed so quiet, like I had the whole castle to myself. Every once in a while, a student would rush by, indistinguishable from each other in long black robes and tall black hats. _When I am Head of Slytherin, _I thought,_ I will make sure that my house has something to tell themselves apart from the rabble. _I watched a girl smile a bit too wide at me, frowning as I realized that kind of change would probably belong only to a Headmaster. _Ah well. No particular problem with that. I _have_ been a school governor for quite some time, and Head of House is only a small jump away from Head of Hogwarts..._

A loud banging from a near-by classroom caused my curiosity to peak. I stepped up to the door and looked in. The female Weasley was bumbling around, carrying a large stack of what appeared to be iron. I noted the problems with this. First, the height of the metal tower prevented her from seeing around it, causing her to bump into everything in the room. Second, she was doing it manually instead of spelling it done. Third, she was doing it herself.

It _was_ rather funny though.

I kept watching for a couple more minuted before becoming bored with it and starting to walk away. Then a thought hit me; if I walked away, and she fell on something, it would probably break. While being easy to repair, as a new teacher of Hogwarts (and future Headmaster) I couldn't allow undue damage to school property. I turned back and pulled my wand from it's cane. Taking a moment to aim (and make sure I was certain of my decision) I magically steadied the weight.

"Oh! Thank you!" The woman's voice, high and breathy, sounded grateful. I didn't answer, plastering a warm smile on my face instead. The face that peered around the metal to greet her savior turned very quickly from relief to revulsion. I kept my smile.

"You're quite welcome Professor Weasley! I would hate to see you fall, you know."

"Of course you would Mister Malfoy."

"Ah ah! _Professor_ Malfoy now." I felt my smile widen as I drank in her inner struggle not to argue with me. Her face struggled then broke out a sparkling smile of her own.

"Of course! How silly of me! _Professor_ Malfoy, how very kind of you to come to my aid. Now, please be off." She turned quickly, and dropped the whole lot onto the floor with a clamor.

"Nonsense!" I snapped my wand back into my cane, an idea suddenly forming in my mind. "I'd hoped we could talk a while."

She didn't even look up. "Impossible." She grabbed some papers. "I have a final to lead in less than half an hour."

"Ah, well understandable. I suppose there's someone else I can voice my concerns about Miss Granger to."

I saw her body shift. A slight ripple under her skin that meant I'd struck a nerve. I waited for her response before doing anything. I didn't wait long. "What about Miss Granger?"

I put a hand to my forehead, a look of paternal concern on my face. "The poor girl! I ran into her the other day in Professor Snape's office and I fear the discourse between us was a bit on the _sharp_ end of words. I am worried she is now unduly upset with me."

She turned to me, a hand on her hip and an incredulous look on her face. "And you... care about this?"

I quickly changed my face from concern to shock. "My dear lady! Of course I do! As an interest of my good friend Professor Snape she is an interest of mine!" Her eyes widened. I put a hand to my face and closed my own eyes in embarrassment. "Oh dear, I've gone and said it haven't I?"

"How do you know that?" she asked. I put my hands at my sides.

"I see things, Professor. And I try hard to notice if something seems off to me. And, doesn't it seem rather off to you? The relationship they seem to have?"

She looked at the ceiling, her eyes blank. I waited patiently, watching gears in her head turn. _Rather slow, this one._

"Yes." she answered, causing me to blink as I was pulled out of my thoughts. "I have noticed something between them."

"I'm afraid of it. What if he hurt her? Or people started thinking that he was this way with all his female students?"

"You know, Professor Malfoy, I think you may be right." She folded her arms, tapping her fingers on the top crossed arm. "What do you suggest we do about it?"

"We? Dear me no! I couldn't betray the trust of my friend to anyone! Besides I don't think I have many friends here..." I let a bit of blush creep into my cheeks and lowered my eyes ever so slightly, before meeting hers again. "Perhaps i could inquire if you have any ideas?"

She thought for a moment, and I was reminded of an overly-large beaver trying to figure out what to do about petrified wood. "Her parents are coming here in a couple days for the ball. I know them. Maybe I could bring it up to them?"

"That sounds like an excellent idea!" I marveled, my joy genuine. "Oh, but I'd better keep out of the way for it."

She nodded. "Yes, you don't want to betray yourself. I'll just say I noticed on my own and wanted to bring it up. Plus, it might sound less credible should you mention it yourself, what with your ruined reputation..."

_Just had to get a jab in there somewhere, didn't she? _"Too true Professor. Now, I'll just leave you to your... Work." I motioned to the pile on the floor.

"Take care Professor Malfoy." I nodded and turned, my cloak blowing out behind me in a practiced motion, and swept from the room.

_Ahhhhh..._ I thought to myself as she closed the door smiling behind me. _It feels so good to see things working out._


	34. Secret's Out

_**Severus**_

I stood in the Great Hall, my arms folded across my chest in silent contemplation. I'd been standing there since dawn, eating something quick and unremarkable and then going to my post in the center of the room. Chairs and tables had filled, emptied, and then pushed back around me without anyone bumping my frame. No one, human or house-elf, dared to bother me. They knew better. Thankfully.

Now, however, the hour was approaching. Dimly my senses picked up movement as my mind reached out to take account of the activity in the castle. Students in various states of nervous tension. House elves beneath me, cleaning and preparing for the dinner tonight. Faculty busying themselves in the areas their finals would be. Lucius, skulking about somewhere in the upper levels, unbidden but welcome nonetheless. And, somewhere close, a shimmer of aware thought that greeted my thoughts reflexively. Outward, my face stayed the same but inside, I smiled.

A bell chime brought me from my mind and I opened my eyes. The world took focus as I remembered myself. Severus Snape. Previous student of Hogwarts School. Ex Death Eater. Pronounced deceased for half a day. Potions Master about to lead a N.E.W.T. for Gryffindor and Ravenclaw.

My life is weird.

"Attention." I spoke in a low drawl as conversation stopped. "The final bell has chimed, and your N.E.W.T. is about to begin. I would say I hope everyone studied, but such desire is moot at this point, as your test will be far more practical than that."

A low murmur of voices twittered across the crowd. I ignored them for the most part, then my eyes noticed the pale faces of Sharron Ashdown and Jessica Noble. I smiled wide. _Oh yes..._ "Prior to today we had two students volunteer to preform their N.E.W.T. before everyone, so sure of themselves were they in their success. Would Miss Ashdown and Miss Noble please step forward?"

Heads turned as both girls walked toward me. Jessica looked very worried, while Sharron looked ready to kill. I greeted both coolly, waving my wand to produce two chairs. "Please, have a seat."

After they had I flicked my hand. Two small vials appeared in each, marked and labeled in curly, flowing handwriting of the note passer. Perhaps one was more pointed than the other, or a tad round when it came to "d's", but I didn't care. I did show the vials to the girls. "Do these belong to you?" They nodded. I raised my voice. "The contents of these vials contain Veritaserum and Amortentia brewed by Misses Noble and Ashdown. Each in turn will swallow the contents and answer questions pertaining to the potions consumed. Assuming all has gone well, they will let us know how the Amortentia has affected them. If all has not gone well..." I paused for a moment, lifting my eyes to the ceiling and looking regretful. I swore I could hear the students gulping. Finally I blinked and handed the vials to the owners. "Miss Ashdown, if you would do the honors."

Her hands shaking, she uncorked the bottle. Full teacher persona took hold, and I noted the color (or lack thereof) of the potion. She sipped, and my eyes paid careful attention to her skin, making sure she wasn't sweating too much, or looked nauseous. Moments passed, and all seemed well.

"Are you alright, Miss Ashdown?"

She nodded.

"Do you know my name?"

"Yes. Professor Severus Snape."

"Please inhale the other potion."

She opened it. Swirling smoke issued forth, and I relaxed slightly; a mishap in this brew would have been instantly evident. She breathed deep, and a sheen came over her eyes.

"Tell me what you experience, Miss Ashdown."

"I smell fire burning low, cherry incense, and boy sweat."

A chorus of shocked gasps intermixed with laughter drowned out the choked squeal Sharron Ashdown had made moments after speaking. I ignored all remarks, and instead turned to the other. "Now then, Jessica Noble, if you would..."

Noble's face was so pale I wondered if she would faint, but she managed to take the clear sifter from my hand and drain the liquid with steady hands. Her cheeks filled with color afterwards, and she raised her head. I handed her the other vial, eyes fixed steady. The contents gave no hint of mistake, and I let my breath go. She removed the stopper.

"What are the effects, Miss Noble?"

She closed her eyes,seemingly lost in the senses. "I smell the ocean... Candle flame... Vanilla fabric softener... And my sister's boyfriend's hair..."

Here it was. I couldn't help but smile as the room erupted and Noble's cheeks turned fiery red. Ancient though my methods, obviously lessons were learned. I didn't stop either girl from departing from the front of the room and out the door, chased by the comments of their classmates. _Long time coming though it was..._ I thought. _Perhaps they will think better of trying to play revenge on others next time..._

"Enough delay." I called over the masses. "Please line up single file... One at a time into the small room there... I'll have your potions ready..."

_**Hermione**_

I had watched the small show, and the secrets spilled, with a flurry of emotions. Somehow, everything clicked. Jessica had never told me what Snape had decided as punishment, nor named her cohort on the prank. Now I understood both. Waiting in the Great Hall for my turn, I came to a decision about my feelings: lesson learned. Jessica I felt slightly sorry for, but the moment of embarrassment would soon pass. The lesson, hopefully, would stay, and she would next time not try to sneak into someone's rooms on trumped up charges. And... maybe I could buy her some chocolate frogs...

"Hermione Granger." Snape's drawl issued from behind the wooden door. I got up from the bench I was sitting on and walked into the room.

It was small, very small, with a stool sat in the center and Snape behind a desk a few feet away from it. He was writing something down, likely the results of the last student, but looked up when I entered.

"Ah, Miss Granger." He smiled, and I saw a shadow of Severus in it. "Please, have a seat." he motioned with his hand, and before he finished the motion, two vials had appeared in it. He floated them to me, letting them hover in front of my eyes. "Are these yours?"

"Yes, Professor." I took them from the air.

"The Veritaserum first, then."

I opened the small draught and swallowed. An interesting feeling took hold of me, and I became highly alert, somehow more calm, and ready.

"Is it affecting you?"

"Yes sir." I answered with perfect clarity. I felt as though I could answer any question, solve any riddle, so long as it was asked. I could realize anything, even if I never had before. My mind raced, ready to tell the absolute truth.

"Please open the Amortentia."

Yes. The Amortentia. Strongest "Love Potion" in the world. Doesn't create actual love, just powerful infatuation. Smells like the things that one is most attracted to, the deepest desire of one's heart... "I smell freshly mown grass." I began, the truth spilling out as it came to my mind. "New parchment." The soft, earthly scent then changed, to the herb mixture I had smelled before, so many times before... "And your scent."

My heart stopped beating. I swear, for a few moments, my heart stopped beating. Then it pounded, faster than it ever had before, as everything clicked in my head. The new smell that I couldn't name... The scent I couldn't place from when Severus was carrying me back from Hogsmeade... The places my thoughts drifted to when I hugged him or sat near him... The dreams...

Severus Snape stood at his desk, his eyes wide and shining, shadowed behind a curtain of raven hair. "Do you... love me?"

I couldn't stop the truth. Not to him, not to myself. "Yes." I then rose quickly, gave him one last look, and ran from the room.


	35. Give Me Time

_**Severus**_

I sat stunned.

My heart was burning in a way it never had before... I felt lighter than air... The whole world was full of flowers and sunshine...

_Snap out of it man she just ran off!_

Oh, right, Hermione's gone. I slapped my forehead, trying to reply events. Lots of people being tested. Answers ranging from strange to far too much information. A few cases of people almost poisoning themselves. Then she walked in... Then every ounce of cunning and tact I had flew out the window...

Reflecting, I had no idea how I had expected that to play out. I had, at best, hoped for some hint of how best to win her... A sure fire thing. Then, perhaps an off-handed question of if she'd mind of we saw more of each other after school ended. Perhaps if things went exceptionally well, wondering if she'd want to go out. Explore finding our romantic sides together. Then she said the Amortentia smelled like me and my mind took a vacation.

I could already hear Mrs. Weasley and Harry yelling at me.

All right. Damage done. Let's access the situation. First instinct would be to run after her and figure this out. My reality kicks in, and I already know it's a bad idea. She's already sprinted out of the test room, likely white as a sheet. If the testing instructor runs out after her, then everyone will be suspicious as opposed to assuming she'd just embarrassed about her test results. Which leaves me no choice but to wait.

I looked at my docket. Only three students left. The test was quick. Roughly five to ten minutes needed to clean up and submit the results.

The answer is obvious. I put my wand to my throat.

"Michael Gibson."

Ll-l-L-l-l-l-L-L-l-l-l-L-l-Ll

I stood outside the castle, breathing hard. It had taken ten minutes exactly from my conscious choice to wait until this moment I stood looking for her. The elation I'd felt earlier had melted away to fear and panic, resembling something of the numb emptiness that still felt all too familiar. Through all this, my eyes searched for anything resembling her. My mind raced.

_She's got to be outside somewhere... She wouldn't stay in the castle... The castle for her is the Library, and the answer to this problem is not in any book..._ Desperate I sent my thoughts out, probing everything. I closed my eyes, letting my inner sight see for me. My mental form looked over grass and stone, as my physical being gripped my wand tight and mouthed words faster than ever before; this was magic I'd never tried, but needed it to work. It had to not fail. I hit the lake, and something shimmered. There.

I opened my eyes, gasping, and ran as fast as I could without alerting anyone. I gave my body no time to rest, but I wasn't worried; I'd been a double agent for over half my life. This wasn't the first time I'd found new ends to my limits and wouldn't be the last. When I reached the glittering still surface and saw her personally, I slowed. She was sitting, which meant she wouldn't be going anywhere, and running up behind her would only frighten her. Best approach this slowly.

I stepped lightly, my boots making soft crunching sounds on fresh grass. As I got closer I put my wand away so I wouldn't be a threat. I took every precaution not to be alarming. I was nearly right behind her.

"You don't have to act like I'm a time bomb about to go off."

The sudden remark sounded so sharp to my ears I completely lost track of everything. My voice betrayed my confusion. "I wasn't intending to treat you as a time bomb. I merely needed you to know I wasn't a threat."

"Of course you aren't a threat. You never were a threat. That's the whole problem."

Her knees were pulled to her chest, and her chin was resting on them. I stepped up beside her, trying to achieve comforting, professional, serious, and understanding all at once. Futile. "What do you mean?"

She looked at me. "You aren't a threat. You are an understanding, even kind person, who's been there for me this whole time. You treated me the kind of respect I'd been dreaming of, and didn't know I'd been dreaming of. You made Ron seem like a complete idiot." She laughed. "That shouldn't matter though... He completely is..." I laughed, and she joined me, then put her head back down while slamming her hands on the ground. "That! That's what I mean... I can laugh with you. I can come to you with... anything..."

I tried to find my emotional footing. "Hermione, it makes me happy to hear you say this. And, you're not alone... I can come to you with parts of me I didn't even know were there." Her expression didn't change, and she kept her eyes on the lake. I sat down, giving up on any form of posture, and continued my words fervently. "I've wanted to you be able to come to me with anything. And I apologize here and now if anything in my behavior ever gave you the idea that I wanted anything but that. I didn't particularly know it at first, but we both have grown very close, so it's only natural that feeling should occur."

She did turn to look at me, glaring. "You make it sound like this whole thing is a science experiment!" Her eyes were furious, but not near as terrifying as the shaking notes in her voice. My eyes widened and I made unintelligible sounds, trying to get out 'that's not what I meant at all!' and 'what did I say wrong?' and somewhere beneath it 'what is science?'

"Th-th-...I-I-I-..." I shook my head, my hands grasping at air. "Hermione I'm just trying to talk to you about this!"

"Well I can't talk about this! Not... not now..." She looked away, back at the lake. "This is... so awful..."

I sat, stunned and hurt. I didn't know what to do. I had to do something. I lifted my hand to put it on her shoulder. "Hermione..."

"Hermione!" A loud call from behind us caused us both to turn. A man and a woman, escorted by Ministry officials...

Hermione's parents.

"Sorry to barge in like this," the man who had to be her father began apologetically, "but we wanted to surprise you for your graduation. We wouldn't have been able to see the castle on our own-"

"So when the Ministry contacted us and said we could either be a day early or a day late, we chose early! Happy Graduation Dear!" Her mother looked positively thrilled to be here. I was flabbergasted. This had to be the first time Muggles had set foot on Hogwarts ground in... Ever.

"Mum! Dad!" Hermione rushed past me and into her parent's arms. I could tell by the delay that she was suddenly remembering she had to be surprised. She looked joyous. I felt lost. "I'm so glad... You're here! How long are you staying?"

There was various small talk made. Slowly the officers disbanded, with soft words of acknowledgement to myself. I ignored it all, my eyes on the woman being embraced by her family. Finally, resolutely,I began to walk off.

"Professor!" Hermione broke free and rushed over to me. As she approached me and it got to the point where only my eyes could see her face, her happiness faded to a stern, sad, but promising conclusion. "We will continue our discussion later." She looked me in the eyes, and a flicker of the person I knew, and loved, shown for a moment. "Just... Give me time."

Then she turned and walked back up to the castle with her parents, my gaze following her the whole way.


	36. Woman Scorned

_**McGonagall**_

I was pacing in my office. My robes looked perfect. An emerald green velvet wave with real emeralds set into the embroidery. My hat was a jeweled wonder. The cane I would be using once the spell that allowed me to walk wore off had been polished by dragon fat and shone with a light almost of it's own. But my face was furious. The reason was because of what I had learned from a very surprised looking Severus Snape of his words to a Miss Hermione Granger earlier today.

"Let me get this perfectly clear." I started, rounding on him. "The woman tells you she loves you and runs off, and your response is 'it's only natural for feelings to form'?"

"I'm still very stunned as to how you knew about this, Professor."

I waved this aside. "Never mind how I know." It would do no good, bringing Ginny into it at this point. Also, it would waste time, and as the Graduation ball was starting in under an hour, time was of the essence. "What I want to know from you is how you can be so daft about women!"

"I... hoped it would show that I understood how she could be in love with me, as I am in love with her."

"Well why didn't you just say that, Severus? Why did you decide to be cryptic about it? Merlin's beard, she's a woman! Not some potion ingredient to measure and stir."

"Yes she... did say something like that..."

I sighed, putting a hand to to my eyes. "I bet she did..." I moved to sit down, looking at him again. "Well, what do you intend to do about it?"

He folded his arms behind his back. "I am going to give her the time and space she requested."

I sat back in my chair, raising my eyebrows."Are you truly so incapable of reading between the lines? She told you that because she's convinced you feel nothing for her beyond friendship! You have to talk to her, now, and tell her how you feel before she goes off and tried to talk herself out of her feelings."

He blinked. "Do you really think she'd do that?"

I glared at him. "She's a woman scorned, Severus. There's no telling what she'd do. Something I do know is, you are awful with women, and you have less than 55 minutes to learn. As that's barely enough time to get yourself dressed and down to the Great Hall looking presentable, you had better get going. Now."

Without another word, he left my office. I watched him go, sighing to myself. Hard enough dealing with the aftermath of two Muggles being in the castle... And now this. Coupled with the other events likely to go on tonight, this was looking to be a very stressful evening indeed.

I walked to my window, but not before pouring myself a large shifter of brandy. I swallowed it in one gulp, watching the stars come out. _After tonight, I'm retiring._


	37. Hysteria

_**Severus**_

The whole world seemed... off.

Not off in any kind of 'magical spell permiating my vision' sense, but still off. The bright lights of the Great Hall amist the dancers themselves seemed to dance, and mixed with the laughter and tinkling of glasses I was finding myself getting very dizzy very fast.

I completely ignored the idea this could just be my nerves. Instead, I blamed the firewhiskey in my hand.

Taking another long gulp that was quickly sending my unexperianced liver into confused hysteria, I looked around the room. Faces and colors were a blur, but I wasn't interested in that. I knew if I saw her I'd know it, and she had yet to appear. I reflected. At first, I had felt a certain anxiousness at expecting to see her immediately and facing whatever issues needed resolving. Now, there was a chance she had decided to forego coming to this fantasia of festivities, to which I was here for basically no reason (knowing full well I had to be here by order of the Headmistress). I accepted this revalation with my usual realism. I was cool. I was calm. I was in desperate need of another drink.

Trying to make the sudden movement toward the refreshment table as nonchallant as possible, I was paused by a movement by the door. For a moment, I thought i was halucinating, and was ready to swear off illicet beverages for the rest of my days. Then I realized I wasn't alone in seeing the figure, and swore under my breath. Seeing I had no chance to flee, I opted for forming my face into a pleasent smile.

"Lucius. What an unexpected pleasure."

He seemed to start, as though surprised I had noticed him among the crowd, a move that struck me as unduly transparant. Even given the falseness of his smile, the icy glare I had felt the moment he walked in, and the sheer obvious nature of his visit on this day of all days, his wardrobe was no less than outragious. I had always seen him in black, or perhaps silver. Tonight he was wearing the most magnificent robes ever crafted, woven to look like he was covered in peacock feathers. He could not have been more obvious if he had decided to go in the rough covered only by a sign insulting the heads of government by name and sexual preference.

"Severus! You're here? Ah but of course you are; you're supposed to be Headmaster next year." He spoke unessesarily loudly, looking out of the corners of his eyes to make sure he was being heard. "So pleased to hear about your promotion, have I said that yet? And what about your previous position, any ideas for whom that's going to fall to?"

I recognized his game, still hating to take the bait. "Lucius you know I can't discuss any information like that right now." Almost sighing I added. "Perhaps we could take this outside." I made a casual motion towards the door, checking my wand was hidden in my sleeve in the same moment.

"Ah yes, very good Severus." He smiled and lowered his head, leading the way with his cane. I followed, thinking quickly. If there was to be a battle, then I was well within my rights to take him out here and now on the grounds of Hogwarts Warden. Of course, I could also knock him out and then let Hagrid take revenge on the murderer. There was no saying I couldn't have a turn myself...

I blinked and found myself outside in the gardens, where a few party-goers were enjoying themselves beneath the fairy lamps that lit the expanses of green. Lucius was stopped beneath one such light, a blue glow that made him look almost skelatol. I met his eyes evenly.

"Lucius. Let's stop this charade. Why have you come? This night? Of all nights?"

"Why, to see you off. Tonight's your last night as "Potions Master" after all, isn't it? End of school year, and all that? Oh, and to watch you lose your job before you sit in the desk and the mud-blood whore before you ever touched her tainted flesh."

A lifetime of insults hurled at me, and I was nearly floored by how straightforward his sentence had been. "What are you talking about?"

He paced in front of me, keeping his eyes on mine. "I had a talk with Molly Weasley the other day. About my concerns that a certain young girl was being taking advantage of by an older man, a young girl who knew nothing of love and a man's notice, who burried herself in books and work and had been through so very much. It didn't take much to convince the bumbling troll to have a talk with the girl's parents for me. And it won't take much after that to assure that you will be crushed, reduced to a poverty-stricken has-been with nothing but your fading years to keep you company."

I stared, my mind too shocked to quite comprehend what he had said. "You... Why did you insist on these results?"

"You don't know?" I took in the question, and found my only response was to shake my head. He tilted his head back to laugh at nothing, his silvery hair a funeral shrowed. "You've known me all these years, and you don't know?" His voice squeaked slightly, and I slipped my fingers around my wand, just in case I was to bear witness to Lucius Malfoy finally becoming a madman. "Power. Fame. Fortune. That was my life, my wants, my... needs. And everything I was raised to believe taught me the way to these things was the pureness of a bloodline, the knowledge and acceptance of power for power's sake, and the willingness to do anything for it. And I... failed." Another hysterical laugh that caused a few people to stare. "And... and more to the point, you failed! You... you with that... Evans girl... And now this Granger... You're a pox on wizarding kind, and I can't stand you."

I folded my arms across my chest, but kept my thoughts to myself. "So what makes you think you've succeeded in this 'master plan' to rid the world of one more 'muggle lover'?"

"Look behind you, Severus. I'd say I did my job perfectly."

I turned, and saw in the lamp lights Mr. and Mrs. Granger, deep in conversation with Molly Weasley. Every once in a while they would turn to look at me, and in the darkness dotted with colors, it was impossible to tell how they meant these puctuations of movement. They suddenly stopped talking and started walking toward me in a group.

"You see, Severus?" I turned my head back around to look at Lucius, the madness passing from his face but still twinkling in his eyes. "Too easy."

"Ah, Professor Snape!" The joyous greeting from Mr. Granger was accompanied by a strong pat on the shoulder, the other arm lightly around his wife. Both were cradling glasses of punch and looking like they had never had a better time in their lives. "Haven't heard anything but good things from you by Professer Weasley here. We'd read in letters from our daughter that you'd really taken her under your wing this year, but we understand now you have become close friends with our daughter as well."

"We just wanted to say thank you." his wife cut in, her face full of gratitude mixed with a little uncertainty and pain. "No one here knows better than you the challenges she faced the past few years, and we also know it's not normal of you to look past all that for someone, and we both feel like we owe you more than words can say."

I stopped her here, holding up and then out my hand. "Please, nothing more is needed. Your daugher is one of a kind, and it truly hasn't been one sided. She's helped me find more of myself this past year as well, and I can honestly say it has been a pleasure to know her."

"Thank you Professor for the kind words." They both smiled, and Mr. Granger hugged his wife a little tighter before taking a sip. "Hermione should be down soon, she's taking a bit of time getting ready; important night and all. We're going to go back inside now, though, and continue our tour of the refreshment table." Laughing, they went back inside, but not before I noticed Molly giving me a wink and joining their jokes. I turned back to Lucius, who looked as though he had been punched in the gut twice by a mountain giant.

"Tell me Lucius, what hurt more? Being ignored, or finding that your so-called 'work' was for naught?" He didn't answer, but made a kind of struggling sound. I stepped in close, to make sure he heard me. "Let me tell you something, Lucius. This isn't your world anymore. The world you knew, the world you fought in died when Voldemort did and people realized they didn't have to live in ignorance anymore. You don't hold the strings you used you. You can't just play these little behind the scenes games with people and their minds and watch as everything works out for you. It won't. All the money in Gringotts can't buy your respect back, and the new world's problems don't disappear if you give them donations, anyway. I certainly won't. So you have a choice. Either accept your new demotation as a pawn and go back home to your hopefully loving family, or stay here and rot in your own hell." My voice shaking with fury and the satisfaction that only truly speaking ungaurded can bring, I turned and walked swiftly away from him.

I intended to only walk away from _him_, but I ended up walking away from the castle and everything else. I found myself at the lake, starring at the soft ripples caused by the giant squid's wafting movements. At that moment, I felt... lost. Not in a bad way, or even in a literal way, but the pureness of being at a place in my life that was entirely of my own choosing, that could go in any direction, seemed both a weight and a relief at the same time. I focused only on the water, letting the feeling of it mix with this emotion and wash over me. I let my breath go.

I turned, hearing footsteps on grass crunch. They weren't heading for me, but my reflex to know my surroundings was stronger than my urge to relax. I saw, roughly 200 yards away, Hermione Granger wearing a dress made of stars and moonlight, trapsing across the lawn with no regard to the fact she was the most beautiful thing ever crafted. I called out to her. "Hermione!"

She stopped, noticed me, and then kept up her pace.

"Hermione, wait, please!"

"Why should I?" she called back, her voice like a thousand bird calls.

"Because I simply have to talk to you!" I stumbled forward, the ground rising and falling with my footfalls, her shining face the only clear thing. She seemed confused as I made my way toward her, and, (how strange!) no matter how hard I tried to reach her I kept slipping backward. Suddenly she was right next to me, her face twisting with an unappreciation for the smell on my breath.

"Professor, you're drunk."

"Drunk like a fox." I gazed at her beauty, at the moon falling on her hair and the silken wrinkles her movements made in her dress. How had I never noticed this before? A warm feeling in my abdomen spread through me. In some far off corner of my brain, I hoped it was love and not a need to go to the bathroom.

"I thought you didn't drink."

"So did I, but I may keep it up if it causes me to feel this way all the time." I wrapped my arms around myself, holding her hands on my shoulders as she fought to hold me still.

"What way?" her voice sounded patchy, like she was struggling. "Insane and clueless?"

"No," I cried, joyous. "Utterly at the mercy of your charms."

She let me go with a scoff, and I felt the grass hit my knees. "You really are drunk."

"Yes," I said, wobbling to my feet. "But that doesn't change how I feel about you."

"Entirely the problem, Professor." She was growing further away, and without depth perception it was impossible to tell how far. Still, I risked further conversation.

"Hermione please come back. I'm apparently unable to chase you and besides the lake is beautiful tonight."

She did turn then, her hair streaming behind her. "Haven't we been through enough recently?"

"No, not nearly. I have to tell you... I love you Hermione."

She froze for one moment, and in my state I swore I saw her shell crack for an instant before slamming back shut. "I'm not here to be patronized."

"I'm not trying to patronize you!" I shook my head to clear it, forcefully ignoring the swimming feeling it brought to the surface, and plowed forth with words. "I love you. I'm sorry I froze when you... I've felt like I've been going insane for weeks, smelling your hair, your memory, every time I breathed in Amortentia, and to hear you say... I didn't know how to react."

"Well, I wish you had said something like this at the time." she huffed, and I heard the tears in her voice. "Because perhaps now I might be a bit more inclined to stay near you." She turned to rush off again.

"Hermione! Please...! I know I did something that will hearafter be classified as utterly stupid, but I did it with best intentions. I didn't want to hurt you, but of all the options going through my head at the time, it was the one I thought would do the least damage."

"Well, next time someone tells you they love you, treat them like a person and not a potion ingrediant!" She almost spat this at me. I made grasping motions at the air as I sought for words I didn't know.

"Please I... Isn't there anything I can do to prove myself?" I finally asked, the drowning feeling quickly leaving my head to be replaced with a panic in my soul.

"Not in the slightest. Everything you could say to me I would know to be a calculated decision to further entice me to stay." She once again showed me her back, and it came to me in an instant.

"So, all I have to do then is to do something completely off the wall for me, and it will prove to you my honesty?"

She looked back, and I didn't wait for the answer. I had her notice. I would try. I used the moment to sprint toward the water, and upon hearing the first few splashes from my boots on waves, I dove in. The cold water hit my face, and obliterated the dazed feelings lingering in my mind. I broke the surface, freezing, to hear Hermione's gasp and footsteps as she rushed to me.

"Severus your outfit is ruined and what was the point of all that?"

I kicked lightly, treading water. "I'm crazy for you, Hermione. If you won't believe me, then I shall act as crazy as I feel. It is crazy, not least of all to me, but here it is. I love you. And I am even willing to severely damage my best clothes to prove it. Do you still love me?"

I watched as her face broke into a million pieces and smile at me, then held my arms as she jumped in the water after me with a loud splash. I laughed, and held her, moving the wet hair from her face to look her in the eyes. Then, she kissed me.

The accumluation of so much emotion and need for this would have caused me to drown, literally, if I wasn't at that point able to touch the bottom. Instead it swept me away, as I tasted the water droplets on her lips with mine and then the soft sweetness of her mouth, knowing and trying not to pay any attention to the fact she was feeling and thinking the same things of me.

Then, we both heard a noise, and looked up.

The noise had been a rather pointed and loud clearing of one Mrs. Granger's throat. Somehow, somewhere in our splashings and declarations of love, we had caught the attention of the party goers and, unluckily, Mr. and Mrs. Granger had been curious enough to check.

"Mum? Dad?" Came the soft squeek of the girl in my arms. Parental gaze settled firmly on us.

"Professor Snape... A word?"


	38. Happy Accident

_**Severus**_

The room was... comfortable. Brightly lit, with a kind of cheery cottage feel inspite of the modern appliances and placement of furniture. The chair, with it's armrests at the (somehow) perfect height for the placement of my hands, would have been an ideal resting place at the end of a long day.

If only it wasn't this day.

For fifteen long minutes, from the moment I stepped into the room and sat in the offered seat, the only sound had been the ticking of the clock in the dining space. Neither I or the concerned parents sitting across from me had made a sound, or even a movement.

A thought occured. I think... they're waiting for something.

I didn't even flinch. They could damn well wait forever, as far as I was concerned. They called me here, and if it's my resolve they're testing, I can last a millenia. For all I know, this is just the first of many such situations to come, and if I give up now, then what was the previous year even for?

Five more minutes.

I am excellent at noticing the passage of time, even without the aid of a loud ticking in the back of my notice. It comes from years of waiting for night to end, of long stakeouts, of marking how long I had between a guided insult and the reaction time to pull out my wand. The subtle grace of each moment is... special, in it's own way, to me. It helps that I think a lot.

Hmmm... Two more minutes.

Hermione gets her looks from her father, obviously. Odd, given how femenine the features look on her. Ah, but her mother's jaw and bone structure seems to have softened the strong lines inherited from her father. Both parents have the same sandy brown to them, and given the family pictures placed around the room it seems a strong trait in each side of the family. My own heritage is a darker shade, with olive undertones to the skin, and an aversian to tanning, so the likelyhood of the dominent traits merging to produce children with darker brown hair as opposed to one child with the mother's hair and one with the father's hair would be a-

"So, Severus. You've known our daughter... How long?"

The break in silence was so sudden I nearly fell over. On the outside, this translated to blinking once. I looked at Mr. Granger, whom had posed the question. "I have known your daughter for nearly ten years now."

"You first met her when she was eleven, when she entered your Potions class."

"Yes, that would be correct." I shifted slightly.

"You are... younger now then you were then?" Her mother asked this, a slight confusion in her voice that made her words seem gentle, rather than the threat beneath the father's interrigation.

"It is... Yes, I am." A flash of understanding. "Does this... upset you? Your introduction to the magical world..."

The mother started to open her mouth when her husband placed a hand on her knee. A look passed between them, of understanding and patience. Mr. Granger looked back to me, his eyes suddenly stern. "We will discuss that matter later. For now... I need to understand what your intentions are with my only child."

I looked away momentarily to gather my thoughts, returning my eyes quickly so as to show no disrespect. "Sir, I have only the best intentions with your daughter. She is exceptionally bright, kind, beautiful, and I in no way wish to dishonor her or cause her harm."

"Then please help me understand what changed in the last year. Please help me understand why someone of whom I used to get letters by owl post was being impossibly unfair for no reason I recently watched fondle my child in a lake? And, while your at it, explain to me how that's not disrepectful, either."

I took a deep breath, feeling like I was starring up from a deep hole, knowing that an explanation was deserved. "Mr. and Mrs. Granger, if I was... unduly hard on your daughter, then I offer my deepest apoligies and regrets and pray you know that the same have already been given to Hermione, on multiple occasions, throughout the past year." He was holding his wife's hand. "The events that conspired to bring myself to my current age, and put me in social contact with your daughter, invoked a serious change on me. I was... One could say I was more receptive to becoming close to someone this year, because I was no longer needing to hide, or hold myself back from the world most people knew. Did you read the Daily Prophet about... my exploits?" A few moments passed, and then Mrs. Granger nodded for the both of them. They weren't looking at me. "Understand... What I was required to do put a serious distance between others and myself. There was only one person who knew the extent of my life, and he was the Headmaster of Hogwarts; a busy man, playing his own dangerous game, and not someone who could fully trust myself or anyone, lest that person be captured, tortured, and consiquently cause the destruction of the world." I paused again, and looked again at the faces of the two in front of me. They still weren't meeting my eyes. I continued on, slowly, and gently. "I do not... I don't want you to think about that, though. It is in the past, and I understand for you being worried about your daughter, and the kind of man I really am. And... the other reason this year was different, was _because_ of Hermione. She saw in me something she saw in herself. This year was... especially hard for her, I think. She started it without the two of you in her life, and without her usual circle of friends at school to lean on. I was the only one she could really count on, and in her way, she became the person I could count on, too. For making me laugh, smile, and feel human, she was the best thing I could have asked for. I fell for her and... She didn't believe me." The parents who had started to look up durring my previous admissions were now starring at me. I was looking past them, watching the memories in my mind. "She admitted it first, durring a poorly conceived plan of mine to find out what sort of thing I would need to do to win her over. I'm a Potions Master. The final for my class was to make a love potion and a truth potion, drink the Truth Serum, and then admit was the love potion smelled like. It... went more embarrassing than I'd care to admit."

"So how did you get her into the lake with you?" Mrs. Granger was the one who dared broach that particular question. I looked to her.

"I said she didn't believe me. When I asked her how to prove it, she said I couldn't, because every move I made was a pretictable move to try and play her emotions. I did something unpredictable. I jumped into the lake. What happened after that... The most I can say, was "natural."

The two in front of me shared a few looks. Whole paragraphs seemed to pass between them, seated in quiet on the tufted loveseat the color of honey. I watched the way he held her hand, the comfort that filled her eyes when he touched the rings on her finger. They both lowered their heads, in a private gesture of relief I recognized. "There is just... one more thing I'd like to ask about, Severus..." Mrs. Granger raised her chin to look at me. "You... you were healed magically to be here today." I nodded gravely. "We... I'm not too familiar with these things..."

"We're dentists, Severus." He continued on without asking if I knew what that was. It happened I did. "We know medicine, but not how magic will affect it. You... are healthy...?"

I saw what they were trying to ask. "Mr. Granger, I assure you, there would be no complications should anything 'medical' happen between Hermione and I."

"I don't really know if it's right for us to be discussing Hermione when she's not around," her father began, "but I am her father, and I'm a bit traditional with these kinds of things... And you are a very particuar person, Professer Snape." The sudden formality was not lost. I sat up even straighter in my long black robes. "A less patient man would have probably punched you in the face when he saw his daughter and his daughter's teacher kissing in a pool. And while I know that saying it like that is leaving a lot out, it's still possible to say what happened just like that."

"I understand, Mr. Granger." I began to feel nervous, preparing for the worst.

"Do you love my daughter, sir?"

So direct a question. I answered without hestitation. "I irrevocably do."

He placed a hand on my shoulder. "Then do something about it."

_**Hermione**_

I was sitting in the front yard of my house. The street had always been so quiet... So strange, that I had been playing out here when the Ministry official arrived. Now, inside, Severus Snape was talking to my parents. Probably being torn apart. Probably...

I looked at the sky, my arms folded around myself. What did I want out of this, exactly? The freedom to date whom I choose? The more I thought about it, the more the last few months felt like I _had_ been dating him. We'd learned so much about each other... I'd learned so much about myself. If it hadn't been that way, why would have the last week or so panned out like it had? Why would have I fallen in love? Why would I have jumped into the school lake with a giant squid swimming around? Or... or felt so marvelous when I kissed Severus?

A part of me... almost _wanted_ to feel weird. Wanted to go back to being a kid, and Snape being the scary Potions Master, back to hanging out with Harry and having a crush on Ron, because that kind of thing was familar. Nothing was familiar anymore, did that make it bad? I was past school age, an adult in my community, able to go out and purchase an apartment somewhere and fill it with frogspawn if I felt like it... Didn't that mean personal life had to change, too?

_It's not so bad..._ I reasoned. _Harry, Ginny, all the Weasleys would be there with me as well... Well, except Ron, but he always was a prat anyway..._ I suddenly had a fleeting thought of a giant dinner, with Ron bringing Lavender and my bringing Severus and grinning while Severus put his arm around me and Ron and Lav glarred daggers at us...

A door hinge creaked behind me, followed by footsteps hitting sidewalk, then grass, growing closer to me. I held my breath, afraid to turn, then finally faced myself and did. Severus was standing there, wisely changed from his full black wizard robes into a less obvious olive green shirt with a silver S on the shoulder, matched with black slacks. The wind blew his hair from his face, and I saw his eyes were thoughtful, troubled.

"What happened?" I asked, pulling a stray lock behind my ear.

"Hermione, I have done so many things without thinking of you, or anyone, first... I don't want to do that now."

I took a deep breath. This sounded... "Alright. All right." Slowly exhaled. "What have... What are you wanting to do?"

"Marry you."

I gasped and coughed, causing him to immediatly put his arms around me to try and steady me. When the fit subsided, I saw my parents standing a few feet off, Dad's arm around Mum's shoulder. I looked back at him. "You're serious?"

He knelt and pulled a box from no where. "Forgive me for Summoning this now..." he mumbled. "I don't believe in putting off anything this important." He reached for my hand, the free one that hadn't gone to my mouth. "The ring belonged to my mother. While her life wasn't the happiest, before her end she told me she treasured this jewel because it's exsistence brought her a son. I hope it will now bring me you." He opened it, revealing a gold band inlade with shining specks of diamond, and a larger, slightly darker stone set at the center. "Hermione Jean Granger... Will you be my wife?"

A million things flashed in my mind. The glimmer of the ring in the sunlight. The look on the faces of my friends if they were to be here. The feeling of the wind on my face at that exact moment. The days that could, would follow after I answered. The small details of everything trying to register all at once so I would always remember. And realizing I had tears running down my face while laughing, wondering at what point my life turned into such a strange, happy accident.

"Yes."


	39. What Were You Thinking

_**Harry**_

I lifted the cup to my mouth and sipped, sighing in appreciation. The blend was something called "kona", a type of coffee from an island state many, many miles from here. My adoptive family teased me about it often that I had recently switched to coffee rather than drink tea like they and the others they know did. I gave them grins and smiles and silent acceptance, but in the quiet of the night I told Ginny the truth; after what felt like a million meetings drinking tea and being told bad news, I simply couldn't stomach the stuff anymore.

The morning was a fairly standard morning. Except for a receiving a hoped-for announcement early this morning by an Unfaultable Messenger, everything was pretty… standard. After a shower punctuated by firecrackers going off inside the house followed by a loud "sorry!" from somewhere downstairs, and Ron popping his head in to let me know he was heading out, I'd pulled on some jeans and a button down and traipsed downstairs. The Unfaultable Messenger had caught me putting eggs on my plate and nearly caused me to drop the whole thing until I realized what was going on. When I did, I got the message, smiled, and then sat down for some breakfast and light reading; a letter I'd been meaning to go over from Hagrid. I had managed two paragraphs and one piece of toast when a loud door slammed, followed by another door, yet another, stomps up and then down the stairs, finally resulting in Ron running into the kitchen looking messier than I'd ever seen him.

"Ron! What-"

"I can't believe she did this Harry!"

"Who did… A girl did this to you?"

He stared at me like I had grown a third arm and was trying to pass it off as a slight bump of skin. "What? No! No I did this to myself!"

I slowly straightened up, putting a hand on my wand. "Ron… are you feeling all right?"

"Of course I'm not feeling all right!" He slammed his hand into the door frame, causing the house to creak. "And I don't know how you're being so calm about it!"

I tilted my head, trying to think. "What are you…" A light bulb blinked on. "Oh! This is about Hermione!"

"Of course this is about Hermione!"

"Well, don't worry about it." I said, straightening out my letter once more. "The party was managed to be re-scheduled, and once Ginny's done getting my house ready for our wedding we'll be able to go ahead and throw her 'surprise' party as planned."

"You've got to be kidding Harry."

"No no, not at all. You as well as anyone knows that's why I'm sitting in your kitchen and not mine; girls are crazy when they're decorating, especially for a wedding."

"I'm kind of talking about a _different_ wedding." Ron spat through clenched teeth.

"What wedding?" I asked innocently.

"_Hermione and Snape!"_

"Ooooh, _that's_ what you meant." I responded, as though it had never occurred to me. Nodding gravely, I put down my letter and folded my hands on the table. "Ah yes, yes… Hermione did mention that."

"Can you believe that?" He asked, more of a yell than a question.

"Honestly? No, but I'm glad for it."

"How can you be glad? She's marrying the biggest creep we ever-"

"Yeah yeah I know, he was a mean teacher to us while we were in school, but Ron that's in the past!" I sighed and turned my body to follow him while he paced around the kitchen. "She's our friend, and this is up to her, don't you think?"

"I still don't get why she couldn't have just stayed my girlfriend and be done with it." He growled.

I sighed again, trying to speak a little quicker. "Ron you know the answer to that! You wanted, you _both_ wanted different things. I can't blame her for wanting someone who wasn't gonna try and change her."

He swerved, his hands in the air. "I wasn't trying to change her! If she had been a little more patient-"

"Ron get serious. Hermione is too sensitive to sit waiting for you to come around all the time. She might have put up with this five years ago, but I think she's tired of crying of you. And, not to be a prick here, but I'm getting tired of holding her when she does."

"You really think that's fair, mate? Throwing that on me?"

"I think it's fair to let Hermione be with who she wants. And apparently, that's Severus."

"How can you call him that?" he asked, both hands on the table.

"What?"

"Severus."

"I don't know, because I'm not a 12 year old?"

"After everything he-"

I slammed my hand down, knocking my breakfast off the plate and tipping my glass of milk. I didn't even notice. My eyes were locked onto his, and I prayed they were burning, cause I was. "Damn it Ron, _do not _turn this into a replay of what happened in our Fourth year! Yes, Ron, after everything he did; all the detentions, punishments, House Points deducted, threats, insults, murders, and inadvertently causing the _death of my parents_, I'm cool with it. What the hell kind of excuse do you have for not being fine with it also?"

"He's going to marry Hermione!"

"Oh well _of course_." I threw my hands in the air. "Let's just call him up and we can knock his teeth out right here cause he's gonna marry Hermione!" I pointed a finger at him. "Look, you wanna be jealous? Fine. Be jealous. But think about this: You moved on. She may have pulled the plug but you got a girlfriend first. And don't think that I'm so deep a sleeper than you two haven't woken me up some nights. So I really don't know what right you have to be jealous, and I _really_ don't know what Lavender would say if she knew you were."

Ron stood staring at me, less than an inch of space between my hand and his face. We squared off like that for about two more minutes, no one blinking, until he finally growled and stormed out of the house. A heard a faint _pop_ of an Apparation spell.

Sighing, fighting to calm down, I looked at the table covered in my breakfast with milk starting to drip onto the floor. For a moment, I just looked at it, gathering my thoughts. Then I grabbed a towel off a near-by counter, bent, and started cleaning it up.

_**Hermione**_

"So… You really like the color gold? Is that what I'm supposed to get from this?"

Ginny didn't even look up from the piles of cloth-of-gold napkins we were intricately folding, one by one, with a swish of a wand and flick of the wrist. Growing up a Muggle I appreciated not having to do it all by hand, but somewhere around the 173rd golden napkin shaped like a duck I'd become disenchanted with the whole thing. She, however, seemed as gung-ho as she ever had, and answered me buried in levels of transparent taffeta.

"Gold isn't a color I _like_, Hermione. It's a color that fits."

I was resting my head on one hand, the other holding my wand in the air making the monotonous gesture. My face lifted slightly when I rolled my eyes. "Fits what, exactly?"

She sighed, turning to look at me with a motion of obvious annoyance. "The _theme._ It's all in this book, A Million and One Things To Say on Your Wedding Day. Gold means forever."

"Oh. Really?"

"How should I know?" She looked back down, eyebrows furrowed. "But this is going to be perfect, and nothing is going to stop me."

Two-hundred fourteen napkins now. I sighed. Another wand flick. "No wonder Harry isn't here."

"Actually I point blank told him to get out…" Her eyes were searching the piles of fabric, pulling bits of lace and velvet to her to make flowers with. "Didn't want him interfering with the busywork."

"Ah." I nodded, feeling a bit put out. "So I'm good for busywork?"

"Well we all knew that Hermione." I scowled. Two- hundred thirty-two. A few moments of fabric scraping. A slightly pause, and she said something, grinning so huge I could hear it. "Actually… I also wanted to talk about the Messenger you sent out today…"

I blushed, the duck pausing in the air mid-fold. "I made everything very clear in the announcement."

"Yes, you did." She said matter-of-factly. "But you didn't seriously think that I'd invite you over to help me with my wedding preparations and not poke you for answers about yours?"

I bit my lip. "…Kind of?"

She grinned, throwing the fabric down to look at me from across the floor. "Couldn't be more wrong." Hands clapped together. "Spill it!"

"Spill what?" I exclaimed, dropping my own wand and facing her.

"How'd this get started? What have you two done? All the details right now right here go!"

"Calm down calm down!" I held up my hands for emphasis, then sighed, thinking. "I guess the day we first really started talking was the day Ron and me broke up."

"Oooooo, little rebound action." She rubbed her hands together. I threw a napkin at her head.

"Oh stop it was nothing like that!" I dropped my shoulders and looked at the ceiling. "It was more like… We'd been talking before, and I'd struck a few nerves, but this was the first thing that could be passed off as 'general conversation.' This was open, honest feelings and talking about those open, honest feelings. And we had a few moments after that, him carrying me home from Hogsmeade one night, that sort of thing… Ohhh…" I blushed, remembering something.

"What?" Ginny grinned, seeing my look.

"Oh ummm… There was this one time, when we almost ran into Malfoy."

"Lucius Malfoy?" I nodded. She cringed. "Exactly. Well, we were talking next to his office getting ready to go upstairs, when Severus stops and says Malfoy's coming. I didn't know what else to do, so… I jumped into his arms and he Vanished us." She made a giggling sound and I shot her a dirty look. She quieted immediately, looking angelic. I started talking again. "Malfoy comes down the stairs and I started mentally comparing the two, and, well… It was really easy to notice the fact that Severus had the softest, palest skin and smelled amazing."

"You dirty tramp." She laughed as I threw another napkin at her head, missing by a yard. "But come on! What have you two done?"

"We haven't done anything!"

"Awww, you can tell me Hermione."

"No I mean really, we haven't! We kissed once…"

"Yeah I heard about that. It was apparently a really steamy one in the lake that your folks walked in on, which is why your party was re-scheduled and by all reports Snape had the reddest cheeks anyone had ever seen the remainder of the End of Year Ball."

"_Yes_, thank you." I threatened another napkin, and she flew herself down to dodge the hit. It never came. "Well, that's all we've done."

"That's completely unacceptable though!" She threw her arms up in protest.

"Why are you saying this to me?"

"Hermione you're _engaged_. You've got to _do stuff_."

"Ginny I've only been engaged for about a day and before then I wasn't aware that I was dating."

"Not the point at all. This is a fun time, and you've got to have fun. Go out, have dinner, see a show, spend a night together, _spend_ a _night together_."

I ignored the elbow motion she made at my ribs. "Ginny just because you and Harry are at that point in your relationship doesn't mean we all are."

"Hermione, it's really great. And not just the sex part of it; being able to be really close with someone that you trust 100% and talk and be yourself away from everyone else is wonderful, too."

"I can do that without being in bed, Ginny."

"Well, that's why the sex part of it is important."

I slapped my forehead. "This isn't the conversation I wanted to be having with my friend and best friend's future wife."

"Why because you're afraid of doing it yourself?"

"No because I don't want to think about Harry" I stopped, flabbergasted, "_plowing _you!"

"I get that, believe me! I felt the same way when Ron started asking me for pointers with Lavender." I let this slide; I was long over Ron and it didn't faze me. "But it's worth talking about since you're going to be there soon."

I sighed, hunching my back; a visual sigh of defeat. "All right." I looked up, eyebrows lowered. "But I don't want any of this going outside this room."

"Deal." She picked up and waved her wand to cause the piles of papers, cloth, and buttons around us to go sailing into various piles, clearing up a small circle of space around us on the floor. She scooted in closer to be next to me, taking on the air of a very serious and professional council member. "Now then," her fingers were pointed, touching the edge of her mouth. "Why haven't you pushed your limits with your new fiancé?" Her fingers moved to point to me, and I thought about my answer.

"Well… I don't know if it's just that I haven't had the time… Or, more likely… I have never been in a serious relationship before and didn't expect to be in one so soon. But I do love him!" I added quickly, clarifying. "I don't regret this at all! I just… I'm new to all this."

She sat there, nodding her head to what I was saying. "Well, I was new to it all, too. You wanna know what I did?"

I nodded, tilting my head to the side.

"I asked him about it."

I slapped her shoulder. "Get off it."

"No, honestly! I broached the topic one day, and we just… talked about it."

"Oh so, what? 'Hey Severus, mind if I go a bit past kissing right now? Maybe take things to the bedroom?'"

"I'm not saying ask for permission before you do anything, Hermione!" She huffed, crossing her arms. "I just mean… Ask him what he likes. Find out if he'd want you to run your hands over him, or if he's a fan of having his neck kissed, or his chest licked… Then just do it sometime."

I thought about that. I thought about sitting down and talking about what our experience with sex was, finding out what each liked or didn't like or wanted to try… Then unbuttoning his shirt one button at a time and exploring his skin with my tongue. Then I shivered and blushed, hiding my face with my hands. "I don't know if I can do this Ginny."

She sighed, then patted my shoulder. "Think about it this way, Hermione." I looked up to see her smiling reassuringly at me. "You love him, he loves you, so whatever it is you're thinking, trust me… He's thinking it too."

_**Severus**_

For once, I was nowhere near my office.

I was at Spinner's End, in my bedroom, second floor, looking out the window. On my desk was a mass of papers, the one on top a letter from Hermione's parents letting me know when and where they would be able to get together for Hermione's new surprise birthday party. The ones scattered about, everything from bank statements to the upcoming year lunch and dinner menu needing my approval.

Oh, and one very low-key letter from Lucius Malfoy, inquiring as to whether or not I still wanted him to replace me as Potions Master.

The question, asked so pointedly, had my mind in a mental battle. I didn't know what answer to give.

On the one hand, Lucius had obviously lost his mind to some extent. Having his Pure-Blood notions of power truly smashed down for all the world to see had rattled him to his core, as I myself had witnessed not days ago. On the other hand, the position of Potions Master was needing to be named immediately, and with Lucius having secured the placement long weeks earlier I had no one else lined up to take on the job. On the middle finger of the right hand, I had a new fiancé to think about and didn't really give a damn about any of this. I was in love, dammit.

Hermione really was occupying most of my thoughts, a past time I thought I would have gotten used to by now, but recently had only multiplied since she'd said yes to my proposal. Right now, somewhere, she was wearing the ring I gave her, _my_ ring, and living her life. Just as easy and care-free as ever. Like it was no big deal to be engaged to me, Severus Snape. The whole notion made me so giddy I felt like I could jump around the house laughing all day.

But the world hadn't stopped, and there was business to attend to. Like right now. Lucius Malfoy, for all he was and ever would be, had finally been brought down to Earth and I didn't think he liked it. People had told me he had walked slowly off, _slinked away_, after I'd left him to go to the lake and hadn't even been aware of the little escapade that Hermione's parents had caught me in. Whether he knew now was doubtful; the incident had been handled gracefully, and the few who did know outside those involved saw no reason to go blabbing even without being bribed. Even if he did, he would just as quickly catch wind of my recent update in relationship status and then any sick hopes of Hermione's and my splitting up would be dashed on very sharp rocks. She and I were together, were going to stay together, and he was going to have to come to terms with that and so much more.

I paced back to the table, rifling through to find the letter he'd send. It seemed… dull. Lackluster. Bland. Had he truly lost his spark? Or was this his way of turning down the job without turning down the job? If he was still worried about keeping up appearances (and I wasn't ruling anything out yet) then there was no way he would ever openly turn down the opportunity to mold young minds. If I was wrong and reading the wrong thing out of this letter, then he was honestly depressed and a changed man, and this was my moment to give a man who was previously beyond salvation a second chance at exactly that. Everything hinged on my ability to deduct the true meaning and respond accordingly.

Mmmmm… I wonder if I can learn to do the same thing with Hermione's body language.

I stopped short of slapping myself in the forehead, before smiling softly to myself. Months of keeping myself, my wants, was something that was hard to be. Months? Let's be honest here… _Years_. The only thing that made this special was what I had been keeping locked up inside, my… fascination with this girl… this woman… and it was now breaking free. Everything was breaking free for me, and my mind soared with the chance to truly be limitless.

At the same time, my pulse raced with the knowledge that reaching for her in a dark hallway, watching torchlight flicker in her hair, seeing her lips smile and part for my mouth… None of that was forbidden…

I didn't stop to worry and fret, to hem and haw over her limits, what she wanted, what I wanted, how far we'd be willing to go. I simply let my mind wander, rejoicing privately that it could wander, and then slowly pulled myself back out of my head to stare, sullen and sure, at the blank piece of paper before me.

I reached for a quill, dabbed it with ink, and then began, narrating aloud as I did.

"To… Lucius… Malfoy…"


	40. Special Importance

Sorry this took me a bit- can't get to the computer as often anymore, and the site was down. Hopefully the addition of another laptop in the house will change that. Enjoy the chapter in the mean time!

_**~/`/`/~/`/`/~**_

_**Severus**_

Tonight was a night of special importance.

It was two weeks after the day I'd walked out of Hermione's childhood home and asked her to marry me. Somehow, we'd managed to survive the streams of questions raised by those who wondered how it happened and those who'd had no idea it was coming. A large part of it was owed Harry and Ginny, who helped navigate everyone among planning their own wedding and proven themselves so trustworthy as to now be members of my "new" extended family. Honestly, without them it couldn't possibly have been taken care of, because I was well in the middle of my own work; actually making sure Hermione's "surprise" party made it off the ground.

I'd long since told my betrothed that the whole thing had been made up on the top of my head to avoid telling her about my _real_ plan, but I still wanted to make it happen. Something about the idea of throwing a party felt so… normal. I wanted to give it a try.

I was dressed to what I was told was "the nines". My vest was a swirl of silver and black lined with midnight stitching that changed from a deep blue to black, depending on the angle of light. The same threadwork wove its way into my black pants and long cloak. My shirt, the little that was visible, was white. My hair, which I had straightened for the occasion, lay two inches longer than the line of my shoulders in an immaculate straight edge. My underwear was- actually you have no business knowing that.

I vaguely played with the longest layer falling just beside my face as I looked in the mirror. The letter I'd sent to Lucius had received no reply, but the bird returned looking pleased so I knew it had been received. Unable to know how else to take it, and with no other plan, I assumed the answer was for the positive. Though the thing I hated most was waiting, it seemed in this instance I must. I sighed. My hope, the only real hope I had for the affair, was no one killed him off before term started.

I looked at my eyes in the mirror, the only thing about my person that had stayed the same… and changed. Before, they had been hard, dark; emotionless. Today they looked… not quite warm, but more open. Like the person on the inside was not so closed off as he had been, and no small wonder why. A fiancé! I never would have guessed it of myself. To be fair, though, I also wouldn't have ever guessed to have my life back.

The fire in the hearth blazed suddenly, drawing my attention away from my thoughts. It turned a shade of green, and a message flashed in front of my eyes alerting me to Harry Potter wishing to speak to me. I nodded my head, flicked my hand, and acknowledged. His face appeared in the fire, grinning.

"Ready, Severus?" he said, sounding far more excited than anyone had a right to be.

"You be the judge. Am I… fit to receive?"

He took my clothes into account, looking me over as only a man can do for another man- mercilessly, and trying not to make it awkward. "Your outfit is good. Is it warded though? We _are_ still gonna be partying."

I rolled my eyes. "My clothes are prepared for any kind of spill or stain yes, thank you." I paused a moment, considering my words. "I… was actually more concerned with… I'm still not used to…"

He seemed to understand. "She'll appreciate it, don't worry. I know enough about women, and Hermione, to know that."

I nodded, thinking of something else. "The outburst the other day… I've done everything I know how to make sure it doesn't happen, but have you talked to him?"

He shook his head, looking troubled. "No. Ron's not spoken to me, or his family, since. You worried?"

I frowned. "No. I don't care if he makes a scene again. I'm not going to say I wasn't upset with he decided to charge into my house and start levying threats, but if he's that mad…" My words trailed off, and I brought up another point. "Are… you doing okay? Ron's still your best friend."

He smiled thoughtfully. "Yeah. Thanks. Really, thanks. You've gotten to be a pretty close friend, too." He looked at my searching, and seemed to find what he was looking for. I looked down for a moment, trying not to feel awkward, then met his eyes.

"I won't say I'm prepared to say this but… You've become close as well. You've really been there for me recently… Friend."

Harry smiled wider for a moment and shook his head slightly. "Don't worry about it." He looked down, then back at me. "Just checked the time. You'd better get over here."

I nodded. "Move aside then." The fire became blank, and I walked through it like I owned the world.

AaBbCcDdEeFfGgHhIiJjKkLl

_**Hermione**_

I stood in the drawing room of The Burrow, trying to pretend that nothing was going on. So what if I was wearing my best dress? So what if my hair had been straightened (a particularly harrowing task) and was falling over my shoulders in soft waves that breezed like the ocean? I was just doing a bit of honest book reading. No party happening here.

Jeese would it just _start_ already?

I had arrived roughly ten minutes earlier, under the guise of "you have a book I don't no it's fine I'll read it here" and _swore_ I could hear sounds outside. Recently, they had begun to quiet, and with nothing to distract me from being distracted, I had begun to get irritable. Previously unknown traits like tapping my toes, biting my lip, and flicking my hair over my shoulder and back were suddenly making themselves known in gratuitous amounts.

Finally I could take it no longer and slammed the book shut, huffing. The flash of light accompanying the motion caught my eye, and my gaze fell to the ring on my hand. I felt my shoulders drop as my arm relaxed, a smile touching my lips. It was beautiful. Everything about it, the small simplicity of it, the way it fit my finger…

I felt my chest swell, and I fell back into the couch with a sigh, holding my arms around my chest and giggling in a very silly, love-sick way. Against… _everything_ I'd known before, I had begun to relax and just be in love. And it was so easy… _sooo_ easy to be in love. Much easier than I'd thought possible, possibly because before the only 'love' I'd known had been Ron. Love with Ron took work… cooperation… understanding that there'd be differences between us that might never be worked through, and that was just how it was. With Severus, the man I knew, the man I _loved…_ We both loved books. We both loved learning. We both would sit up late, sitting on a couch in front of a fire with a thick tome in front of us sipping tea, or else talking about something, laughing about something else.

And when we kiss…

A knock at the doorframe caused me to look up. Harry was smiling at me, black hair everywhere. "Hey 'Mione. Wanna come outside for no particular reason what-so-ever?"

"Love to."

MmNnOoPpQqRrSsTtUuVvWwXxYyZz

_**Harry**_

There was a drink in my hand, and thank God for it. Not that I really like drinking, just, how many times to you really get to be properly sloppy at your best friend's party? _Not really a birthday party anymore…_ I thought, watching Hagrid (back from dealing with giants again) draining a whole keg all by himself. _More of an engagement party…_

My eyes wandered lazily around, to my own beautiful girlfriend. I grinned, catching myself. No, my _fiancé_. How had I gotten so lucky? How had the pieces of my life managed to fall into such perfect arrangement? Then I shook my head, realized I didn't really care, and took another big gulp.

Coming up from the firewiskey I looked around for Hermione. Ah, there she is, with Severus. His arm was around her, and he was leaning his head on the top of her head. He saw my look and raised a hand. I raised my glass in return. He put his arm back around her.

It had been… well, a really great day. Hermione had somehow feigned surprise for her family (her _whole_ family had showed, and we just tried to hide the more magical elements of the location) and Severus had prepared a wonderful speech, followed by an amazing show on the dance floor. There had been lots of food, more cake, songs, games, and, the stage we were at now, drinking. And while it was hilarious to watch burly uncles try and drink a half-giant under the table, when I wasn't looking at Ginny I only had eyes for the couple of the hour. I had never, _never_, seen Hermione this happy, let alone Snape. And this time, as Severus, the joy wasn't darkened by a sick joy in the misplaced rage against, well, me. Here was a pair that had been through hell, and had managed to pull each other out of it. Would it be a storybook marriage? I didn't know, but the more I saw, the more I thought… yeah. The major problems that had troubled (respectively, family background, hero worship, and Voldemort) had all but diminished or else could be handled by banding together. The way they acted, the way they _looked_ together, it seemed like their biggest problem would just be not being awkward in the bedroom.

I heard a door slam, and remembered the other, _other_ problem. Before even turning I swallowed my drink, trying to be prepared for an angry Ron.

I swirled around ready to do damage control to see my position already filled. Molly Weasley and Mr. and Mrs. Granger had stopped him, and were talking to him in frantic, low tones. I considered going over anyway and stopped, gathering myself as I saw Severus Snape walking quickly and calmly across the yard, Hermione standing a few feet away looking put out. I looked over at her, and she rolled her eyes, looking at Ron and then the sky. I understood, and walked forward to catch what was going on.

"-my friend's party!" Ron was screaming across the lawn, luckly mostly drowned out by music and drinking sounds.

"And that would be fine, and you would be perfectly welcome here, if I thought for an instant you felt like celebrating. Your style of entrance, slamming doors and waving your wand in the presence of people who don't know what magic is-"

"It's my family's house and I can do whatever I want here!" Ron replied hotly.

"Ron, son…" Molly Weasley began gently, placing a hand on Mrs. Granger's shoulder. "It's my house, too, dear, and it would really show a lot of respect to Hermione's family if you just calmed down."

"Oh, respect." I saw his mouth tighten into a line I was familiar uncomfortably familiar with. I walked forward, intent on stopping the fight before it got started. "You wanna talk about respect? What about the way he treated me and Harry, huh? What about that?"

"Ron I've apologized for that-"

"_Don't call me that! You don't know me __**nearly**__ well enough to call me that!"_ He rounded on Severus, and I managed to reach the group.

"Ron, mate, you've gotta stop this." I knew I sounded drunk, but that didn't mean I wasn't right. "You know we love having you around but if you're gonna act this way you need to stay away for a while."

"Oh, so you choose him over me now, huh?" He glared. "Fine then. Whatever." He looked at Mrs. Weasley. "See you later mom."

He stormed back into the house. Mr. and Mrs. Granger looked shocked. Molly rushed in after him. After a moment, I did too. Molly was sitting at the kitchen table, crying. I didn't have to ask why. When Severus showed up a second later with a worried looking Hermione, I explained to them in low tones, "It's just like when Percy left…"

We watched Mrs. Weasley cry, all of us lost on what to do. We knew it had happened too fast for anyone to have noticed, and while we were glad about that, how could we cheer her up on our own?

Suddenly Hermione walked over, and sat next to her. She spoke in whispers, looking at Molly Weasley's downturned face. Finally the mother of seven looked up, her eyes drying slightly. She smiled at Hermione and reached out to touch her face. Then, suddenly bright, she rushed out the room.

Hermione got up a moment later, making to follow her. We jumped her. "What did you ask?" We said in stereo.

Hermione grinned. "I told her I would be getting married soon, and knew she and Mr. Weasley had a big family… I wondered if she could give me any tips."

With all I'd had to drink, it took me a minute to get what she was saying. By the time I had, Hermione had grinned and run off, leaving me in the kitchen with a very red Severus.


	41. The Lock

_**Hermione**_

We stepped out of the house together, sort of. He left first, but waited for me at the end of the road. A kind gesture, but I didn't think the feeling behind it matched the action. When I reached him, he took off quickly, his cloak blowing almost to my face in the breeze. I hurried after him, moving to walk beside his quick pace.

For a few minutes, the only sound was the wind in the trees and the sound of our footsteps against the pavement. I brushed my hair out of my face, biting my lip. Then I went ahead and spoke.

"Do you want me to change pants?"

"No." He didn't look at me.

I tried again. "If it's really an issue, I can go in there and change; we're not far. I didn't mean to upset-"

"No. It's fine. You don't have to change." The more agitated his voice, the faster he walked. "Really, it was in how you said it."

"Look, I know this is really trying for you-"

"_Trying_ for me?" His voice rose. Luckily he didn't get any faster, so I could concentrate on his tone and words, which were worrying me. "This _whole thing_ is falling _directly_ on my shoulders. The wedding, Ron, Malfoy, my _job_, _your parents_, and you call it _trying_ for me?"

It was the same argument it had been all day. After we'd gotten the good news the reception hall was available on our desired weekend, that it looked like there would be no problems getting everyone in around the country down for the wedding, that Ron could be coming around and wanted a meeting, and that Lucius Malfoy had started giving his squib employees insurance, Severus had been a bundle of nerves. The man I loved, usually so understanding and patient, had been jumping down my throat. Every word I said of encouragement, concern, or impatience, had been treated as the highest insult and personal attack against emotions and character. While I understood that somehow news after news that things were going our way and all seemed to be working out was putting the weight of the world on his shoulders, I couldn't understand why he was being like this. And I really couldn't understand why he seemed to think I was doing my best to undermine him at this time.

I sighed, trying to think quickly. I tried to form the right sentence that would calm down my beloved. Of course we were feeling the same stress. I had concerns of my own that hadn't been addressed- everything seemed to be going well as far as paying for the wedding, but what if there was a problem with a transfer of money from account of account? A payment receipt got missplaced, or gold put in the wrong vault? Nearly unheard of problems but... not impossible. But the last thing I wanted to do was add more worries to his already long list he'd come up with on his own. So, instead, making my voice as gentle as I could, I began, "Severus, my love, I'm not trying to attack you. I'm just trying to do for you what you did for me; teach you that you can put things out of your mind and-"

"You think I'm not _trying_ to do just that, Hermione?" My shoulders sank slightly. "All day I've been trying to just put things out of my head, and it's not working. The fact that you keep mentioning this, and that you keep hammering at me that today was supposed to be a 'stress free' day, isn't helping."

"I didn't mean anything by it." I said, my voice low. "You were the one who said last night we were going to try and take today off from worries..."

"Yes, but I didn't expect to get a call from our wedding planner today, either! I was really hoping she'd take today off from business!"

"Why?"

"I didn't want to think about all that stuff today!"

"But it was _good news,_ Severus."

"_It's still bloody news, Hermione!"_ He raised his arms in protest. "I feel so out of my league here, and no matter what I do it's the _wrong thing._ You want this kind of flower, that color here, these people to wear that thing, and with your parents constantly stopping by -"

"They just want to be aviable-"

"_Stop interrupting me! _I will get in one sentence in this conversation!" I closed my mouth for the second time, and felt my shoulders curl slightly in spite of myself as a pang of sadness hit my chest.

He didn't say anything for five minutes, and I was strongly considering asking if this meant I could continue, except a large part of me was screaming a warning it was not a good idea. His words started again so suddenly I was almost startled. "I know everyone's doing the best they can. I am too. My issue isn't with them, or anyone else. I just feel very alone in all this, and I don't think anyone can understand."

"I can."

"No you can't."

"Sure I can; I'm going to be your wife."

"Oh, so you understood why it bothered me when I asked you to change pants?" My mind flashed back to right before we left to Quick Travel to The Burrow for dinner. I'd been doing light work all day; cleaning a bit, doing some wedding planning, and when the time came to go to dinner with Harry and the Weasleys the pixies we'd been house-sitting were asleep in our bedroom. The last thing I wanted to do was send Flitwick a cage full of sleep-deprived pixies, so I slipped on my shoes from the living room and waitied at the door. Severus had been sitting in a chair, putting on his own boots, and saw me in my black pajama bottoms with the little dogs on them and asked me to change pants. My reaction was to say no in a laughing, amused voice. His reaction was to look at me like I'd told him a bad joke about cat murder. "It was just a simple question, Hermione, and you responded to it like I was a child."

No I didn't! I wanted to say. I was just being myself! I wanted to say. I didn't say anything wrong! I wanted to scream. Instead, I took a deep breath, and tried to be patient. "Severus, I'm really sorry if I came across as anything like that-"

"And now you're chiding me." He scoffed. I continued.

"I know this is a really tough time for you right now, and I also know that everything I say, even this very sentence, is going to come out as a personal attack."

"Well that I agree with." We were passing under a street light, the last one before we got to The Burrow.

"But please understand that, as hurt as you are right now, I don't think I'm doing anything particularly wrong, and that when you're like this, the understanding sensitive person I said I'd marry doesn't seem to be the person I'm talking to. And that's fine, I'll give you space, but-"

"Well that doesn't make me feel any better. That's just pretty much calling me a failure right there."

_I will get this out..._ "Severus you can be pretty hurtful right now, too, and I really think it would just be a good idea if I just gave you some space; then you can worry and no one will get upset over all this."

His face turned into a hard line. "Yeah. Thanks. You really know what I need don't you Hermione?"

"You don't have to sound like that Severus, I love you."

"I love you too but you're really not being fair-"

"I'm being perfectly fair-!"

"_Stop interrupting me! Why are you doing that?"_

We were almost to the house. I had my arms around myself, trying to calm down. Quietly I said, "You were interrupting me..."

A moment of silence. Then, gently. "Well, that's true." I let go of myself slightly, feeling like maybe I'd said something right. Then heard hsi tone turn icy. "I didn't know we were pointing fingers but that's true."

I watched him walk up to the house, his back to me. My mouth was open, and it was all I could do not to cry. Quietly, I stole off to the side of the house, crouched down, and dry sobbed.


	42. The Key

_**Hermione**_

I was only outside for five minutes. I knew I couldn't stay outside all night, and besides; I didn't want anyone to think anything was wrong. Severus would have had no idea I had left him right before walking in, and likely had made up some weak excuse why I wasn't right beside him. I walked up the steps, stole myself, and opened the door all smiles.

All sounds came from the kitchen. Around the crowded room I could see Mrs. Weasley and all her sons chatting in the kitchen while Harry and Ginny sat on the couch busily staring at each other. Severus was in a corner, looking at paperwork he'd pulled from no where. I immediately inserted myself into the coversation in the kitchen, laughing with them about work while Mrs. Weasley fussed over dinner. After about two minutes (during which time a blissful no one asked me about where I'd been) she shooed us out and the lot of us joined Harry and Ginny in the main room.

As the conversation turned I caught a brief glimpse of Severus, who seemed to be looking off. Feeling worried, I walked over to him. His head was in his hands. I put my arm around his shoulder. "Are you crying?"

He nodded. I drew in closer. "What's wrong love?"

"You left me! You walked off without saying a word!" He looked at me, his face full of betrayal and dismay. I gasped for a moment, trying to figure out how to respond.

"Darling I'm sorry I just... I needed a minute to-"

"You think I didn't need a minute? Why... How could you do that?"

"Severus please I was just hurt-"

"Hermione I apologized!"

"No you didn't!" I tried to keep my voice low, both to not alert people and to try to ensure he didn't think I was trying to hurt him; I was more sure of my ability in the first goal than the second. "You said I'd interrupted you too. Your tone was more of dismissal than apology."

He sat quietly for a second. I used the time to magic up a chair and sat down with him. Patiently and with a look of concern I waited for the conversation to start.

"I don't understand why you're treating me like this." He looked so hurt I felt for him. "Why you're being like this with me."

"Severus I'm trying my best to be understanding of you." He kept quietly crying. I reached for his hands, trying to solidify my claim. "I... I am being understanding of you."

"No you're not!" He yelled under his breath, snatching his hands away. "If you were you wouldn't be saying this!"

"Severus please..." I reached around to touch the back of his neck. Gently, I caressed it. The motion calmed him down, but it also had an effect on me. I felt myself melting at the fact that I was touching him, his neck and then his arms, despite how innocent the touch was.

I opened my eyes to see him smiling, looking calm. I was glad, but confussed. Hadn't he felt the same electricity?

After a few minutes, we seemed to be better. We were joking and laughing as we should, and the conversation in the living room had moved to the outside. I found myself alone with the object of all my affections, and I ventured a topic.

"You know... I am trying to be myself with you."

"I know and... I appreciate that."

I nodded, then laced my fingers together, unsure how to proceed with something so important to me. "I know that... we've been in bed together recently, and I soundly respect your wishes not to... Consumate our relationship until after we are married."

He nodded, not looking up from the booklets on cake icing. "Yes, I thought you would. What with your parents being so traditional and stopping by frequently." He ended this statement with a slightl grin to let me know he was joking. I laughed slightly, then kept going.

"I just... I don't think that has to mean that we don't feel anything for each other and... While I do appreciate the fact that you let me lay in your arms and caress you... You see, when I touch you, it makes me shiver... Every time... I just, I wondered if perhaps you could react in the same way? I know you love me and feel the same thing for me and I was thinking that maybe it could mean you were letting yourself go a bit more and-"

It was like flipping a lightswitch. His eyes turned to flint. "You think I'm horrible then, is that it? A horrible lover? I thought you cared for me more!"

Unable to think of a response besides pain I opened my mouth, hoping for something. "No! I love you and I love the way you treat me!"

"Then why are you trying to make me feel like shit right now?"

"Severus I'm not! I love you; you're the most important thing to me!"

"Then why are you always treating me like a child? Why are you always saying these things that make me feel like... Like I'm just second-banana to you and your wants? Everything has to be your way, is that it Hermione? I have to jump at everything you say but if I want something it's not important that all!"

I had no idea where this was coming from, or how this was my fault, but the more he talked the more I thought I must have somehow said something that, with the level of stress he was under, sent him over the edge. "Severus please I-"

"Just tell me why you're treating me like this. Tell me why this is going on now. Help me understand why you're trying so hard to hurt me."

I wanted to say I wasn't. I wanted to say he was over-reacting. I wanted to ask where the person I loved had gone, and why I was suddenly the enemy. Instead, I prayed. I prayed that whatever emotions I was feeling, the good and the bad, would just go away, so I wouldn't cause the man I loved and respected so much... so much hurt.

"Forgive me, please, Severus. It must be the stress of the day I've had; I'm taking things out on you. You're a wonderful companion... Please don't think you're otherwise."

It wasn't right. It was a total lie. It wasn't what needed to be said. But the look in his eyes softened slightly, from hurt and betrayal to resignment. He turned from me to his paperwork without a word. I, for my part, turned away from myself and watched him go over flavors for our wedding cake... And spent the rest of the night in silence.


	43. Love Story's End

_**Severus**_

I was sitting on the back patio, thinking about the last five hours of my life.

I thought... I thought I'd been doing well. Well, I wasn't alone in that; I had been doing well. Breathing fresh, free air and being in love had shown me a world I'd only heard of, seen through dark windows and dreamed long far-off dreams from boyhood.

Then...

I sighed. Why was this so difficult to handle? I'd handled _everything_ else; wizard duels, double lives, losing important people to death and betrayal, waking up to realize the last near 20 years of my life had been rewound... Why did I break down just then? Sobbing like a child... Saying things I didn't mean... Watching Hermione become so hurt she closed herself off from me... She didn't deserve that... I didn't deserve that...

I looked up at the sky. Long past dark. After midnight. I'd gotten up out of bed and come outside, no longer able to take the huddled frame of my fiance turned away from me, to think. I'd at first tried to assure myself of my correct behavior, that everything was excusable given the progress I'd made before. The more I went over my words, the more I saw that wasn't going to happen. I'd... messed up. Badly. To a person I never should have messed up to.

The door creeked open, and Hermione wearing a loose magenta shirt with a silly "sparkle!" emblam her parents had got her appeared in the doorframe. Her eyes were, blessedly, dry. Without a word to me, she crossed the small concrete area and sat down in a small swining chair opposite me. I waited. Her face didn't look up from the ground. I cleared my throat.

"I... I just wanted to say I'm sorry."

No response. Her leg kicked dully to swing the chair.

"I know I... didn't behave in my regular fashion."

"You were a fucking jerk and you know it."

The accusation was soft, on the brink of tears, but no less cutting. "Yes... Yes I was and I do."

"Damn it Severus you sold me short." Her head came up to look at me finally, eyes slightly damp but jaw set. "I know it hasn't been too terribly long by your standards but... I thought I'd proven _something_ to you of how much I care about you. I thought I could say a few bloody things without everything being twisted on me like... like..." She stopped, gripping the edges of the chair with white knuckles. She shook her head, then began again softly. "I understand, believe me, that you were upset. I even understand _why_ you were upset. I know change is hard. I respect the fact that your path is different than anyone elses, and than slip ups happen to everyone. People backslide. It happens. And I also know you're going through some very bad "pre-wedding jitters" right now. You're not the only one- I am too."

I stared. "You didn't tell me that."

"Well I didn't bloody want to Severus! And before you get offended again, it had nothing to do with not trusting you or anything involving a thought of your negative behavior. I didn't want to add anymore stresses to your mind."

I leaned forward slightly. "Please, add them. What are you worried about?"

"Well for one thing, what happens if some receipt for payment gets misplaced, and we miss out of something at the wedding? Or gold ends up in the wrong vault? These things happen every so often; what's to stop it this time?"

"Oh you don't need to worry about that." I said. "There are special goblins who work for the school's personal finances under contract for this; they don't demand anything particular as extra for the task, and I make sure nothing gets lost of misplaced."

"Oh." she replied, relaxing her body slightly. "Well, that is good to know... But it doesn't make anything you did fine."

"I know that." I folded my arms in my lap, unsure with to do with my hands. "I... Please know I didn't mean anything of what I said yesterday. I was really just lashing out at you to try and get you away from me; I was very hurt and you were very hurt and I wanted both of us to stay away from each other."

"I tried to say that, to do that. I tried to be understanding, I tried to get away for a moment. You dragged me back to you... You made it not okay. And you did something you hadn't ever done before."

The pain in her voice was nearly unbearable. I got up and walked to her, putting my arms around her. She didn't pull away. Instead, she leaned into me, putting her head against my chest, and looking up at me. "Severus... This is not something that happens all the time, but it did happen. It's happening now, to us, that we are together, and will be together. And as much as I tried to fight it, even to myself, even up to possibly a few days ago, you're the person I want to be with. And, if every once in a while you just need to lash out at me and call me a whole bunch of names as either an immature teenager or an angry potions teacher... Just tell me. Just let me know, so I can be there for you. You've always been there for me in the past; you've been saving mine and Harry's lives since I was eleven. I want to... I want to prove to you that I'm not going away, and neither are you."

I held her, looking down at her, feeling my heart in my throat. "Hermione... You're my whole world. The person I was... The man I was... Who saved your life and gave you detention... That person has changed into someone who is rediscovering himself. The traits of who I am, my temper, my love of reading and learning, my natures... Those remain, but I'm not... I will fall, every once in a while... Are you really all right with being the barrier between me and the world during those times? Would you really want to stay with me forever?"

She took my hand in hers and looked me in the eyes. "I already do."

LLllLLllLLllLLllxxyyzz

This story, of myself and the first year after I re-met the woman I would marry, is something that I don't suppose will ever really end. I thank the people who put themselves, their perspectives, their ideals, into this book. Something I truly learned while this point in my life was happening is that there's more to a story than just the person telling it, and that was made true in these pages,

I did my best not to sugar-coat anything, from myself or from my friends and co-workers who put themselves into it. Those who know me, or even don't know me, deserve the truth, as ugly and unflattering as it can be. That being said, there have been many wonderful, beautiful points in my life, all the more so recently, and I would be a fool not to mention that.

I am, at the time of this writing, the Headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Hermione had been my wife for around two years now, and is well-respected as the Deputy of the school. Her job is part-time however, as not long after we were married she let me in on her biggest and most well-kept secret on wanting to restore rights to house-elves, and now devotes most of her time to that and the pregnancy she is in her (again, time of writing) second trimester in. We anxiously await our new son/daughter, and refuse to cheat on finding out what gender it will be.

Harry and Ginny did get married, not long after myself, and are already parents of one James Potter. I smirk at the name, but nod approvingly also. I'm told they want to name their second son after me. I pray it's just a middle name with a nice, normal first name. Somehow I'm not sure I'll be so lucky.

Lucius Malfoy retained his pompus outlook on life, but did, in the end, come to the conclusion magical blood was precious no matter what the fount, and as that's as close as I can get to acceptance with him I'll take it. Last I checked he was an expenctant grandparent, which throws me for a loop as I remember being the same age as he is and I'm awaiting my first child. But I suppose, that's what time-travel gets you.

I did finally manage to find a better way of dealing with my stress, something I owe entirely to my wife, whom has been patient and hard-headed every step of the way. While she would never be the kind of person to gossip and complain, she has always been there for me to help remind me I'm being illogical and for a person such as myself this is unforgivable. I thank her with every breath I take, and am now returning the favors by waiting on her hand and foot no matter how much she tries to stop me from doing so and being more than willing to run out at all hours of the night because chocolate bacon ice cream sounds delicious.

The years that are once again passing are... interesting for me. McGonagall seems to be holding on well. I'm still apt to take twice the points from Gryffindor. But where I once saw scars forming on my face I now see smile lines and muscles being toned from easy excersize rather than running for my life. My wife certainly appreciates it, and it seems to help intimiate male students while keeping female students on edge. I cannot help but say that, in spite of my previous self, I see a very positive difference and look forward to more time spent with family and friends.

To all those reading, I have one last word of advice to you all. The world is not always as it seems. It is not always as light, but not always as dark, and it is easy to forget how to live when you've been doing the same thing for so long. For all those who are looking at themselves realizing they aren't sure when the last time they truly felt something was, or for those who have become comfortable in their rut and have not yet realized it, I say now, there is a chance for change. It might not come when you expect it, but it won't be easy to shake off when it does. I invite the idea of hope in a dismal situation to all, and extend the invitation to my office, should anyone want further proof on the magical healing properties of living the life you were born to live.

Best Regards,

Severus Snape


End file.
